needing support :(?

Question

I had a miscarriage 12 days ago today and i'm about to give up on everything, i'm in college, working and just got married on august 11th, my life was going so great and we really wanted this baby. now it's all i can do to get out of bed and go to work and school, i'm really depressed and no one seems to want to talk about it or even acknowledge it. except my husband. i've been doing really good except for the last coupe of days i've been so depressed that i can't stand it. i want so bad to be happy and i'm trying really hard but for the last 2 days it's been impossible. i had my blood work taken again today and i was hoping that my pregnancy horomones would be back to 0 but they are at 49 so i have to go back in 2 weeks. i was 12 weeks preggo and they said my baby was 8weeks 3 days gestation my Dr's dont seem to know anything about why this happened or when it's ok to try again, or anything. i'm trying my hardest to be strong but i think my all my strength is gone, I need some support

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had my miscarriage on August 7. I was 8 weeks along and they found that the baby had passed away at 5 weeks. I had three blood tests in as many weeks until my hormones levels bottomed out. You may be different where that is concerned, though.

For the first couple of weeks, I was a waste. I couldn't sleep, barely ate, hardly interacted with my family at all. I have an infant daughter (we found out we were pregnant on the day she turned 6 months old) and it hurt to hold her... it hurt to have her near me... and it hurt like hell when I wasn't near her and holding her.

As of yesterday, it's been 5 weeks. I cry and hurt and realize what I'm missing out on a few times a day. At every stage, I'm remember what it was like when I was pregnant with our daughter and it hurts.

Let your emotions take over sometimes... take time to cry, to hurt and to think about what could have been. Take time to do that, but don't let it take you away from your life. It's ok to hurt. It's ok to be down. But you have to keep on.

Why did this happen? I ask myself that at least 20 times a day. It's hard not to think that it's my fault... I must have done something wrong... God must have realized that I wouldn't be a good mother and that's why... maybe I ate the wrong thing, or sat the wrong way, or didn't sleep enough or slept too much.

Why did this happen? The very sad thing is that you will probably never know. We can assign blame, we can arbitrarily decide why it happened and try to live with that reason. (I haven't gotten to that point yet. I'm still looking for what I did wrong.) We can find something that we can live with and live with it.

I still wonder why, but I have come to some sort of peace about it. I've come to the realization that, for whatever reason, God chose that I wouldn't have this baby... not right now. We're looking forward to the day when we are able to give birth to a baby and say, "it's nice to see you finally, let me tell you a little about how long we've known you!". We believe that there will come a time when the baby that we lost will be the baby that we hold in our arms and in that I am finding some peace.

Finding your peace may be in planting a tree, crying through a case of tissues, telling your story.. Your peace may come in naming your baby (I was told to do this by a woman we met when I was pregnant last year. I thought it was a stupid idea. Then one day I turned to my husband and said that I needed to name the baby. he suggested the perfect name. Now when I think about the baby I lost it's not, "the miscarriage". It's Phoenix. Doing this has brought me a serenity that I didn't think I'd find again.)

Or, your peace with this may not come until you hold your baby in your arms.

However your peace will come, it will come.

Please, sweetie, feel free to contact me if you need to talk.
~joanna

Answer 2

I know what you are going through. My husband and I lost a baby girl on Aug 11th at 21 weeks. I went to my OB on Fri and got a prescription for Zoloft, and even though I am not quite back to my old self, I am starting to notice a difference. Sometimes when a miscarriage happens before 12 weeks it means that the baby would have had some kind of life-threatening problem and it is nature's way of handling it. (I also had 3 early miscarriages before having my son). Talk to your OB. It is normal to have all these feelings, but there is help out there. There is also a website you can go to and put your baby's name (Even if you didn't know the sex, you can have a name put on this site) www.angels4ever.com I added my daughter's name to the site. Also through this site you can sign up to yahoo groups to talk to other mothers that have lost babies to miscarriage, still birth, or lost a baby soon after being born. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

First of all, 12 days is not a long time. Give yourself some time to recover. You lost a loved one, and that takes more than 12 days to recover. Some people do not understand that, which could be one reason that it seems that no one is acknowledging your miscarriage, or some people just feel uncomfortable. Like a death of anyone, people don't know what to say, when to say it, and most unpredictably, YOUR reaction. So don't think that people just forgot about your baby. Also, I think something that may speed your grieving process along would be naming your baby and giving him/her a memorial.

I know that you will get through this rough spot, but don't expect it to happen over night. STAY STRONG!

Answer 4

It is a saddening to lose a baby. But it the not end of the world. You could try again.
I guess your friends, family and co-workers are shocked and do not what to say.Don't give it sometime and you eventually get a child. Concentrate on your school and work.
Thank god you, have a very supportive husband that will be with you from think and thin.
Good luck and I hope you and your husband is blessed with a bundle of joy in the near future.

Answer 5

I miscarried when I was 16wks. It sucked. The doc told me that 1 in 5 preg end in miscarriage. Why didn't someone tell me this sooner? I know how you feel and I am sorry for your loss. I was told to wait a couple of months before I tried again. Be patient and try again when your ready. You may also be experiencing post pardem depression so talk to your doc. You will never completely get over the loss but you do learn to live with it.


Have Faith it will get better.

Answer 6

Take comfort in your husband and talk with him about it. He is the one who can offer you the most as he has lost his child too. Why don't you arrange a little get together of your closest family and friends where you can have a little ceremony to acknowledge that you had a child living inside you. May seem a bit far out and wacky, but i've known people that have done this and they begin to feel better. It also makes people acknowledge the fact you have lost something precious. Try vocalising about it with your friends. Many of them probably don't have a clue what to say to you, but if you guide the conversation you could say something like," I know you probably don't know what to say to me but i really need you to just listen and give me a hug when i'm done" This may make people feel more comfortable, everyone can give a hug. I feel for you and hope that your pain eases for you soon. God bless. x

Answer 7

That sounds so hard--I would be crushed too. Just keep in mind that a lot of people go through this and then get pregnant later. This is not the end for you! Try to concentrate on healing and your new marriage right now and know that God will bless you with a baby one day.

Answer 8

Although it's easier to say than do...have patience and things will work out. Many women who've miscarried have gone on to have perfectly healthy babies. The best thing for you to do--take things one day---one hour at a time. Don't think about the 'big' picture...don't think about years or months from now...just get through the next hour...or the next day...and before you know it months will have gone by. It's difficult to find strength when you're depressed--but you can do it. You may also want to think about talking to your doctor about temporary medication to help you through your depression or anxiety. I truly wish you the best...and I know that you will make it through this to be a STRONGER person.

Answer 9

One of my best friends went thru 4 mis-carriages before she was able to go full term. After the second one she said she had given up and wasn't going to try anymore. She spoke to her Dr. about it and he recommended finding both a private therapist and a group that would help her along. She found a group thru the internet that helps women understand their bodies (nutrition, hormones, diet, exercise, stress control, etc) and she found information on medicines that help keep the gestation period normal. If your in college you might want to look in your school directory for women's study groups. It's not exactly what your looking for but a professor or counselor in this area might be able to give you the info to lead you in the right direction

Answer 10

Your story sounds identical to mine, keep your head high, God has great things in store for you. Now I know this is not what you'd like to hear, most miscarriages are the result of genetic deformitys. Now I had deep depression immediately following my bad new, I was 12 weeks, and the ultrasound said 8 weeks, and week 13, I had my d and c.
Now a wise woman told me this, God helps the ones who cannot help themselves.
Think about it.
Great things are yet to come.