we live in the same house after 18 yrs, have two fantstic children, but she wants her freedom, I don't excite her. but it tears me apart not to be with her, i'm falling in love with a woman I don't stand a chance with, what can i do, apart from stop being a wimp.
2006-09-12 12:16:49 · 19 answers · asked by saxons_uk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What does she mean by "her freedom?" A divorce? If you love those fantastic kids, you will not put them in a group where they are at increased risk of abuse, promiscuity, smoking or other high-risk behaviors. Divorce is bad for kids, I don't care how "resilient" they appear--kids need two stable parents who can live above this week's emotional climate. "In Love" comes and goes--surely you are old enough to know this? It is a lousy foundation to build a family on. LOVE, by contrast, does what is best regardless of temporary emotions. Be faithful to your wife and kids and don't pursue a destructive road. You can try exciting her--lots of books on that. Being unselfish is pretty exciting, generally. I hope that your wife has the maturity to be faithful to her family regardless of how "exciting" it is.
2006-09-13 16:09:46 · answer #1 · answered by marshwiggle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok lets be realistic here. if you do not excite your wife what makes you think you can excite this new woman... and how are you falling in love with a new woman and claim you are torn about not being with wife. you cannot have it both ways.. do something to spark up the marriage of 18 yrs. that is the one you have kids with. you are going to have to kick it up a notch anyway to get this new one. have a talk with wife..maybe there is nothing you can do. maybe it is just an excuse. but find out first if you have a chance. with wife. if you are a wimp you were probably always one..you did not just wake up and become one..so she fell in love with you... as a wimp and now what she fell out? that does not make sense either,. you two.. need to get some excitement... back into your lives..get away from the same old things. when did your wife begin realizing this? has she been warning you and you have not been listening that things were going bad? or did she just hit you with it? all of this helps determine should you stay and fight for your wife..or start a new...life. sometimes.. we want the fireworks... the hot passion again.. the mystery. that is not necessarily a sign of love. but we do need to get out of a rut. either way... maintain your dignity.. no affair..no begging. do the right thing
2006-09-12 19:34:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
COMMUNICATION IS A MUST! Always remember, friendship is the foundation for all and any types of relationships. Your wife and you have to "find" each other again and discover what brought you two together in the first place.
Definately, don't cheat on her. IF you honestly feel it's over, then talk to her, separate and ultimately divorce but at the same time, don't go into another relationship that you know has no future.
Think things thoroughly.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-12 19:23:18 · answer #3 · answered by Rae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself why you are boring. maybe you are emotionally withdrawn. it sounds like there is a missing connection between the two of you. Or maybe the fact that you are worshipping her is only fueling her idea that she is better than you. Or maybe she has some trauma or something in her life that you can't identify with... there are many possibilities.
Don't think a driving a convertable and playing rock music will make you less boring, unless your wife is really shallow.
Oh yeah, almost forgot... .women often don't tell the truth. So there is the possibility that it could be something else entirely.
2006-09-12 19:20:35 · answer #4 · answered by s_e_e 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you guys considered couples therapy? Tell her you're willing to try different things in order to make this work, but she's gotta be willing to make the effort as well.
But if she insists on leaving, there's really nothing you can do. I know it's really sad and it'll be a difficult transition for you. But you know what? If she does leave, that frees you to find someone who not only loves you, but is in love with you. Don't you deserve that? I know it's cliche, but the truth is that time really is a great healer, and little by little, as you grow to accept the fact that she's gone, you'll keep yourself busy and eventually you'll meet someone who thinks you're the best thing that's ever happened to her and will appreciate you more than you can ever imagine.
2006-09-12 19:25:32 · answer #5 · answered by Purple 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for some marriage counseling. If she is still discussing her feelings with you, then it may not be too late. It is not a coincidence that you are drawn to an unattainable woman. I think you are both craving a connection, but have lost touch with each other. Some professional marriage/couples counseling might help you find your way back to each other. Look in your local phone directory.
2006-09-12 19:43:34 · answer #6 · answered by burpolicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a marriage counselor before it is too late. I also ask you two to write down on a separate sheet of paper what you like, and she does the same thing, then you both sit down without anyone disturbing you two and discuss the issues that you both have written down. I wish both of you the best.
2006-09-12 19:22:33 · answer #7 · answered by homermisc2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me guess, she got married to you after she went around for years screwing bikers, drug dealers and thugs. Then she popped out a few kids and now she wants to go back to bum-screwing. This is just how women are, they are attracted to those losers. So unless you are going to start selling coke and ecstacy and get some tattoo's and a harley you will basically be SOL. You may also want to get the e-book Double Your Dating from David DeAngelo and use some of those techniques to get her attracted again by acting Cocky/Funny.
2006-09-12 19:22:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like you love her but aren't in love with her-becaues your boring. it's not her fault you need work on yourself. You don't excite you anymore. Look at you for a while without any women that make you feel strong.
2006-09-12 19:20:27 · answer #9 · answered by earthmothermoon 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ouch sounds badd!
your wife isnt in love with you,but your falling in love with someone else sounds like if you are falling in love with someone else then you could stand to be away from you wife.
I dont know I think you should do whatever makes you happy.
and if you dont stand a chance with this other women dont fall in love with her it will save you alott of heartache. : )
2006-09-12 19:23:46 · answer #10 · answered by Lauren D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋