I have suspected that my husband has maybe done something, but when I asked, he said,"No, I haven't." There is no proof that he's committed adultery. But there was a problem with porn on his part. He says he's quit, and as far as I know, he has. But there's been things that he has said in the past that have really hurt me and messed up my self-confidence. He's not verbally abusive, but has said some unkind things. He also didn't want to give up his friendship with his ex. He seems to think that, if I trust him, and he's not doing anything, then there shouldn't be a problem. Do any of you remain friends with your ex's? I have a problem with it, but should it be? I feel like he's choosing other people over me, and I don't know how to get over my low self-esteem and feelings of resentment towards him. What do I do? I feel like if I continue on this way, I will lose all love for him. However, he's in jail right now, so I can't really work things out with him. He was wrongfully accused.....
2006-09-12 14:39:01 · 12 answers · asked by verony 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess most men in jail are "wrongfully accused". But that is neither here nor there.
If him being friends with his ex is making you feel uncomfortable than he should be willing to let that friendship go. You 2 seem to have a communication problem. The man is not mind reader, so tell him how you feel. With him being locked up it should be easy to do. Write a letter telling him exactly how you feel. Let him know that some things do not make you feel comfortable. Do not dismiss your gut feelings about what you feel has happened or is happening. Our gut feelings are usually right. Address this before it becomes bigger than what it is. So many women are walking around with HIV and/or AIDS, because they didn't confront what needed to be confronted or loved themselves enough to know that God wants nothing but the best for them. We don't always marry the people God had planned for us. When we move ahead of God and do our own thing we fall short. That does not mean that you still can not have it. Pray that God will reveal to you what you need to know and then give you courage to address it. God does work on a practical level, He loves you. Now love yourself. Good Luck and God Bless
2006-09-12 15:00:30 · answer #1 · answered by LadyJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alright... First, uhm...*Hugs* You poor dear.
You may want to consider getting psychological help for your low self-esteem, and for the abuse your husband is putting you through. Because what you wrote saying what he is doing is considered emotional/verbal abuse. That isn't right. You've commented to him about the problem that you have with him and the relationship that he has with his ex. If he refuses to at least try to see your point of view, he doesn't really care about you. No offense. When you said "He's not verbally abusive, but has said some unkind things.", that was actually verbal abuse. Just so that you know. I grew up in a very abusive home, and I can recognize the symptoms.
And if you "feel like if I continue on this way, I will lose all love for him", then he is not the right person for you. Therapy will help you with sorting out your feelings and seeing if he's really the person that you want to be with. If I was you, though, I'd leave before it got worse. That's just my opinion. Leave, and get help. Please.
2006-09-12 15:00:33 · answer #2 · answered by dark_vampress_666 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off yes I am still friends with my ex. We couldn't stand each other married but he is my best friend now and I know I can talk to him about anything and he will tell me the truth. As for all of the other only you can decide what you can and cant put up with. I would start by going to see a councelor and working on the self-esteem issue. You say he isn't abusive but honey if he has done something to damage your self-esteem then that is abuse. He can maintain other friendships and have contact with other people but he needs to make time for you to show you that you come first in his life. My mother told me once to imagine your life 10 years from now with him and again 10 years from now without him and see which picture you like better. You are on the defense where he is concerned, just read back through what you wrote and see how many times you defended him, but at the same time there is no one that is in your corner. Get some help for you and then dealing with him will be a lot easier.
2006-09-12 14:51:14 · answer #3 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am on my part assuming that you are a Christian also, so the first thing I will say is that I will pray for you and your husband. You might also want to talk to your preist or pastor about your problems. It sounds as though he may have some problems of his own. Even if he was wrongfully accused, he must have been in a bad place to have even been accused. First of all you need to just confront him and tell him how he is making you feel. I think you can get along with your ex's without staying close friends. If he truly loves you and wants to stay with you, he will try to understand your feelings and make amends. Marriage is all about both of you giving 100% of yourselves all the time to each other. Be sure you let him know that you want him to tell you how he feels as well, but without belittle you. I hope everything works out for you. God bless.
2006-09-12 14:52:29 · answer #4 · answered by brendaleemadden 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
question...why is this directed to Christian people? Non Christians have morals & values plus intelligence also. This had nothing to do with God or religion it's a relationship question. To answer, most of the time when a partner sucepts cheating they are RIGHT. People however can be wrong, in the cases where one supects cheating and there is none.... the thought comes from the person being either inseaure, too controlling, low self worth, paroind, not havig their own life, or a combo of other self problems. Best not to start supecting wih no grounds. As for the friendship with the ex I personaly have ex's who are DISTANT friends I don't visit or go to lunch with them i also don't totally cut them out of my life either if i see them by chance i'll say hi. I think it's always a issue if your mate wants to hang out with a ex i think it's unacceptable to be friends with people you had sex with once your married. You should feel good he PICKED YOU, not her, he should accept that he choose you and not still be seeing her it's not apporite. You said he's in jail right now, just from that i'm going to JUMP to the conclusion he's not a good moral person stand up guy you should SET firm rules about what you'll accept. It's unaccaptable to me 4 my husband to go to jail. It's also a deal breaker for my husband to see ex's. I have no issues with porn at all. You just need to set up your own boundaries when a person breaks them you have conquences for that. People treat you the way you allow them to. YOU stand your ground about what matters to you if he can't accept that you move on.
2006-09-12 15:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's in jail & allegedly "wronfully accused"...as a christian woman don't you think it may be a sign from God that you should leave this relationship??? He is emotionally abusing you, hence the low self esteem and no self confidence. Mind games are abuse. Dangling the ex in front of your face is ABUSIVE!!!!!!!!!! Leave him...do not look back. Don't you think God wants you to be happy and feel completely loved by your partner?? Pack your bags...or pack his bags, and get rid of him. YOu deserve better!!!
2006-09-13 01:14:21 · answer #6 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a couple of ex's I am friends with both, one lives about 300 miles away and the other about 1/2 hour away. My wife knows that I have no lustful feeling for either of them. I am just friends and it will stay that way. The only thing that is keeping us friends is I have 2 children with the one 1/2 hour away. Other than that I probably would no see her.
2006-09-12 14:45:38 · answer #7 · answered by morris 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
they don't seem to be Jews because of the fact Jew's don't think the messiah has come yet. they have not got self assurance Jesus so believing in Jesus and saying your Jewish for sure contradicts one yet another.... this is unhappy that there are those Evangelist Christians that decision themselves "Jews". provide up this custom now, your disgracing the two Judaism and Christianity.
2016-12-18 09:19:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is reaping what he sowed if you want to through Christianity into this....
2006-09-12 15:59:20 · answer #9 · answered by lessonslearned 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God is talking to me right now and want's me to relay this message to you. "I told you not to marry that dope!"
2006-09-12 17:46:43 · answer #10 · answered by microwaved-brain 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋