What is TOXIC LOVE?

Question

What happens in a toxic love relationship? is all hope lost for being together? is it possible to fix?

Answer 1

Are you in a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend that you know is bad for you? Do your family and friends tell you how concerned they are? Do you make up your mind to leave only to go right back again? Are you continuing to pursue a partner who refuses to commit to you? Are you coming into the relationship with low self esteem, feeling needy? Does the relationship make you miserable but seem to have an unnatural hold on you? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may have a love addiction.

When we think of addictions, we think of alcohol, drugs, gambling or food, but addiction to love can be even more prevalent than any of these, especially among women. Love is a primary emotion that is as powerful as cocaine. Women tend to be the eternal optimists and many times are raised to look for the good in people. Women are also quick to forgive and accept an apology. But that is not always realistic. If your heart gets in the way of what your head is telling you, making healthy choices may be very difficult.


From an early age, we are taught that love is a beautiful thing, and love lasts forever. The pictures of beautiful weddings and riding off into the sunset tell us that in order to be happy, we have to be in love. And just like alcoholics or drug addicts, the first words from the mouth of a love addict are, “Oh don’t be silly. If I wanted out of this, I could walk away. But you don’t know him/her like I do. I’m happy. No, really. Well, at least most of the time.” Denial is strong. Many suicides, murders, stalkings, rapes, and other “crimes of passion” were a result of a love addiction.

Some of the signs of love addiction are:
1. Having an “empty hole” inside the heart that needs to be filled, either from childhood neglect or abuse, or a hurtful experience in adulthood. Coming from a vulnerable place makes you more susceptible to love addiction.
2. Putting on a mask of “having it all together” so others won’t see how miserable you are, or that you’ve been crying. Not being honest about the situation.
3. Mistaking the drama in the relationship for passion or intensity.
4. Depression. Losing interest in the things in life you used to enjoy.
5. Isolating from friends or family, making excuses.
6. Coming from a lost relationship and rebounding into this one.
7. Overwhelming fear of being alone or not having a girlfriend/boyfriend, or being rejected.
8. Mistaking sexual attraction for love.
9. Escalating tolerance for bad behavior (putting up with more and more.)
10. Refusing to admit the toxicity of the relationship, denial.
11. Continually questioning your previously held beliefs and values.
12. Feeling desperate, driven, needy, and clingy.
13. Defining out of control behavior as normal.
14. Giving up your personal boundaries, doing things for this person you never thought you’d do for anyone.
15. Low self-esteem. (What if no one else wants me?)
16. Feeling like your life is out of control or you are “riding a roller coaster” in the relationship with more lows than highs.
17. Taking less care of your personal needs than you did previously.
18. Other areas of your life are suffering because of this relationship.
19. Feeling like his/her love is conditional on you doing/being what he/she wants.
20. Saying, “He/she didn’t mean what they said/did.” People may hurt your feelings unintentionally once and apologize. After that, it’s not unintentional, no matter how many apologies or tears follow.
21. Lack of love toward the person but still holding on to the relationship (I hate you, but don't leave me.)

If you think you may be addicted to a toxic person or relationship, there is hope. The very first step is to admit the relationship you are involved in is not healthy. You already suspected something was wrong before reading this article. I urge you to seek support. Talk to your family and friends and tell them you need them to help you. Go to a professional counselor or your clergy and explain that you believe you are in an unhealthy relationship and need help to leave it. You may have to talk to someone outside of this relationship for awhile to get into a healthier mindset in order to leave the relationship. Be kind to yourself. Ask for help to set a plan in place. Remember your goals. Avoid being “caught in the moment” and making decisions that are not part of your long term goals for yourself. It's not just a question of leaving the relationship and choosing someone else to be involved with. You have to change how you think about romance and love. As hard as it may seem to the love addict, you have to be willing to put love feelings on the back burner and put compatibility, common values, and honesty ahead of emotional attachments. Allow yourself time to cry and grieve. Remember it may be easy to leave, but much more difficult to “stay out”. You need support to do this. Have someone you can call when you are feeling weak and thinking of going back.

Warning: If you are being abused physically, or feel fearful of physical violence of any kind, you need to get out of the relationship immediately and go to a place that is safe. Stay with a friend or family member or seek a shelter in your community. Your local police department can give you the information about the resources in your community.

If you find yourself addicted to love, know that you are not alone. You are not weak or stupid. Love addiction is usually a compulsion that happens so gradually that it is difficult to see the warning signs. But your happiness is important. Your needs are important. Seek help today to put your life back where it needs to be.

Answer 2

I totally agree with Daddy's Lil Tease and it gave me the added strength to do what I need to do with my toxic love relationship. If you have lost sight of you and what you deem important, then cut your losses and move on. The thing about something being toxic is that it seems good to you but will kill you. For example, certain foods taste wonderful (fried chicken, sweets, rich foods) but an overindulgence of them can cause high blood pressure, diabetes and even heart attacks. Why ? Because they are toxic and slowly killing you. It's the same with a toxic relationship. Certain parts feel really good but is the stress and hurt worth it? Is the loss of your self worth and dreams worth it? I think not. It took me years to figure this one out (hello, I just got it recently!) but don't stay in it if you see trouble brewing ahead. Keep your head up, be encouraged and walk in wisdom.

Answer 3

Toxic love is a dependent relationship wherein one partner is mentally, physically or emotionally abusive to the other and has broken the other one down so bad to the point that they can't leave because they are convinced they can't do any better.

The only way it can be fixed is if the abusive spouse recognizes there's a problem with him/herself and attempts to help themselves change their attitude but usually by this time the relationship has been damaged beyond repair.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

When the physical relationship is so good that you put up with anything to keep it even if its not in your best interest.

Answer 6

1

Answer 7

toxic love isnt good!!

Answer 8

destruction!

Answer 9

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