How can I overcome these feelings?

Question

When someone tries to abuse me (non-physically) with verbal conflict and arguments, I instantly feel an overwhelming urge to vomit, my heart races, and my stomach cramps up. Why am I so super sensitive? How do I counteract my physical reaction and just "stand strong" so to speak (both physically and emotionally)?

Another thing that happens is that I breathe hard and fast.

Answer 1

First of all, you need to realize that the way people treat others is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. If they are tearing you down, it is because they find it easier to tear you down to the level of inferiority they feel that thay are at, rather than have the confidence to raise themselves to the level of superiority they see you at. Look at it like this; they need to reduce you to a level that is more comfortable for them to deal with.
If someone has hate and spite in their heart, and they feel entitled to unleash it on others regularly, it is there because they are probably afraid to let go of it. It comforts them to abuse, and it gives them a feeling of superiority, though only temporarily. They secretly feel ashamed with themselves, and project their negative self image outwardly.
We all want to feel special, important, accepted, admired, recognized, attractive, noticed..... Some of us feel naturally entitled to it, and that others should give it to us, but don't know the proper way, so we try to force it. Some of us realize that we must earn those things. We give to others what we want from them.

Replace your feelings of being the victim, with compassion and forgiveness for the abuser. Feel sorry for him. He should not be big enough or significant enough to affect your own self image. Take the high road, and keep your composure. Be the bigger person. Empower yourself by choosing your feelings about it. Realize that it takes energy to do, and feel sorry that your abuser does not have that kind of energy or strength.
Give to others the accpetance and compassion you want from them. Think to yourself "He/she must be having a realy bad day. Something must be causing them to feel really small." Think of one nice thing to say, or a gesture, to de-escalate them. Try really hard to build rapport by breaking the ice. Ask them their opinion on something (the drinking age? gay marriage? the war in Iraq?). Asking their opinion will throw them off guard, because it shows that you care what they think (even if you are only pretending to) and you respect them (same).
You could get some real satisfaction by throwing them off balance and turning the situation in your favor. You may even make a friend out of it....
Take Care!

Answer 2

to me, there is no such thing as being super sensitive. what u r experiencing (urge to vomit, heart races, and stomach cramps) are normal reactions when someone is having a hard time and in distress. u don't need to worry about that. accept it, embrace it.

what you need to worry is how are you going to react to the abuse. to stand strong takes a lot of courage and it can be hard. I guess you're a timid, peace loving person - which makes it harder. the good news is you can develop the courage by starting to believe in yourself. do it! :)

next, find someone to share what you're feeling. if you don't have that someone, try writing it down on a piece paper. I'm sure you'll feel a bit better after writing it down.

lastly, the environment you're in doesn't suit you. you're in a conflicting, troublesome environment. you can't change the environment but you can change the way you look and react to it.
try to see everything in a different light or view. don't see problems as obstacles. see them as challenges for you to improve yourself.

remember - God gives people problems that they can handle and never above their capabilities. another thing, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!

take care.

Answer 3

Verbal conflict and arguments are a normal part our everyday life. Look into yourself and try to remember how long these symptoms have been occurring and what needs are you getting satisfied with these reactions. Ask yourself are you feeling better or worst and what are you feeling. You need to identify these feelings because what you are discribing are symptoms. It appears you are experiencing some type of anxiety. Anxiety comes in different forms (i.e. social anxiety).

First Start with:
1. documenting under what situations you are having these symtopms, how long do they last, frequency and what do you do to stop the episode.
2. You will need this when you seek help from a professional.

What you are experiencing are coping skills due to some type of trauma, and you have to learn new coping skills as a process to healing yourself. It is great that you are talking about it and this is your first step to emotional recovery.

Answer 4

They're not trying to abuse you, they ARE abusing you. Your fear is a natural response to threat, it is building you up to a great physical encounter for either fight or flight and that physical trouble is you are indecisive for that choice. Being of civil society, such as it is, neither choice is acceptable in your mind and perhaps not in reality either, the sample conditional difference. Perhaps you could practice running a way and to fight for defense.

I do not believe you are any more sensitive to threat than anyone else, but your reaction is premature because you haven't done any running or fighting yet. The other unfinished business is that you are unprepared for debate, so practice debate, identify your own beliefs and opinions and learn to theorize about the intent and basis in the abusive other and to be practical critical. Perhaps there are somethings you agree on.

Answer 5

First, try to avoid those someones who are verbally abusive.

Second, your physical reaction may be your body's way of telling you that you are in harms way.

Assertiveness, does not always work with the verbally abusive. It may just increase their agitation.

Lastly, seek psychotherapy.

Answer 6

Thank you at least now I know that some people have a heart. Be thankful that you have these feelings and just go with it.