I feel so bad that I feel this way about my husband/?

Question

My husband is a good man. He would do anything for me. But he doesn't know how to do anything and it makes me feel like I'm more of a mother figure than a wife. I'm tired of being his teacher. It's a total turnoff to me that he is like this. He forgets what I teach him and he sets himself up for failure every time. What do I do?

Ok, for those that needed to know more. He can't hold a job, he can't fix ANYTHING, he knows nothing about finances and he lacks major, major common sense. ex: he puts hot gas grill up against vinyl siding. Now we need new siding. and did I mention this happened 3 yrs ago and we still haven't fixed it. I could go on and on and on. Feel like crying.

Answer 1

Hmm..... Let's see. You can invite God into your relationship and pray for him. You can practice being a patient and more loving wife and remember the thing that attracted you to him in the first place. You can have faith him and reconfirm your love for him. You can assure him that you are going to stick with him through thick and thin just like you vowed on your wedding day. You can sit down and in a loving manner ask and discuss with him the very same things you are sharing with us. I will praying for both you and your husband and your marriage. Peace and God bless.

Answer 2

For him: Maybe you should treat him like a child who's almost grown up. Tell him that you can't do everything for him and that it's time for him to take more responsibility. When he does get things right, give him lots of praise or favorite rewards. Remember to make him feel important and valued and to be open to his new ideas.

Tell him that his growing up will help y'all's marriage. Be prepared for lots of mistakes, and realize that he's going to test your patience.

For you: Make sure you have some time away from him, to give yourself a break and to let him gain some independence. Go visit relatives by yourself or take a work-related trip. Maybe you could spend time away from him gradually, starting with a day or so, then seeing if he can survive a week on his own. The time apart might do you both some good.

I think leaving him would be the last resort. But consider asking yourself whether you'd be better off with him or without him.

Marriage can be hard work. But I'm betting that if y'all survive this, you both will be better people. You'll learn patience, and he'll learn independence.

I wish you both the best.

Answer 3

He probably already knows how you feel about him. You can't let someone down that much and not feel that kind of vibe.

Maybe he feels so lowly about himself now that he feels like it's not worth trying to improve on things in his life. It's easier for him to mess up and let you fix it, then to do it right. You have become his crutch.

This is the time you have to put it in a message to him and mean it if you can't go on this way. Don't enable him by giving him more chances, and mean it if you are serious about leaving. He won't change if he feels that you are just "empty promise" scaring him.

Answer 4

Explain to him what you just explained here. Let him know unless you already have, that you feel you are more of a mother figure to him because you are always teaching him stuff and he is never puttin that to use for next time. Let him know you think hes old enough to be able to do things on his own and should know what he has to do to not fail. Let him know you dont want to teach him anymore because you want him to be responsible and do things for himself without you always there showing him the way. Maybe hes doing it on purpose because he likes to be babied, and your giving in most of the time...if you just explain to him and not help him, he will have to do it on his own and not ask you for help all the time. And if he continues doing what hes doing then let him know its a turnoff, because if you let him know first thing, he may just want to give up and not try.

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel. My husband is like that his mother did everything for him, so it almost seems impossible that he does something and does it correctly.

I often wonder how can anyone lack what seems to be "common sense". I mean my husband let a complete stranger in the house because they wanted a drink. Its like having a 5yr old you have to keep an eye on him at all times.

My husband is slowly learning but it takes time. I just lack patience.

Answer 6

you have to be sure that you are not a control-freak, do you have other people that you don't like joining your forces with? this might be what turned you into mother figure. FIRST: RELAX, about life in general too. Second, set yourself on a misssion: for a four months, be lazy, leave everything for him to do, starting from dishes to online banking. but be firm with yourself and do not do anything for him (translate: you two). See if you are capable of doing that, than in January, with a start of new year you have the right to do anything you want.
good luck!

Answer 7

You must have noticed something before you married. But, have you checked to see if it's possibly something like a.d.d.? Or, some other condition? Like epilepsy. Not all have grand mal, some suffer absence seizures, that aren't obvious, but cause patients to behave oddly. My wife suffers from that. She also forgets things, and sometimes drives me crazy. Luckily, she is also a great wife, so I put up with the times that are less than wonderful.

Answer 8

How is the man going to find out how to do anything if you keep doing it all for him,and, he's probably pretending he cant do it so as you will. Stop mothering him and start treating him like a man instead of a boy, make him do it himself, if he messes up. ohh welll too damn bad. Tell him to try again.

Answer 9

I just want to know ONE thing.Are we married to the same guy? In addition to everything you said, he has jealousy issue with my son (he's not the father). I don't know about you, but I decided to call it quits and live my life raising the one child I do have happy adn stress free. Follow your heart and do what is best for you, not matter what others say. Keep your head up and be encouraged.

Answer 10

Ask yourself a few questions and come up with your own answer. Is this husband faithful? a good provider? and did you make a vow for better are worst. Stop trying to teach him. you are the one putting yourself in a mothers position. Let him be himself. you are trying to make him be what you want him to be.