I'm 25 and in love with a 48 years old widower. But i'm not sure if it's right for both of us. he has a 16 years old daughter. and i have a problem to accept her.. i feel so insecure.. please tell me what to do???
2006-09-12 16:51:06 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are so young. I don't understand what the allure of a "ready made" family is for some women. Don't you want to be with someone who is going through kind of the same life experiences that you are. Someone that has never been married, someone that has never had children...etc. You will then be able to share these experiences together knowing that it is the first time you are both going through them.
Of course you are not going to take our advise, because when you try to break up with this man he will tell you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him. But remember us once you are married and his daughter makes life hell for you (because you have a problem accepting her) blood is thicker than water and he will more than likely want to keep her happy. Also remember the dead wife, there will likely be anniversaries, birthdays and trips to cemetary... comparisons to you...how will you feel when all this is happening?
My advise - find someone your own age (close to) who wants to experience these things with you.
2006-09-12 17:10:04 · answer #1 · answered by Knowitall 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it I am "65" years old and giving you only good advice. please hear me. there is more for you to think about other than the daughter as if that's not enough. this girl will have no respect for you what so ever. you are too close to the same age. trust me the father will be making decisions to make his daughter happy not you. this will be the biggest mistake of your life. also are you ready to be prepared to be a nurse in your own home? marriage vows are for better are worst. God was not playing a game when he made marriage honorable. you say you are feeling so insecure. you should be. security is not in this no where. you will just be another daughter for this man. are you nuts are what? let him marry some one else, Good luck and get some one that you can have a long good life with.
2006-09-12 17:01:33 · answer #2 · answered by MS Williams 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taking on a partner with teenage children is always tricky; you say that you feel threatened by the daughter and no doubt she feels much the same about you. It's a two-way thing and you need to accept one another. Before embarking on the marriage road, you need to rid yourself of these insecurities or they will wreck the marriage. Get to know the daughter better and establish a good relationship with her; remember, you have something in common - you both love her dad, so try working together to make him happy.
2006-09-12 17:58:47 · answer #3 · answered by uknative 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly hope that you are just fishing for answers and are not really serious about your question. A marriage is extremely difficult to manage without entering it with preexisting problems. If you have any doubts, than you owe it to everyone involved to put any idea of marriage out of your mind. Try to look at your situation from the 'eyes' of the sixteen year old. She is probably going through a difficult time. She is experiencing all of the 'normal' problems that teenagers go through and on top of that she is being challenged for her father's attention by someone who is very close to her age and you are having trouble liking her. Her world is chaotic to say the least and you should be a support for her not an enemy. Children of all ages deserve respect and love and if you are choosing to be in their life than you should be one of her biggest allies. You are way over your head. Take some time to just care about you for a while because if you are having issues about self esteem than a marriage is only going to complicate matters for you and them. If you want to marry, than you should be entering into it as a 'whole' person requiring little more than their love. You deserve to be happy as well as them. Take some time to sort things out before you make any lifetime commitments. Best of luck!
2006-09-12 17:27:50 · answer #4 · answered by louraleigh m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems a tad bit selfish to only want him and at the same time have issues with his daughter. Did she do something to piss you off, if so forgive and forget if you love him so much. If you do marry him, you may be this girls best friend in the future. I'm sure she's the light of his life also... it's going to be difficult for the relationship if he has to choose between his own daughter and you. Maybe a use of the brain wouldn't hurt.
2006-09-12 17:04:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Woah! 23 yrs age gap is a big difference! Look at the situation, you're still young. I'm sure love conquers all so you must see whether you love him enough to see beyond everything that you just say in ur question! if you see urself 5 years down the road leading a happy life with him then go ahead!
2006-09-12 22:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by Abel Blessed Lim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think it's not right then why are you with this man you cant be in love with this man if you are having doubts about him and you should have know what it was going to be like with his daughter they come has a packaged so you have to accept her
any way good luck with your decision hope it all works out for you just follow your heart
2006-09-12 23:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by becky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might hurt, but in a strange way help at the same time.
If you love him, marry him.
be aware that with age difference you may end up being a young widow.
A lot of people NEVER get a chance at true love - if you're sure, follow your heart.
kisses, luck, and all good things.
2006-09-12 17:11:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You didn't say how long you two have been together - don't rush into anything. Take the time if you haven't already, to really get to know each other (the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever) Plus, being a step-parent is tough no matter how you slice it esp. to a kid that lost her mother..... be patient, be wise!!
2006-09-12 17:10:44 · answer #9 · answered by JeyJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WELL IT'S A PACKAGE DEAL AND IF HE HAS A DAUGHTER, THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO ACCEPT HER TOO. I THINK THAT 48 IS A BIT OLD, BUT YOU KNOW WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT.
BE CAREFUL THOUGH, I KNEW A CHIC THAT GOT MARRIED WHEN SHE WAS 28 TO A MAN 19 YEARS OLDER THAN HER. THEY'VE NOW BEEN MARRIED 7 YEARS AND THEY ARE HAVING SERIOUS INTIMACY PROBLEMS (ON HIS BEHALF). IT'S ALMOST LEADING HER TO CHEATING ON HIM.
2006-09-12 16:56:15 · answer #10 · answered by CHASE_ME 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋