I have been married for 12 years. My husband was recently caught in a lie about him looking at porn. ( UNderstand it is not the fact he was looking at porn) It was the fact that he lied about it to me. I mean and is excuse was i know i lied that i looked at it and i knew that when i was looking at it, I knew it was disrespectful to you, i dont know why i did it. I have only done it once. It took him 3 wks to come clean on it and then he tried to say it was not porn and it was just models, then he said yes it was porn.
I just dont know how to trust him again i know it may sound silly to you that reading this, but i am a big trust person, he knows that i tell him everything that i do. Even when it dont matter i just do it as a respect thing to him. I am worried that he has been lying about alot more then he has told me the truth on. I am just worried that there is something going on here that i am missing and worried that he lies about alot to me. it is devasting to me.
2006-09-12 12:33:09 · 7 answers · asked by stephanie_30101 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you can install a porn filter software like NetDog on the computer,that help you to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's surfing on the internet. http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-09-12 18:46:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough spot because if that is the only lie then I would say chill out and stop overreacting. BUT if there are other lies too then I don't know how you can fully believe everything he says anymore. The thing is you gotta wonder, if he has lied before wouldn't you have caught him at least once in the last 12 yrs? It's not like he lied about money or where he was, he lied about something embarassing and offensive to the wife, porn. That is not the easiest thing to just tell your spouse, so because of the fact that it was about porn makes me think it may have been the first time.
2006-09-12 19:41:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand where you're coming from as far as the "lying" is concerned. A good relationship is based on trust and the ability of the couple to be honest with each other. It doesn't matter how benign the lie is. Lying is lying, period. U will have to sit down with him and tell him that any type of lying is unacceptable in your relationship. Let him know that his job is to make u feel as comfortable in your relationship as possible. Any kind of lying will make u uncomfortable and thus you're apt to have trust issues with him.
Now consider, this also works both ways. Not only does he have to learn to tell the truth but u have to allow him the space to feel safe telling the truth because if he knows u will blow up at even the slightest things he does, he is more apt to lie to you about it, even if he's only lying by exclusion...just to keep the peace.
It's going to take a while for u to trust him and that is why honesty is SO important, especially in a marriage. I do hope u both can
get past this and I wish u luck.
2006-09-12 20:00:56 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't think your silly I understand I would feel the same way if my husband did that to me I am really big on trust myself I HATE liars I can't stand them lieing is pointless cause sooner or later you will get caught my husband and I aren't into porno or anything like that it's better to have the real deal and no sense in looking when you have someone to look at and be with I don't understand it if you want to see a naked man or woman you have your spouse I think the only choice you have is to trust him if he lies again you know he will be caught sooner or later just don't blame him till you have the evidence or know for sure till then go ahead and trust him trust is a big thing for me too and my husband my husband can't stand liars either just give him a chance and see what happens
2006-09-12 20:33:32 · answer #4 · answered by blondeqtwitanicebooty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O man i know this has got to suck, my husband looked at porn b4 i met him and maybe a couple of weeks after that but he quit got saved dated me for another 3 yrs and then we got married just pray and God will save him and then he will be delivered from porn like my husband was. : ) Godbless
2006-09-12 19:40:39 · answer #5 · answered by Lauren D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to need to learn to trust him again. If you catch him in another lie, then you can assume he has been lying to you in the past and also about other things as well.
2006-09-12 19:40:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you kind of feel what else is there the he is lying about
it is up too you, don't try to forgive him right away (i mean to force it) let it come natural to you
you will see you will eventually forgive him
2006-09-12 19:41:21 · answer #7 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋