here it is, its supposed to include metaphors, which I think I included....Oh well, please rate! thnx =P
The day you were put into this earth,
You were bound to experience something,
To experience something you never would wish,
A horrible horrible something,
You would wish and wish for it not to happen all day long,
But it’s really not that horrific,
You will be crushed when it’s done,
Devastated to be more specific,
It is a black cloud hovering over our heads,
It is a nightmare that makes us toss and turn in our beds,
Its name sends chills right up your spine,
If you think about it too hard you might start crying,
It’s a big mean monster hiding in your closet,
Waiting to jump out and scare you,
You try to stop it, you try to pause it,
But its done, he already ate you,
The name of this monster is Death,
And it’s a very powerful thing,
With his red beady eyes and his sharp pointed scythe,
It is the ultimate killing machine.
2006-09-12 15:27:48 · 12 answers · asked by Jenny(: 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
BTW, im in 8th grade, if that helps you with rating...
2006-09-12 15:28:33 · update #1
7.5...it's nice but some words could b more advanced-instead of crying: bawling or tearing
2006-09-12 15:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by m11y. 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You did a great job with the metaphors, I'd give them an 8. You might want to work on your rhyming scheme. Try an abab scheme (that means the first and third line rhyme, and the second and fourth rhyme). Or an abcb scheme (the second and fourth rhyme). Or an aabb (first and second rhyme, third and fourth rhyme), etc. Keep it constant throughout the poem. Or, you can just not rhyme at all. It's important for the flow of the poem to stay constant, but don't compromise your wording. I hope this helped! I really think you did a great job, keep up the good work!
2006-09-13 14:50:02 · answer #2 · answered by kameka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For an eigth grader, it's pretty amazing. I love the metaphors that you have used. That is your biggest strength. Also, I like how you made the reader keep guessing what you are talking about until near the end. That's pretty impressive. Your rhyme scheme is not consistent, not that a rhyme scheme is even needed in a poem, but consistency would be good. Overall, I give it about a 8. It's amazing.
2006-09-12 15:36:20 · answer #3 · answered by frisbee72001 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i'm not plenty for poems yet i might say that's a pair of four. the reason I say that is considering which you used typical words the ingredient approximately poetry is each and each notice you pick ought to be carefully chosen and chosen for a particular reason. thoughts are poetry merely righting precisely the way you sense isn't v. imaginative.
2016-10-14 22:52:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did an excellent job, and for one so young too. I also think that you should put it on the poetry.com website, and get it published. I have some of my work on there. It's a $10, 000 contest , held twice a year. Check it out!
2006-09-12 15:34:20 · answer #5 · answered by classyjazzcreations 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Very much a 10, especially considering your age!
2006-09-12 15:35:19 · answer #6 · answered by NorthernCA/FL 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
5. I think that with a few changes it could be nice. Try writing about happy stuff not death
2006-09-12 15:35:58 · answer #7 · answered by nursie1986 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
8 its good
2006-09-12 16:16:48 · answer #8 · answered by leslie h 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
wow, that;s really powerful. i give it an 8.
2006-09-12 15:30:55 · answer #9 · answered by mabisha_hearts_starz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i give u a 7,not bad .
2006-09-12 15:33:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋