how do I tell my 6&4 year olds that me and their father are separating.(he cheeted on me with his coworker?

Question

he says that he didn't sleep with her, I saw love messages between the two of them, e says its a game, I see it as emotional betrayal

he says that he didn't sleep with her, I saw love messages between the two of them, e says its a game, I see it as emotional betrayal

Answer 1

To spare the children horror over their future, it would be best if both mother and father could sit with them and explain that mom and dad have had a difference of opinion and you need some time to live apart while you sort things out. This does not have to end in divorce but often times that is where it goes. I worked in a large factory and saw many couples divorce. Some had spouses at work and some not but the results were nearly always disastrous. Divorce is usually irreconcilable. Children are shuttled back and forth and often end up being used as weapons to hurt or punish the other spouse. Seperate for awhile to make him realize what he is losing and see if he is willing to reconcile. You might be really angry but I guarantee it will never get better by divorcing him.

Unless he is a totally selfish, immature fool or you have become an irritating, demanding wife, I see no reason why he would not want to make things right with you.

But, the two of you HAVE to go to counseling to figure out why he cheated and what it will take to prevent a repeat. You deserve to know if he will be faithful before you take him back.

I repeat, YOU HAVE TO GO TO COUNSELING. Only 1 in 100 couples can work these things out on their own.

If you file separation, I am certain he will have to move out, the court will order that. So it is him who is displaced. That will make him realize that he will be on the losing end.

Some men didn't have fathers who taught them the importance of fidelity and friends too often brag about the women they have been with so unless he has a strong religious conviction he has little incentive to be faithful.

Good luck, please believe me when I say it is best to preserve a family.

Often after a crisis like this, the married couple are closer than ever.

Answer 2

I hate to say this, but at this age, you can't tell them anything that is going to make them look at their father any different. The guy may have turned out to be unfaithful, but in their eyes, he's still their hero. I know it will be hard, but you can't take that away from them. I would suggest simply telling them that daddy has to go away for awhile and that he'll visit, but he can't live there for right now. Reassure them that you and their dad still love them the same, but you are having some grown up problems you need to work out and you don't wish to argue in front of them. Kids are smarter than you think. Initially they'll be hurt, but more than likely, it's not going to be as bad as you think. Half their friends are from divorced families and I'm sure the six year old has heard his fair share of stories already about his friends going to visit mommy or daddy for the weekend.

You also said you were separating, and not divorcing, which leads me to believe this is a trial thing and you have intentions of trying to put things back together. If that's the case, take your time honey. You are going to go through a ton of emotions and it's important that you work through them rather than move past them. I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 3

I can tell you what I did. My children were 5 and 1 when I left my husband (not for cheating). Of course, I couldn't explain to my 1-year old since she couldn't possibly understand. I think it all depends on your relationship with your children. I've always treated my then 5-year old as an equal...never talked to him like a baby. So, when the time came, I sat him down and told him that mommy and daddy weren't happy together anymore and that we would be leaving. He was upset, but fortunately for me, he adjusted wonderfully. Believe it or not, it was my 1-year old who gave me some trouble. She would wake up in the middle of the night crying for her dad. It's been over a year now, and luckily my ex and I have remained good friends. This has definitely helped the kids adjust to our change. So, just be as open and honest with them as possible, and very importantly, don't ever, no matter what or how you feel, talk bad about their dad to them. I always tell my son, I'm no longer your father's wife, but you will ALWAYS be his son. I think you'll be happy with the outcome.

Answer 4

Just tell them that sometimes things just don't work out between Mummy and Daddy and they have to live in different places. Don't ever let them think it was their fault and remind them that their Daddy will always be their Daddy and he loves them very much. Try not to be too hurt yourself time heals. I know I have been there. The children make up their own minds when they are old enough about what went wrong.

Answer 5

I feel for you and know how you feel now, my ex ran off with our babysitter 15 years ago... The world seems to have cracked and everything seems to move in slow motion followed by fast forward out of your control.. You can make it through this however, just write everything down so you don't lose track as the world moves out of control around you... And give yourself a week or so before you make perminant decisions like divorce you will be more prepared for it if you give yourself a little absorbsion time before you get it started...

Tell them that you are having some problems with daddy and the two of you are going to live in different houses... Reassure them that both of you still love them very much and the problems have nothing to do with them... If at all possible it would be best if you and your husband could talk to the children together and reassure them together that they are loved and cared for and just because you are living seperately they will still have you both...

NEVER EVER EVER bad-mouth or allow anyne else to bad-mouth your husband in front of the children, your children view themselves as a combination of you and your husband and bad-mouthing your husband is equivilent to bad-mouthing 1/2 of your children.....

Make sure to allow your husband liberal visitation if possible and make sure to teach the children his new telephone number asap... Ask him to get caller id and a distinctive ring tone telephone.... That way when calls come from your number he can always answer it instead of someone else who may be there....

Answer 6

Don't tell them about his cheating. It is better for the children if you explain to them that you two just couldn't get along anymore and that it's not their fault. Kids blame themselves. A lot of divorcing couples use the children as pawns which does them more damage than the actual divorce. Try to be civil to each other in front of the kids.

Answer 7

be very delicate with your children....dont tell them the reason why your seperating, it could turn them against their father, just tell them that you and daddy are no longer in love any more and that you are both going to try living apart for a while, but it will be fun to have two places to stay instead of one, explain to them that just because you and daddy dont love each other any more, then it does not mean that he has stopped loving them, just be gentle when you use this approach, because at that age they do pick up on little matters and make them into big matters, i have used this approach on my children, they were fine about it because they did have 2 places to stay and it was much more fun for them at the weekends, good luck with this situation, be gentle

Answer 8

its not how just you tell them, its how you BOTH tell them. Obviously you must be upset and distraught over what happened but find away to put your feelings aside until you have both talked to the kids. you both need to sit them down and explain to them how much you both love them, and that mommy and daddy are going to live in different houses but will still see them and love them just the same. ask them if they have any questions and answer them best you can. Then you have to be there for them like never before. they will be scared and upset. also let teachers, daycare providers, and friends know whats going on so they can help with what your kids are feeling and how they may act out. good luck

Answer 9

Oh that's hard. I know, I've been there. First thing is not to let them know why you two are breaking up. It's none of their business at that age (or any age to be honest). I sat my children down and explained that as they knew things weren't very nice around here and that was because mommy and daddy really weren't getting along very well. I explained that we would be moving but that they would get to spend time with daddy on their own, where there wouldn't be us fighting and they could just be kids and daddy, and with me they can be kids and mommy. It's hard but they do get over it.

Answer 10

The boy is indignant on the international and apparently rightfully so. Get the cousin to take the counselors at his college to propose some scientific care. If that may not regarded after directly, he would be in some very serious subject in his youthful adults. provided that this is grandmother's abode, your cousin needs to be set right this moment on her well-known jobs and initiatives in the direction of this boy. If she refuses then you certainly will have not have been given any option yet to toss them out and/or document her as undeserving to the government. You additionally ought to locate out what's the attractiveness consisting of his father. in line with danger he's supplied and keen to step as lots with the aid of fact the plate and take over the care and raising of his son. in looking him some help. that may not all his fault. He needs an outstanding outlet for his anger and to comprehend that any individual cares approximately him. basically precise luck