So my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 months, without any sex, of any kind. I thought it was a bit strange, but went along, just figuring it would come around. But the other night, she tells me that our relationship is solid, and she feels herself falling in love, but she can't bring herself to have sex with me. Now, we have both had many previous partners... sex is not a new thing to either of us, and we're both attractive people. She claims that "her body says yes, but her head says no." Any thoughts on what we should do, where to go from here? Please spare me the smartass answers! Thanks guys..
2006-09-12 14:40:50 · 39 answers · asked by brdnwp04ball 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Perhaps she feels that if she does, then the relationship will change. After all she may feel that that was the downfall in her past relationships. Or is it possible that she is upset with you about something you do not know about? An argument or misunderstanding that may or may not have been cleared up thoroughly enough? Or maybe something trumatic has happened since before you got together, like a rape? Either way this is something that you're going to need to think long and hard on.
Access just how important she and sex is to you. Do you care for her enough to wait until she is ready? Or is sex that big of a thing where you would rather try your luck with someone else? Whatever it is, only you can say yourself.
Try asking her again after you have conemplated on this alone and see if she may be able to be a little more open with you. But remember to be supporting and sensitive in your question and not to push it if she really does not want to say. Tell her how this makes you feel, and let her know what is going on in your mind.
Couples counciling is also an option if you two really want to make this work. The only thing I would advise is not to seek your sexual desires outside of the relationship. That would hurt more in the long run than anything else. And if you feel the urge to cheat is too great, then break up with her and both find your own happiness.
Good luck!
2006-09-12 15:59:56 · answer #1 · answered by Nixxy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are things about a woman's intuition that neither you nor I will ever understand. She might not even understand it. But there might be some underlying thing that bothers her subconsciously and she doesn't know what it is yet. Also, maybe she had a change of heart since her last partner and might be thinking of saving it till she gets married, but doesn't know how to express that, since you know she's been with people.
The best thing you can do is to be understanding, and not ask for a reason, or pressure her into it. The more you push, the less fun and special it will be. Let her figure it out without you asking about it all the time, and just relax. I know it's hard to go without when you've had it, but show her you love her and that you're above a relationship that's just centered around sex. Show her that you will stay with her and not worry about it till she's ready.
Don't try to figure it out, cause even if SHE figures it out and tries to explain it to you, you probably won't understand or agree with her way of thinking. Just appreciate her and take it at face value. Good luck, you seem like a nice guy that deserves alot of respect. I admire that.
2006-09-12 14:47:48 · answer #2 · answered by Rockstar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would respect her wishes, you cant (and should never) force someone or make them feel guilty or wrong for this. 3 months is really not that long. I have had friends who waited till they were married (a little over a year). Granted I think you should test drive before you buy (sorry it just fit), but when she feels comfortable and the time is right for her, it will be amazing for both of you.
She was probably raised to hold off and wait, or she had problems in her past that are making her feel this way. Try to be a friend, a good friend and communicate your feelings and concerns. Trust me, as a women, a man you feel is your best friend, someone you can trust, who ends up becoming a lover, makes is all the more exciting and - she wont hold back during love making when the time does come.
2006-09-12 14:45:40 · answer #3 · answered by Vikki Nicole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In 2006 3 months is long enuf. I suspect few relationships can withstand the hormonal chaos while abstaining too long. This can lead to exactly the opposite of what she aspires to achieve by waiting. I prefer an honest approach i.e. 'I really don't want to wait. My feelings are very strong and I feel it is more than enuf time. I want you NOW... then seduce her and see. Sadly many women are LIARS either inherently or as a result of bad relationships. Many have married guys that drop a load once a week or bi monthly and this reinforces the low self esteem and self loathing.... hard to believe but this is going on all over the place. women who do this are looking for a 'fag' i.e. a best friend while they have illicit SEX with an adulterous pig.
She may just be falling in love with you and does not wish to spoil it but then......... I would really like to know how this turns out for you. GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-12 14:49:21 · answer #4 · answered by larry s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe in the past she had some negative experiences with sex and previous boyfriends. She could quite possibly just be making sure she truly has the feelings for you without sex being an issue. 3 months seems like a long time but in reality it isn't.
I wouldn't worry about it. When she decides that she is ready I would take it as a compliment!
2006-09-12 14:44:20 · answer #5 · answered by SteelersFan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Atleast she is being honest with you. She just is not ready and the fact that she is making these carefull thoughts does mean she cares. It may be hard to ask some questions without prying but maybe she had a bad experience and wants to wait till the right time. She will come around you may just need to give her some time. Whatever you do dont make it an issue, she will start to think thats why you are there, just for sex (sometimes we get stupid ideas in our heads)
2006-09-12 14:47:20 · answer #6 · answered by Cherry_Blossom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, i think that question kind of answers itself. i mean think about it. if she's not ready, what do you think the next step is? what you have to decide for yourself is, can i exist in a fruitful and growing relationship without sex? if the answer is yes, then just stay the course and it will happen in its natural timing. if the answer is no, then you've got more issues at hand than just why her body says yes and her head says no.
sexual actions should never dictate the relationship, as it is only a small part that cannot ever cover for bad communication or lack of trust. if you can't see yourself making it all the way to the alter with this woman without ever having sex, it may just be time to move on. if she intrigues you enough that you can definitely see yourself contiually enjoying the time you spend with her, sexual or not, then you, too, may be falling in love...
good luck!
2006-09-12 14:48:05 · answer #7 · answered by Choose Life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Respect her wishes to not have sex. Don't push it or put a time limit on it. You enjoy her company, do you not? You enjoy being with her, do you not? Let things happen naturally between the two of you. She may just feel that she needs to not have sex until she is married - I know many women who have had sex, then regretted having it and are now waiting for marriage. This could be the case with her - just respect her wishes if you love her.
2006-09-12 14:44:20 · answer #8 · answered by 'Barn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thsi is an honour, she is fallign in actual love with you, and feels that just sexually fooling around is disrespectful to the kind of love she has for you. If you just want the sex, or if the sex is extremely important to you than you should probably try to break up with her, but that is being very disrespectful and uncaring, she really is starting to love and care about you, and turnign her away because she ddoesn't want to have sex with you could really hurt her, I say, fidn it within yourself ot love her too, and in time, dont' care aobut the sex, it may come later on, or it may not. She truly loves you, and if you are only in it for the sex, then you've hart her right then, but you might as well end it now before you hurt her anymore as she falls deeper in love with you.
2006-09-12 14:46:08 · answer #9 · answered by locomonohijo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Done, finito, Over
If you have even a casual interrest in sex with your girlfriend ever in your shared lives and she says it's not possible there can be no feasable reason to remain in that relationship. The best case scenario is that she has a sexual disfunction, which, may provided she's interrested in seeking therapy, allow you to share a compromised level of intimacy with her. The worse case scenario is that she is manipulating you to get what she wants without giving you intimacy. In either case her only motivation to change will be the fear of losing you. If you remain you will ensure that your relationship with her will be sexless and your needs will go unmet and that you will be a part of a relationship that is crippled by it's lack of intimacy.
2006-09-12 15:06:14 · answer #10 · answered by W0LF 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋