My Husband is great guy, we broke up over this a few months ago, He gets really angry at very little things I think he has Intermitent explosive disorder, I saw that on a show and it is really badlots of people have it, He won't get help, we have a 4 year old son together and I think this is damaging his views on woman, Now my son yells at me for no reason, because he sees his dad doing it, I have told him he either gets help or we are leaving him, He still refuses, and goes out to our motorhome for days at a time, I am not stupid and I know that I WILL leave again but, really I just wnat our family to stay together. Please no hating and no stupid answers, I really need help! Is their something I can do to make him realize what he is like, he doesn't see it!
2006-09-12 13:03:59 · 22 answers · asked by Flagstaff mama 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just for the record we are not living in a motorhome, We live in a big house on 3 acres, The motorhome is parked on the side when he gets angry, he goes out there to the motorhome.
Also he is alot older than me I am 30 he is 47, The age difference doesent seem to affect the relationship at all.
2006-09-15 10:03:25 · update #1
My dad saw it after the school said something to the family after my little brother told a teacher about his dad.
My father never saw it from a loved one, a co-worker or a friend. It was the threat of social services that made him see a counselor who helped him. He is much better nearly 10 years later, but never "curred".
Don't get upset with yourself if you have not been able to help him, you have done the best with what you know. Seek counseling yourself to find a better way to handle him, and get him curious or mad enough to come to counseling with you. He might just want to come to tell the counselor off, and in turn find something.
Good luck- you know the real guy in him, hopefully he finds it too before he loses you and the child.
2006-09-12 13:12:25 · answer #1 · answered by BuffyFromGP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To look at the big picture, you must first do what is best for your son. Children become what they see and learn to be. It is hard to raise a young to be a respectful, loving man when he never see an example of this on a daily basis. I know that you asked your husband to get help, but have you suggested going to counseling with him. Some men don't like to go alone, as this makes them feel vulnerable. If he is not willing to do this to better your relationship and for the well being of your son, then you should think about separating. But make this your last resort, since you "really" want your marriage to work. Most times these kind of situations only get worse, so keep your eyes open and do not dismiss things, but address them. Good Luck
2006-09-12 13:17:43 · answer #2 · answered by LadyJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave. Go now, do whats best for the boy. You admit that the boy is already adopting the behavior of the father. And that the father won't change. If you feel really bad, tell him one last time that he must seek professional help and if he refuses or fails to go that you're gone. Having you family stay together in the current environment is not good for you or the boy. You're going to have to be strong and stick with your decision and don't let him back in after a few weeks with the "I've changed" routine.
You can't make him change, you can make him realize his loss if he doesn't change. Good luck, be very tough.
2006-09-12 13:17:27 · answer #3 · answered by jack w 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This bothers me, why would a young guy be so angry, what is making him so violent, If you think your husband is such a great guy, your most likely the only one that thinks it, if he's always going off most people probably think he's a time bomb ready to blow,,,In most cases this gets bad before it gets better, your son growing up in that house could go either way, he can be afraid of his father and know that his actions are just crazy, or he could grow up to be just like him and have no respect for you or any other woman, this is your call, you have to decide, do you want to live like this, live in fear, always being afraid that you might do or say the wrong thing, just think your husband could be like this for the next ten years, he might never go for help, what then.
2006-09-12 13:24:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to this you see I have a 1 year old son with the man I love and he had a anger pro for the longest time I look at it as something that came with the package after our son was born I told him he had to get help. He didnt get help and he sweet talked me into beliving it wasnt as big of a deal as i was making it. 7Months after our son was born he hit me infront of our son.. Since then we havent been togather now he addmits he might have needed some help but he says he has a new lease on life and dosent need the help. I wont take him back because my son comes first and i dont ever want him to ever get so upset that he hurts our child.
2006-09-12 13:18:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, Lord sure! My 1st husband bodily and mentally abused my son and me. Then my daughter abused me whilst she grew up. i'm speaking approximately bodily. She gave me a swollen bruised recommendations and positioned me contained in the well-being middle for an entire 7 days and additionally gave me a average stroke. She has a extensive anger problem and gets precise in somebody's face and cuss them out, even the dentist on a similar time as getting her tooth worked on. huge problems. I do relate to what you went via. Sorry!
2016-09-30 21:33:41 · answer #6 · answered by geddings 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not very much you can do except leave if he does not recognize the probelm and get help. Here's one site you might read: http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html
Here's another site with a form which might help: http://www.angermgmt.com/measure.asp
You are, BTW, VERY, VERY right that your son is being damaged by observing your husband's outbursts. Do NOT let him do the same. Make sure there are consequences when the child tries to imitate his father.
2006-09-12 13:13:05 · answer #7 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but you can't make him do anything. You are not responsible for his emotions! You're probably right, and you'll probably end up leaving again. I hope he does eventually realize that he needs some help to deal with this, and that you can be the family you want to be... but you also have to realize that you can't do that for him. This is like alcoholism in a way. He has to admit to himself that he has this problem, and WANT to get help. There's nothing you can do to make him reach that point. He has to do it himself.
2006-09-12 13:06:07 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The longer you stay, the more your son will pick up his (loser) of a father's habits - Leave now and show your son how a man is suppose to treat a woman - otherwise he will grow up to be just like daddy
(no offense intended)
2006-09-12 13:06:24 · answer #9 · answered by ηιgнт ѕтαя 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and calmly explain to him what he is doing and how it tears your heart into pieces and how you want your family to stay together and you dont want your 4 yr old yelling at you and b/c he see's his dad do it he does it and he will also do it to his wife and its got to stop and if it doesnt stop and you can leave even for a few days do it dont let your son do this to his family too stop it now at this generation b4 it goes on to the next! : )
2006-09-12 13:07:46 · answer #10 · answered by Lauren D 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋