So my bf of 3.5 years broke up with me on account of "he wants to do whatever the hell he wants without explaining to anybody", when all this time we agreed we would be considerate with eachother. He changes his mind constantly, so we have broken up before, but the longest we've been broken up is two days. He told me it was over on the phone, and hung up on me. Thing is, i have something of his that i have to give back. I'm sad cause i do love him, and i would want him to stick to his "i love you" part of the relationship, but he continues to flake on me. He's used to me caving in everything he wants. Should i contact him, or wait for him to call? i don't want to grovel, but i don't want him to think i don't care either, i'm still hopeful that he'll reconsider. What should i do?
2006-09-12 13:28:58 · 22 answers · asked by jade 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
something that you can do is mail the object to him that way your not really contacting him but your returning what belongs to him...another thing is that you guys have been together for 31/2 years he should know that you care but...it really sounds like youve been giving and giving and giving and maybe it would be nice to ask your self if he really does respect you because it sounds to me like "he's used me caving in everything he wants" means that he is continuously breaking your personal boundaries...and that doesnt show any respect for you...i know that it hurts to hear things like that and maybe your even getting a bit devensive and wanting to stick up for him but think of all that you have been thru...if this guy does care for you and you care for him they way you say you do then try to let him go and figure out what he wants...if he chooses to be with you he will let you know...i tried to ask and usually you get the i dont know answer and if you feel the same way as i do ...i would just wait and move on with your life and if it was meant ot be it will all come back together....
2006-09-12 13:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by mytedominatrix 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should hang out with your friends for a while, and even thought it will be hard, give him time. Let him see that you are doing your own thing and dont mind what he has done. Let him contact you first, unless its been like 2 weeks then you can call him to see how he is and if he wants whatever you have of his back. Maybe when he comes to get it, things may start up again. But dont act to pushy, if you love something let it go if it comes back its urs, thats how you know. So unless you think the fact that your showing you dont care will make him think that you dont love him and dont care that you guys broke up, then maybe you should do what feels right but if you think it will help if he sees your doing good too on your own he may realise what he left and want you back.
2006-09-12 13:34:57 · answer #2 · answered by haileyc30 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well girl sorry to say Been there done that, Obviously he id not ready for a committment and why should you stay and be heartbroken with someone who is unhappy with you or the relationship?? It's gonna hurt there is no denying that!! But you should enjoy the single life for awhile and one day you'll look back on this and realize how much of a learning experience this was there will be someone out there who wants to be with you and won't want to do whatevr the hell they want! Good luck! I stayed with someone like this for 8 years finally left and I'm happy with a man who truly loves me I thought I'd never get over my ex!!!
2006-09-12 13:35:49 · answer #3 · answered by AngeL*Lips 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! Call Dr. Laura Schlesinger before you do anything else! Read her book '10 Stupid Things Women Do..." If you aren't interested in calling Dr. Laura, here's some advice based on my experience:
1. DO NOT call him or contact him. If he absolutely wanted whatever you have in your possession, he would have taken it before dumping you. You have no obligation to give it back. At minimum, send it back to him in the mail WITHOUT A NOTE OR LETTER FROM YOU.
2. Do NOT take his phone calls or speak with him in any way.
3. DO NOT sit around and cry over this guy. You've know him long enough to know if he is good husband material. Obviously he's not or he wouldn't mistreat you.
4. DO change your thoughts to something else whenever you think of him. Remember - all emotions are preceded by a thought. If you teach yourself to control your thoughts, you'll gain control of those negative emotions. Don't beat yourself up if you slip. All habits take time to change, and allowing him to mistreat you is a habit. You and only you can change your habits.
5. DO positive affirmations everytime you are alone... sing them in your car, or in the shower. No matter how silly this sounds, don't allow embarrassment to stop you. Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye. Say some of the following affirmations aloud to yourself: "I am beautiful. I am lovable. I am the perfect mate. I am happy. I am content." If you are religious, sing the Lords prayer over and over. Say or sing, "God loves me." "I am perfect in God's eyes."
6. DO get active, whether by volunteering with a social group, teaching yourself a new skill, going to museums and libraries, or getting together with friends - ideally not to discuss your boyfriend because after 3 1/2 years with this guy they'll want to roll their eyes and ask 'What is it you don't get?"
The idea is to replace the old negative and sad thoughts and actions with new ones. This is accomplished by changing your habits. You'll need to condition your mind and thinking so you don't fall into the same old trap of attracting the wrong mate to you. Be patient with yourself, and remember - if you ARE a doormat, you WiLL be walked on. GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-12 14:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by LadyLgl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to stay in a relationship with someone who treats you so bad? Don't you think you deserve more than that. He treats you so badly because he knows you will always take him back. If you still have some of his stuff mail it back and get him to sign for it so he will not say you have not stolen anything of his. Find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You can't make anyone love you if they really don't.
2006-09-12 13:38:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait for him to call, give him his belongings back, then forget about him.
You deserve to have a partner that you can rely on, and doesn't want to do "whatever the hell he wants without explaining to anybody".
To be honest, he sounds very immature and quite selfish.
Hope you find the strensth to dump HIS ***.
Best wishes :)
2006-09-12 13:34:32 · answer #6 · answered by Edward collinderhands 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want him to call you? You should be glad that he's gone. Move on, for goodness sakes. Get off the floor and stop letting him walk on you, you're not a doormat. And think, if you keep taking him back, it only makes it easier for him to leave again.
A smart man once said, "If you keep doing the same things, you'll keep getting the same results.
2006-09-12 13:36:55 · answer #7 · answered by sleepingbeauty123 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my humble opinion, and you can take it or leave it is, let him go, if he is that freaking fickled then who needs him. As far as the item of his that you have, don't worry about getting it back to him. Let him be the one to get it from you if it is that important to him. From the sounds of things you should be grateful that this happened, now grieve for a while but then remember, there is always someone better out there, just wait and see.
2006-09-12 14:40:51 · answer #8 · answered by morris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey dear
there are a lot of guys out there who will appreciate you for what and whom you are. I know what i said right now wont mean much to you at this point of time....but from all accunts of what you said this guy is not worth your time and effort. Just let this go and move on.....
He treats you bad coz you let him dear. And will continue to do. So to continue in this relationship will only make you more vulnerable when a relationship is supposed to make you strong. So let this one go dear and move on .... find someone who appreciates you.
Goodluck!
2006-09-12 13:43:12 · answer #9 · answered by nice_b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
once you've 'a track' at the same time with your bf/gf listening to that once you chop up might want to be heartbreaking, because you finally end up questioning about all thats exceeded off whenever you listen it. roxette's it would want to were love is likewise very unhappy!
2016-11-26 20:26:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋