My son is 13 years old. He is a skater. His hair is long, red, really thick and curly. Most of the time his hair is super frizzy and looks like BOZO. When he puts product in his hair it looks decent. It controls the frizz and the poofiness, but he hates to put anything in his hair. He says he likes how it looks all crazy. He looks so UNKEMPT! Should I just let him express himself in this way or demand that he groom himself?
2006-09-12 12:15:42 · 29 answers · asked by Victoria C 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
absobloominlutely not! so many parents pick the wrong battles - as if hair length is a reflection of character! if you let him express himself with his hair and dress(within reason), you will be scoring big points in the trust dept. then when you do put your foot down on something, you will have some "street cred" with him. i was a minister's son, and a skater, so u can imagine some of the flak i endured. my parents didn't get too worked up about hair length and such, so i knew when they said nay or yeah, that it wasn't arbitrary. i didn't get into drugs or party or get arrested, so i guess they were onto something.
remember, to you its unkempt - to him it's cutting edge fashion -at least in skater circles:) let him be himself in harmless ways, and he won't feel the need to express himself in destructive behavior. you should be proud that he knows what he likes and isn't afraid to be himself in front of others. the alternative is far more harmful. its also alright to require that he do a little grooming when he has to appear with your friends:) a good bargain to make - then he learns to appreciate your situation. its part of being recognized as an adult - the ability to tone yourself down for someone else - i.e..my wife says i can pierce anything except my nose - its a pet thng with her, but she lets me do all kinds of crazy stuff, so who am i to complain if she asks me not to pierce one body part? LOL she's pretty cool in my book - and she's a schoolteacher! incidentally, she loves her skater-punk-gothic-deathmetal students, and has no trouble relating to them...she admires their willingness to swim upstream. and they love her back - even when she punishes them, because they know she loves them. trust me - let him be himself (which doesn't mean let him have his way all the time, just to let him express who he is in his clothing and such) and he'll love you for it. he'll also trust you.
2006-09-12 12:46:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay forst i would like to say that long big and poofy is in right now for the moment specialy for the skater guys and i think that u should just let him express him self how he wants im 13 and most of the skater guys hace long hair but they r getting it cut a little @ a time so see if he will get an inch or half an inch cut off every few months or something
2006-09-12 15:23:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 13 i think you should let him make his own hair decisions. There is a lot worse out there like at least he's not doing drugs.
Plus, this will make him feel like you are giving him choices even though you do not agree with it. Plus in 5 years he might come home with a mo-hawk to get back at you lol.
If you can't find some way to deal with his choice in hair style then compromise with him.
I have decided since you are mature enough to decide on what kind of hair style you want, I'm willing to allow you to have it as long as you do something with it and put hair gel in it when you are going out in public, but when you are at home you can wear it however you feel comfrontable.
Then maybe he will decide it is to much trouble and chop it off without you forcing him to.
He's just going through a stage. Middle School Right Maybe Freshman in High School?
2006-09-12 12:31:49 · answer #3 · answered by mellow_26241 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i suggest that you let him express himself or he will express himself in another way. The skater boys all have hair. Just be glad its not a mo hawk. The boy next door to me has a purple one. But he is just as nice as a boy who has short hair. Yes the community thinks differently about kids that do and ware weird things these days. But most the time they are the kids who are honest and do not hide drug use from parents. Just make a deal with him. Tell him he can have long hair if on, sun-wed he puts product in it, or something. good luck.
2006-09-12 12:22:26 · answer #4 · answered by sr22racing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pick and choose your battles. This is not one to be concerned about. Let him have this one, you'll need to save your energy for much more important things in the future.
I know it's a crazy scenerio, but if yall have to goto a funeral, he SHOULD be made to keep the hair in check with product. That's really the only thing I can think of that it should make a difference.
2006-09-12 12:45:09 · answer #5 · answered by Manny 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The more you protest, the wilder the hair gets. Mom, let it go. Your son is not you. His hair looking crazy doesnt make you look like a bad mom. All you can do is suggest. The more you protest, the more he will rebel.
PS If you make him cut his hair, he may never forgive you.
2006-09-12 12:45:57 · answer #6 · answered by pbintoau 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just let him express himself. Eventually he will grow out of it on his own and then you can show him the pictures and tell him how ridiculous he looked at that age. I let my kids have control over their hair because honestly kids don't have a lot of control over what goes on with a whole lot in their life so I at least give them that. Then later after they are out of the house I can look at the old pictures and laugh and hopefully they will laugh with me!
2006-09-12 12:19:48 · answer #7 · answered by stall_out 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His friends or some girl will tell him if they don't think he looks good and that's probably more important to him that what his mom thinks. It seems to me that there are way bigger things to worry about with kids than the way his hair looks.
Plus - like others have said - you can have pictures to show off when he gets older.
2006-09-12 12:25:24 · answer #8 · answered by as_myself 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard, but I think you should just let him have his hair the way he wants it. Just compromise with him, he can have it poofy, but if he's going to church or to a family Dinner or something you want him to put the styling products in it.
2006-09-12 12:18:42 · answer #9 · answered by nimo22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only problem with a young boy having long hair is could he be mistook for a girl. Maybe thats the unspoken real reason why he doesn't want to style his hair and groom it. As long as his hair is messy no one will think he's a girl. But young adolescent boys often have faces similar to girls and with long hair, well groomed its possible. Maybe he's afraid someone will refer to him as a she or stare when he goes into the men's bathroom in a public place. Worse, maybe guys will look at him as a girl.
2006-09-12 13:10:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋