my wife ignores me (not about money), i am very lonely, what do i do to win her ?24yr marriage lonely in Tulsa

Question

I love my wife, but she only speaks to me when there is a financial issue at hand, wanting me to solve it (I always do) good ol' money bags husband, this is the ONLTY time she speaks to me and NEVER NEVER touches me or allows me to rouch her without acting exasperated. Help we have 4 kids still at home, but I get sick of it.

Answer 1

sounds like you two need to get away.. just the two of you..

reignite what you felt for each other 24 years ago.

take her off guard.. do spontaneous acts of kindness.. sing for no reason.. reinvent yourself.. so she sees that your still there.. still in the marriage that has fizzled out..

instead of touching her.. drop her sweet little notes in places she'll find when you're not around.

ask if you can read to her.. and actually do it with interest.. :D

cook for her .. her favorite meal without her knowing..

Answer 2

I know a man who feels a lot like you do. We reside in the same home together. Has your wife went through menopause yet? A lot of women lose virtually all sex drive B-4 & during this time in their lives. The need and the desire to be touched, carressed, loved, just kind of goes away & anything you do along these lines will at times seriously irritate her! If however, this is not the case, then try lovingly talking to her about how you feel. Tell her you are tired of being her money tree, and want your relationship to grow in love. Fix her a candlelight dinner. Maybe it will remind her of why she married you in the first place, & help her see that although she is a very busy mother, and wife she needs to take time to relax, & truly enjoy her marriage. She may also be feeling like you are only interested in the sexual side of your marriage, and the financial side, & not at all interested in her and your children and how their lives are going. Become a little more involved in things that need done around the house such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, dusting, all of the things that traditionally were the responsibility of the woman of the house. Warning though: Most women are set in their ways about how those things are done, and have serious problems with someone doing it a different way, even though the end result may be the same. Try Honey you deserve a break from all that you do, so if you will tell me how you preferr (whatever) done, I will do it for you. At times women feel like their husbands take them for granted, & men do not usually intend for a woman to feel that way, it just happens. All of our lives are always so busy sometimes all of us get in a rut and forget about all the many little things that make our lives so important. Make/buy her a card and tell her you love her and appreciate all of the things she does for you and the kids. Leave it somewhere she will find it sometime during the day to surprise her. Love and true appreciation can go a long way in a relationship. Say an extra prayer for her. If none of this works, then look somewhere else for the cause of this problem. something could be physically wrong with her, & she doesn't want to tell you. She could be deperssed and lonely and doesn't want to burden you with her problems. Talk to her first & foremost. Do not assume anything, and do not look for something that is not there. If worse comes to worse hire a private detective and see if someone else is causing the problem. Please do NOT assume that is the problem. Try other things first.

Answer 3

The ONLY way to fix this is to talk to each other. She needs to tell you why she is behaving this way, and you need to tell her how it's making you feel. That's not easy to do on your own, so if you can afford it, I would go to a marriage counsellor. You can go and see the counsellor yourself first, and he/she will give you some ideas on how to approach your wife about getting her to come along.

If you can't afford a counsellor, then you'll just have to try communicating yourself. This is going to take some skill, because it would be very easy for the conversation to turn into an argument and that won't get you anywhere. Study the information in the links below about Assertiveness and Active Listening before trying it.

It's important that you start your conversation by telling her you love her. Use the techniques suggested in the websites, like acknowledging her problems before expressing how you feel (so she doesn't feel criticised) and repeating back her answers (so she knows you understand what she's just said).

Whichever path you choose, good luck. But I'd have to say, there is a possibility that she has fallen out of love with you and is only staying with you for the sake of the children. Either way, it 's better to find out now than later.

Answer 4

Just a suggestion.This may not be the answer to your problem but give it a try and see what happens.Shock her by doing something different.Leave and go to a movie alone.Go to the mall and buy a nice shirt for yourself.You know start going out on your own and doing more for yourself.She will notice.Believe me.
Then be straight foward and tell her that you
don't like how she has been ignoring you.So
your just trying to take some time to enjoy yourself since she doesn't want to enjoy with you.But let her know without being rude that her behavior is hurting you.Try and make a
weekly routine.Like family night.Take her and the kids and go out.And then later you and her spend time together alone.If she wont change even after you have told her that her behavior hurts you then you may have to accept the fact that you need to let her go.

PS:Never let a woman use you for your money!!
If she is only nice to you when she wants money then you have a real problem on your hands.Don't let it escalate.

Answer 5

Hmm why does she act that way??? my dear friend, I think your wife got some serious issues! I think you guys need to talk things out with eachother or see a consultant… I cant see the reason why your wife is behaving this way towards you…for this kind of cases, its usually the matters of heart and feelings... What im trying to say is its either your wife has something or her mind or she doesnt feel the same way as she felt for you last time... or it could be because as you said you have 4 kids...so it could be the reason why she doesnt want to get intimatw with you any more as obth of you have kids now, so i think that she gives her full concentration on her kids rather than you as she might think its her responsibilty... it can be either way but whatever it is, you guys need to talk throught abt this... tell her how it has affected you all this years when she treated you that way... tell her how you feel abt the whole issue and clarity with her whether if there is anything that she hides from you... i know it could get to a bitter argument but you guys should talk and clear things up... you dont want it to be like this forever right? Just be truthful, clarify and express your emotions to her… don’t worry just hope for e best and work thing out together… if you think you need a hand for this issue… get a consultant… I know it might be embarrasing for some… but it works!

Answer 6

Part of the problem may be that you still have 4 kids at home.

Have you tried to make time for just the two of you. Take her on a date, the only rule is that no talking about the kids. Maybe she just need to remember why she fell in love with you 24 yrs ago.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Sounds like your wife and you need a good heart to heart conversation. Ask her what the problem is. Tell her how you feel about what is happening in the marriage. Get counseling if need be. If she won't talk to you or listen to you, send her an email with all your feelings about the marriage. My husband interupts me everytime I try to talk to him about our marriage, so I got so sick of it, I started emailing him what I had to say. That way I get it all out on black and white. He doesn't like it, but hey, atleast I get to say my peace without being interupted.

Answer 8

I am not sure what the problem is. Have you asked her? Sounds like you may need to see a marriage counselor or family minister. 24 years of marriage is definitely worth going the extra miles to try and salvage. Intimacy is important in a relationship. Try to get her to see this, without sexual undertones, and see if she is willing to see if you two can get back on track.
Good luck

Answer 9

well just remember that divorce is never the answer. you should call lex and terri in the morning on your local rock station and talk to them. they'll know what to do. but if u don't feel like doin that then buy her something nice or take her out on a date or suck up to her somehow. either that or if you're feeling really desperate for some sex just slip some alcohol into her juice or rum in her pop or something. that'll make her want to be close to you in a jiffy. best of luck dude!

Answer 10

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