My wife and I have been married for 17+ years. We have a 16 year old severely Autistic son who requires 24/7 care. I have no one but wife to care for him. Moved into her fathers house at her insistance. He went to live in Peru these last 4 months. He has a room in the house rented out to a guy, David. Yada yada yada... I caught her at 3am in his room doing David and some other guy. She told me it was just sport F'N' and that it meant nothing. I had major surgery a while back and was only somewhat able to be sexual with her while recovering. I decided fine she could do what she wants since I could not...So she has been doing David and his friend for the last 3 months. I asked her to use protection which she refuses to. In the past couple of weeks I have recovered enough to have normal relations with my wife and have regularly now. She does not want to give up the affair though. Did I mention she also started smoking pot with David? And he is giving it to her for free?
2006-09-12 16:43:03 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is a sad situation with your son being severely Autistic, and I certainly do compliment you and your wife for the manner in which you have taken care of him. Having said that, it in no way excuses your wife’s sexual activities.
I appreciate that there were some months where you were recovering from surgery, and were somewhat unable to be sexual with your wife. Irrespective of that, it was very wrong for your wife to do what she did.
I accept what you said about how your wife is the only person who can look after your son 24/7. What I don’t see however, is how she can be looking after your son properly, if she is getting ‘stoned’ and having sex with the other guys. It sounds to me that she is having enough trouble just looking after herself !!!
The fact that she is having ‘unprotected sex’ with the other guys, and then having sex with you, is placing your health at risk.
Who is going to look after your son if you and your wife are too sick to do so?
I can only suggest to you that you and your wife need to sit down and sort out that mess before it gets way to out of hand.
It isn’t too late… The marriage isn’t doomed…
However, unless you act immediately, you may find that your son only has you to look after him !!!
If I was in your situation, the first thing I would target is the ‘marijuana’.
You mentioned that David is giving it to your wife for free…
Well, that is debatable. He may be giving it to her in exchange for ‘sex’, which may ultimately cost you your marriage !!!
You and your wife need urgent professional counselling.
Your marriage, and the welfare of your son, are at grave risk, and unless you act soon, it may well be too late.
Make an appointment for you and your wife to see a counsellor; and start making alternate accommodation arrangements !
I hope things work out for you… Good luck !!!
2006-09-12 16:45:01 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
....WHAT ... you're kidding me right ...
First I understand your situation with your son and empathize. HOWEVER this is TOTALLY UN-EXCUSABLE and UNACCEPTABLE.
Divorce her now and hire a Nanny to assist with the son .. it will be cheaper in the long run.
First of all if your wife is not loyal enough to help you and wait for you until you have recovered from the surgery; you don't need her. She seems only to care about herself and your paycheck / bank account.
I'm sorry to say but she will not return to being loyal to you .. she just wants her cake and eat it too !! FORGET IT ... NOBODY deserves that.
And if she was so 'unsatisfied' while you were recovering from surgery she could have satisfied herself vs. having an affair with another guy. She was just using this as an excuse. She knows she is wrong or she would have done this without trying to keep it from you by her little 3am rendezvous.
When she gave vows "For better or worse" those words meant something ... she obviously forgot that.
You will find happiness without being treated like this. DUMP HER.
2006-09-12 16:44:38 · answer #2 · answered by ValleyR 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she is disrespecting you. If you allow the relationship w/ Dave she should respect your wishes for your request to use protection.
I also think you should beable to do the same. Maybe you two should consider joining a swingers club.
I believe two people can be in love and still cheat. When you have been w/ only your long time partner for a long time things can seem kinda boring and maybe a little change can make things better. If you or your wife are the least bit jealous swinging is not the thing for yous, but if you are not the jealous type and are not insecure you might really enjoy it.
2006-09-12 18:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by jaden2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I can relate to your situation to some extent. My brother has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, and is in a wheelchair. My parents were seperated for nearly a year about 3 years ago. My dad moved outta state & everything. They've been married for nearly 22 years now and it's just my 13 yr old bro & me. Anyhoo, my brother's disease gets increasingly worse as he ages,it's a fatal disease n he's got alot of complications. This has caused my parents to live together again,for the sake of my brother's well being,who requires 24/7 care as well. My mom has been seeing another man, while my dad sits at home and watches my brother. This is new, and my dad isn't w/anyone. He sits by and allows it,bc he's got no other choice. Good luck,and god bless you and your Son.
2006-09-12 18:11:20 · answer #4 · answered by *Juicy Princess* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So I', guessing she wants to stay with you and still continue the affair? If she does. Give her an ultimatum; either its only you guys or the highway. She can't have her cake and eat it too. But the real question is do you still want her, can you live without her?
She also might have become addicted to the pot and staying with David she will keep on receiving it for doing whatever he wants?
2006-09-12 16:55:53 · answer #5 · answered by C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK unless you are willing to have an open relationship and that means you get to do whoever you please than call it off now. It's not acceptable behavior and to not use protection puts your life at risk. So unless you wanna catch something or do everybody else give your wife an ultimatum cut it out or I cut you free.
BTW I had Major surgery a few years back nearly died all that it was not an excuse for my husband to f around on me because luckily for him he didn't as the next year he had surgery and I didn't have to pay him back...get what I'm getting at?
2006-09-12 16:57:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U have got to be kidding me!!! I can't believe u are even making justifications for her to cheat on u. U were in surgery, u are recovering for Christ's sakes, this is NO reason for your wife to cheat on u, ever! At the very LEAST, she should be helping u with your recovery. Where is your dignity??? I'm sorry but your wife is a ***** and a whore. U don't deserve this.
P.S. If I were u, I would take my son and get a divorce.
2006-09-12 16:53:07 · answer #7 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I don't think you are a fool and some of the other answers were a little harsh. Things happen and you take whatever life decides to deal you. I think that you need to learn to respect and like yourself. Your son should be your number one priority and your energy should be put into him and not into a relationship that obviously isn't working, which is NOT your fault. Honestly, you sound too good for your wife and you yourself needs to realize that. You're better than this and have much more important things in your life to take care of... like you and your son. Good luck!! : )
2006-09-12 17:34:00 · answer #8 · answered by Cortney 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are a poor excuse for man. that's all i got to say
it be divorce and dump time
no one deserves that self depreciated level of no respect
no even a street dog... hell they get more respect...
it's sad to see you lost sight of what you are and what a good marriage is
but then they say a frog will not move in a slowly warmed up pot of water, by the time a frog realizes it too hot, he's dead...
you no different, except the death come emotionally
perosnally how could you even want normal relation with such a whore?
2006-09-12 16:53:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first question to you would be could you handle the expenses & the situtaion of living on your own and while having your son to care for ?
Question #2.) are you not greatly concerned for your own health ... being as you revealed that your wife is being very promiscuous with a couple of other men and not using protection ??
If your answer is "yes" to both the above, then my suggestion to to you would be that you do throw the towel in on your current relationship or marriage . It really sounds to me that if there is in fact anything even close to calling "love' left in that marriage, then it certainly has to be solely on your behalf. Not hers ! Heck, if what you said is true ; that she is totally against the use of protection while sleeping around...then evidently she doesn't even so much as love & care for her own self ! Bottom-line.
A.I.D.S are real !! And the life you save , might just be your very own !... by removing yourself from that marriage just as soon as you are fully equipped to .
Your not happy there anyway, so why even bother trying to stick it out ?? The truth is, not even your child needs to be there amist that sort of going-ons. 17 yrs of marriage or not; no man in his proper state of mind needs to be subjected to that sort of mental/physical or emotional -abuse . Wake -up & smell the coffee... it's deffinitely time for you to start making plans for other living -arrangements for both, the child and yourself.
Good luck ! And God bless you both & take yous everso needingly into his care.
2006-09-12 17:23:24 · answer #10 · answered by anthony J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋