I have been with my husband for 14 yrs, i am not in love with him anymore. I feel obligated because i have 4 children, and i am just comfortable that is have someone around. I dont want to be with anyone else but dont feel i want to be with him either, he has a drug problem and we have been through this for a long time he has tried rehab but just keeps going back to the drugs when he gets out. He holds a job and is a nice guy but has cheated on me before too. He hasnt since about 3 yrs ago but i cant forget about the times he has before. Does anyone have any good advice to stay or go and how about to do it. He could really be a great guy and dad if he would just put us first.
What should i do.
2006-09-12 12:38:15 · 18 answers · asked by bradosmom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i was in a similar situation six years ago with the father of my first born, i knew when i was pregnant that i didn't really want to be with him because he was constantaly in and out of prison and he smoked weed but i wanted my baby to have a real family but even if it doesn't seem like it no matter what age your kids are they can sense that your not happy and you may be hurting them withput even knowing so i say leave his *** because you can't take care of your kids until you take care of yourself and belive me when your lest suspect your going to find a good man to love you and your kids like you deserve
2006-09-12 12:45:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hear a lot of women say he would be great if this or that, well of course! Lots of people would be great if there was a few things different about them, the thing is that he can't be great because there are things wrong with him and it doesn't seem like he is going to change.
I would leave him because it seems like the relationship has reached a point of no return. He has hurt you too much and shows no signs of changing drastically. He's probably hurt the children by exposing them to such behavior. I would suggest getting a lawyer and discussing your options. See the lawyer first, don't tell the kids either until the divorce is actually happening. You have to protect your family, it is your duty as a mom and having them around a drug addict cheater (if he still is cheating) is not a healthy environment.
2006-09-12 12:53:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to take care of you and your children first. Although he may be a 'good' guy when not on drugs you have been through to much already for what you've gone through. This is not a healthy relationship. Have you tried family couseling? Have you talked to a lawyer for legal assistance? I would also look into talking to a financial advisor. Because your husband has a history of doing drugs I don't know if you have thought of putting your assets into your own name - in order to protect you and your children in case something were to happen.
Please don't stay with your husband just for your children's sake. Your children are not learning what a healthy marriage is through their parents. Please find help. You and your children would be more at peace without dealing with your husband's drug abuse.
Good luck.
2006-09-12 12:52:40 · answer #3 · answered by drbriscoe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I must admit you have quite a problem. You have 4 kids can you in your kids maintain the household? If you can throw him out until he really rehabs, if not, get legally separated so that he can give you child support. It is up to you if you want a divorce. I will not advise you either way on that. Just think about, get counseling first and then decide. Best of luck my dear.
2006-09-12 13:01:19 · answer #4 · answered by Boricua Born 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't stop taking drugs than you might have to talk to him about it because it gives your children a bad message. I know getting a divorce is hard for you in the position you are in with four children but I know you'll get through it. I wouldn't really consider him much of husband and I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know it's really hard to end a life-long commitment but don't torture yourself.
Remember- It's not healthy Physically & Mentally to stick with someone who takes drugs and cheats. I know it's hard to let go to someone you love or once loved but I also know you're in a bad position.
2006-09-12 12:55:44 · answer #5 · answered by Laz♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if I have much of an advice... No one's perfect, but you have to look at this person as a whole, and decide once and for all if you can accept him as he is - as he isn't likely to change - or will having him in your life continue causing you grief. Are you better off with him or without him? Is putting up with his drug use worth not having to be alone? No one can make this determination but you. I know, we all wish we had a perfect mate, but most of the time we have to work with what we have.
2006-09-12 13:34:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not going to change unless HE wants too... you're best bet is to leave. I know you probably want to stay because of the kids, but with his drug problems it probably not best that they are around that anyway. And besides that - he's cheated on you... why would you put up with that? If you want to move on and be happy; it's time to leave.
Good luck
2006-09-12 12:46:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just keep talking to him and let him know you are serious, that you are going to leave him . That you and the kids need him to put you first and if he don't then you will leave . You deserve more then what he is giving you . . If you have to try to move you and the children out for a while, if you can. untill he can prove to you that you and the kids are more important then anything.Good Luck!!
2006-09-12 12:45:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should do what is best for your self and your children. If you really have thought this through and you have not been happy for a while now, I would think it is a good idea to take some kind of action whether it means counseling or seperation.
2006-09-12 12:46:30 · answer #9 · answered by SUZANNA J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well here is the first question, did this guy do drugs when you met him? I'm going one step ahead I"m going to say YES you know that he did drugs. if you don't love him but on the other hand you don't wan't anyone else, why don't you move out on your own with your four or eight kids, why did you have so many kids, have you ever heard of abortion, condoms, THE PILL
2006-09-12 12:54:51 · answer #10 · answered by zermenoj 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋