I talked to my husband and he said that he's just scared to have a baby. How can I help him not be scared?
2006-09-12 16:55:10 · 15 answers · asked by bookworm1885 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
For those who didn't rad my other question: I want to have a baby and my husband isn't sure yet wether he wants to have one now or not.
2006-09-12 16:56:42 · update #1
We have been together for almost six years
2006-09-12 16:57:49 · update #2
I left him a little note this morning before he went to work telling him that I would never leave him. He said he is afraid I'd have a baby then leave him! I wonder what he'll say when he gets home? I'm so nervous!
2006-09-13 05:49:10 · update #3
Being scared is natural. As he's never had a baby before {i assume} He might be worried he may not be a good father ,or he and you might not know how to look after a baby. These fears are natural. Get him to talk more about it and put him at ease.
2006-09-12 16:59:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The more you talk and obsess with it the more he will push away. My husband has been the same way. He knew that a baby would impact our lives and he was not ready... I felt like it was taking forever. We were married in March of 05, and Began having this conversation in March of 06... I went gun ho and bought all kinds of baby books, parenting stuff, looking at baby stuff on the Internet. Inviting friends over that had kids... Bad IDEA the more he felt pressured the less he wanted to... So I took a break and I promiced I would not mention the word baby for 30 days, (the promice was to myself) I didn't talk about babies, look at baby stuff (in front of him, and I kept it well hidden) It was hard to I know 6 pregnant people... Then we went up to Lake Tahoe. (One month later) I saw families, it was sweet, My temptation was to say Lets try.. but I held back... Instead I pointed out a son and father, and said.. "do you think you'll do that with your son?" a while later I saw another, I was like look, he's teaching him to ride a bike.. What do you look forward to? All without saying I want one ect.. It was less than a week we started trying... We were sitting in the "to be baby's room" I said.. One day our baby will be in here... He said "wanna try?" I was puzzled.. I was like Of course... He's like hurry up before I change my mind... LOL, so Now we're trying, and he is looking at baby stuff all the time, dreaming about babies, Pointing out sons and fathers to me.. It is wonderful. Just have some patience... Don't push it so much... Oh and get off the pill....
OH and when you trying to talk him into it, don't have any bratty kids around.. This adds to they're anxiety!
2006-09-13 02:41:24 · answer #2 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, being scared is normal. I waited until I thought I was ready...and I am still waiting. It has been 6 months so far and I got pregnant once, miscarried and am hoping I am now PG again. Depending on your age, it can take an average of 6-12 months to get pregnant. And then 30% of pregnancies result in miscarriage.
I had this same issue with my hub - I was ready and he was hesitant. I sat down with him, explained to him my feelings, and shed a few tears (not intentionally!) . He agreed to try.
I read your other post...you should go off the BC now. Your body MAY be slow to recover/get the BC out of your system but that is controversial.
Good luck.
2006-09-13 00:06:17 · answer #3 · answered by smiley_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he scared or does he just plain out NOT want KIDS... there is a difference. I thought that my ex was just scared to have kids, so I went along & got pregnant. Turned out the he just plain out didn't want kids at all, ever.
If your husband is saying something like ~ "I want to have a baby with you, I'm just afraid" ~ then maybe he just needs some more information. Ask him about his fears & help him become educated about what to expect. Read books, hang out with friends or family who have kids, maybe you can even offer to sit for them so that his get a feel of what it is like to be around them.
2006-09-13 01:03:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your husband how he really feels about having a baby. Maybe he is scared that you would not be able to have fun anymore alone, cost, making room, and the list can go on.....Maybe you should try to babysit for a friends kids and give it a whirl to see how he reacts to it.....I am not too sure what else to say. You should also try to go to a family therapist to help?
2006-09-13 00:00:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men I know are scared to have a baby... I assume they are scared to give up their freedom and scared of the HUGE responsibility... I think most guys up until their late 30's still think of themselves as youngsters who like to party and do what and when they want... a baby will change this....My husband was like that and even when we had our first one, things didnt change and I was the one to care for the baby.... and he had COLIC... was a terrible time for us... but most men fall in love with their children and then wouldnt want it any way different...
My advice: have him talk to a male friend who is already a DAD and who LIKES being one...Get him to realize that its not the end of his life although things might change a little but...
2006-09-13 08:05:26 · answer #6 · answered by simone b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband & I went through this. He just finally said "fine, but your in charge, you take care of it. etc..." I agreed. Then we couldn't get pregnant. @ years later, surprize, our little girl was concieved. When I was about 7 months pregnant, my husband had a nervous breakdown. Told me I'd had longer to adjust to it. Laughed at him & said I'd had about 3 minutes longer to adjust because I told him immediatly. Cut to 5 yrs later. We are trying for another one & all I said is, "Do you think were ready for another" He was all over that one with a big "YES". Once that baby gets here, it's all over for them. Their hearts melt & they are more than happy to add to the family. He'll calm down. It's just scary for them to think of losing their freedom & toys. Just remind him that it would be 9 months before the baby even got here & you may take years to get pregnant. Not everyone gets pregnant right off the bat.
2006-09-13 01:11:43 · answer #7 · answered by pritigrl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can find out what he is scared about and go to a couple of websites online that talk about pregnancy and what to expect. For example there is baby center, www.pregnancyatoz.com, www.babyzone.com, these are some really great sites and they can explain alot.
2006-09-12 23:59:10 · answer #8 · answered by sleepyincarolina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help him not be scared. Everyone is scared when having their first child. There is no greater joy in the world than holding your baby. Take him around other babies so he can see that it isn't as scary as he thinks.
2006-09-12 23:58:25 · answer #9 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him & ask him what he's afraid of. Then break it down & discuss how to deal with each issue he's worried about. Don't put too much pressure on him, just lightly try to talk about it occassionally.
2006-09-12 23:57:33 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋