my mother and i haven't gotten along in quite a few months because all she would do is yell at me about money or my boyfriend. but now i've gotten myself into all these lies and got caught in all of them. and i know what i did is wrong and i can admit that but what i can figure out is how can i gain the respect and trust from my mother again? how i can get her to understand that i need her and that i love her! i've done terrible things that only terrible humans would do and i'm so close to just giving up on everything. i know i need help and i'm seeking it but i was hoping to gather some suggestions from maybe someone who went through something like this or just suggestions overall. please help i will try anything to have my mother back.
2006-09-12 15:38:00 · 17 answers · asked by ♥ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First off, good for you for owning up to your mistakes and wanting to fix them. One of the hardest things for any human being to say is "I'm sorry - I was wrong."
Have you apologized to your Mom? Maybe you did in the heat of the moment, but not sincerely, and calmly, later? It's worth a shot. "I'm so sorry - I feel terrible about what I put you through" might help start the ball rolling. When she does talk about how you hurt her, let her talk and LISTEN. Don't make excuses. Remember that - NO EXCUSES. Excuses just nibble away at an apology until they eat it up as thought it had never been offered.
That's the "word" part of the plan. Now for the "deeds" part. Words are worthless without behavior that backs them up. Understand that it takes time for people to deal with hurt, anger, and/or betrayal. It doesn't happen overnight. She'll have to see you acting in such a way that it's clear you truly are sorry for what you did, and are determined not to do it again. She'll have to see you acting that way for quite a while before she feels she can trust the "new you."
Good news - you have a chance to decide who you are going to be from here on, and it doesn't have to be the person you were before. Just like building muscle, building character takes time, practice, and a lot of "reps" to be strong, but you can do it. In time, your Mom will see that you've not only turned a corner, you've gone down a new, better path, and she'll come to trust you again. Good luck!
2006-09-12 15:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the only thing you can do is to talk with your mother. Tell her everything. Tell her how you feel and why you did the things you did. Be completly honest with her. It will take some time to regain her trust and respect but being honest now is a good start.
2006-09-12 15:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once you break someone's trust, it is hard to get it back. You may have to face the reality that your mother may never trust you again. Your mother is justified in not trusting you. You need to be honest with your mother and admit to her face all of your lies and tell her how sorry you are. She will see that you were brave enough to come to her and admit your mistakes and that may get her to start trusting you again. Good luck.
2006-09-12 15:48:18 · answer #3 · answered by Prince W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to make her beleive you mean it.. Saying I am sorry only works if you TRULY mean it.... I couldn't tell you the times I heard it from my daughter... The number of times I have bailed her out... Grant you.. I loved her the same.. As well as your Mother still does you... You may not think it at the moment.. But I am sure they has been plenty of times she has cried that you have not seen... As Mothers and Fathers... Our hearts are riped out and stomped on in more ways then we can count by our children... That is not saying we love you any less.... There is never a time I stopped loving her... Every time I heard "I AM SORRY" I hoped she really meant it this time.... Today she has children of her own.. And what a joy it is to hear her say.. MOM.... If they ever put me through what I did you.................... I listen to every word and just smile................. So to you my dear... I say.... When you look at your Mom and say """I AM SORRY""" mean it.............. Good luck...
2006-09-12 15:48:20 · answer #4 · answered by levita45 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience I can say that Mom are not everything. Tell her the truth. Tell her you love her. Tell her your heart. But if she chooses not to love you it is her loss. Mom are human too and make errors and hurt. Dont let her have so much power over your life. Live for Gods approval not your Mothers.
2006-09-12 15:42:42 · answer #5 · answered by Little Wifey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her starting now. It may raise more problems but she'll focus and realize you are who you are and accept you. I know you are 21 because I read your other post- So am I. This is OUR AGE! This is where we show our parents who the heck we are. They want nothing more than for us to succeed. They don't want us making the same mistakes they did. Show them you are responsible and show them you care and respect them. Because you do. You just have a hard time expressing it.
2006-09-12 17:53:57 · answer #6 · answered by spacecommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to your mother and confess the things u did and tell her how sorry u r for it all and how u want to start over again the right way, or maybe write it all in a letter first and set up a time to get together and talk , god bless your heart
2006-09-12 15:43:28 · answer #7 · answered by cc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
best way is stay quiet and lowkey for few days like 6 to 8 days to let things cool off. if u r in school get a job afterwards to keep distance and u r busy. when things settle, calmly tell her.."Mommy, I want u to know I love you." i want to begin contributing to this household or lets have a chat about my boyfriend. She probably dislikes him so dont be combative. In this life we discuss things. every problem has a solution. i wish you luck. email me if u like
2006-09-12 15:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by Necat T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about you just be honest with her and admit to all your lies and fabrications and tell her how sincerely sorry you are and try to move on.
there's some saying something about telling 1 lie and having to make up 10 more to cover the other one.
forgot how that goes. but its the truth
2006-09-12 15:41:25 · answer #9 · answered by Denise 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother knows you love her, and she knows you need her love, and she will love you unconditionally, no matter what. Best thing to do, is to sincerely apologize, then make good on those apologies. Trust is earned. Chances are, she has been in your shoes.
2006-09-12 15:42:57 · answer #10 · answered by Elly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋