does this really matter?

Question

I have a bofiend that has an ex wife she is on social secerity and medicare and can not work . she gets about 700 dollars a month to live on and she cries to her ex hubsnd that she has no money for her meds , she gets help with her meds thur medicare ,so he helps pay for things not alot maybe 200 a month
but i give him 480 a month for half the rent and house bills ,sometimes when he is out of his own money he uses what i give him to help her .I do not like that cause i feel like i am the one that is helping her and she has been a very mean and hateful to me and would not help me if the tables was turned .she made a statement one day well she has a lot of money so she can take care of all of us .I want to be able to pay my bills (which i still do and i have some not alot left over )but i want to help my boyfriend with the house bills and get things for the house but it seems like he expects me to have money on me all the time forv when he don't have any , SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE

Answer 1

The solution to this, is for you to get more involved in your joint finances. If you are living together, then you should be splitting all the costs 50-50. Don't pay him a lump sum each month which is vaguely "for the rent and house bills". When the rent bill comes in, pay him half. When the phone bill comes in, pay him half. Work out a way to pay half the food and drink bills. That way there won't be any spare money for him to give his ex.

Answer 2

I can see where you're giving him money for the house bills and such, but why is he spending it on her? If anyone, he should be spending it on you. I can understand where she would call him if she was in a pinch, but if she has as much cash as you have stated, then she doesn't need him, and she's just using him to piss you off, and it's working.

What he does with the money once you give it to him is on him, but you should check and make sure he's paying bills that you two incur before he spends any on her.

If he's spending more on her than on bills, you make sure the bills are paid for at least three months, then make plans to move if nothing gets better. She's his ex, right, and you're the current, right? I can understand that he would feel for her since she disabled, but she should come second after you. He's got to step up with some more money to take care of the two of you, or it will soon be one of you. Talk to him first before you make any major decisions. Good luck.

Answer 3

Yes, it really does matter. Your boyfriend wants you to support him and his ex-wife and as long as you are willing to do it, you will be stuck doing it. Why is your boy friend out of his own money? As long as you are paying for half the expenses in the home, like a roommate situation, you should not be expected to pay any additional monies. However, if the $480.00 is a price you have agreed on, and that's all you pay him, than as long as he pays the bills and doesn't ask you for any more money, it really doesn't matter what he does with the $480.

Answer 4

Does your bf's ex have Medi-cal? It seems if she has Social Security and Medicare she may have Medi-cal too. Medi-cal is given to those people who are of low income and they pay for most if not all the person's medical expenses. Of course if she doesn't have Medi-cal, and only has Medicare, then she will need help with her medications. But if you say she can't work and only gets 700 from the government, she should apply for Medi-cal. I have Medi-cal and it pays for all my medications and medical expenses. That way you and your bf won't have to keep helping her with those particular expenses. I think you should talk with your bf and tell him how you feel. Tell him you want nice things for the house and after all you don't have much money yourself. If he cares for you, then he shouldn't be helping her. After all, she is only his ex wife. It's not like they are together or anything like that now. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

I suggest you sit down and have a serious talk with the b/f if this is becoming a serious problem between the 2 of you.... I understand his compassion and urs too, or at least you seem to have some for this woman..... but, as much compassion as he or you might have, you do have the right to look into your own future.... with or without the b/f.... sorry, I do not have the answer, only YOU do....... what do YOU need or want ??? God bless

Answer 6

Have u ever had a nice talk with your boyfriend over this issue? I've one friend who face the same problem with you. what she do is she talk things out with her boyfriend and find a way out for the ex-wife thru some financial scheme that is available out there. now she is happy as she don't create trouble for the boyfriend and the ex-wife cant bark her back plus the bouyfriend treasure her even more.

Answer 7

Read Luke 6:32-36

Answer 8

It's nice that he wants to help her but you feel she should look after herself and he should be doing More for you right? That's OK to feel but can I ask do they have kids together or anything? Is her condition serious? It is him not you that is helping her and if you are not happy for what you pay within the house you should tell him have a conversation...maybe about having a more committed relationship?

Answer 9

If you're paying your half of the rent to him, it doesn't matter what he spends the money on. As long as the rent gets paid. Sounds like you have a nice guy there. He's doing the helping. Not you.

Answer 10

I've heard of mama's boys, but seriously, ex's boys??? Not a good scene. I'd be concerned. Maybe you should let him go back to his ex so he can take care of her cause he's obviously taking from you to do it, and that's not right.