Can someone please help me with this??

Question

I need some advice real bad...I have a secret that I have been keeping from my family for a long time now (although I'm only 18)...I am a lesbian. I don't know how to go about telling my mother without hurting her and going against her beliefs (she's christian). I am so confused...I don't know what to feel anymore, whether I should just forget about how I feel and not tell her anything so she won't be hurt by my secret, or if I should tell her and risk our close relationship (she's like my best friend!). I am so depressed and I just don't know what to do...I need help really bad :(

Answer 1

You telling her now depends on how deeply rooted a Christian she is. My mother wouldn't let my girlfriend come over anymore because of certain things in the Bible about generational sin. I came out to my mother before she became deeply involved with the church, though, and our relationship has been effected by it the more she learns and grows with the church and her relationship with God. I wouldn't tell her if she is a Bible thumper and you have to live with her, but if you must tell her when she is this way she really won't love you any less. She'll probably just ask if you need therapy or in the worst case make you go. Good luck and don't feel alone because we all have to come out sooner or later.

Answer 2

You didn't realize it but, your answering your own question. You want this OFF your back. You wanna be FREE to be who you are. It's ripping you apart keeping these feelings inside and your Body is telling you in every way it knows how to Set yourself Free. I believe the mother you described here will LOVE you just the same. Yes there will be that odd moment or two at first. But seriously how often does your Sex life come up in conversations with your mother now? I wouldn't expect this to change so I wouldn't expect your sexuality to be a daily topic of discussion. STOP Hurting and Let yourself Go Free. You'll Feel ALOT better and Your mother will Still Love you and Still be your mother. Good Luck and I hope this time next week your feeling ALOT better Inside.

Answer 3

I am sorry you have depression and worrying about hurting your family weighs heavy on your heart. Perhaps you can look at it in a different way,

Why tell anyone anything...? I mean I am a heterosexual, I did not nor do I plan on announcing it to anyone except telling you here for the sake of example. What people do in their bedrooms, in the kitchen or on the roof is no ones business. If someone asks you "when will you find a nice young man" just say "probably never.... not looking"

If telling them is as vital for you as breathing...then blurt it out one day and hope they understand. Expect some mixed reactions even some denial... but you are what you are.. do not dwell on it. Live life as a good person, do for others, treat people the way you want to be treated and live happy !! : )

Answer 4

I will be so happy when the world becomes a place where everyone is accepted for who they are. What God has made let no man put asunder. You are pretty young, I would hate for you to be hurt. You may want to consider waiting until you are older, maybe five to ten years from now. In the meantime live your life as you please. Usually families already know or suspect. Parents don't want their children to be gay because they know they will have to deal with the people that are still around that aren't mentally astute. Parents do not want their children to be hurt or have a hard time. You could try talking to your mom about gay people in general and see how she feels if you don't already know. Good luck and be happy no matter what.

Answer 5

First of all I'm sure she thought you keeping secrets isn't very nice.. Your lifestyle is not something that should be kept a secret forever.... So your questions should be.... Should I tell her now or wait until later?? If you live on your own or have somewhere else to live, Tell her... If you live under her roof and need her financially I would wait... You never will know how she will react...."at first" Remember the initial shock or reaction a parent gives is never the final result... Even if it takes years your mother and you will be just fine... So make sure your strong and know the consequences.... Your life style should never hurt your mom, its who you are. You came from your moms egg.... You need to be proud of who you are god created you too....... "If you want to truly share a relationship with your mother than you need to be true about who you are"

Answer 6

This is a great question. Let me answer it with a few questions.
Why do you have to tell her anything? Would you make a point of coming out and telling her you were straight? Just lead your life the way you want to and when she asks, and she will, then tell her the truth. What she does with that and how she reacts is not in your control. All you can be is yourself. You are not defective just because you are gay, and yes, God still loves you, and yes you can still go to heaven. If God didn't want there to be lesbians, why did he make cunnlinguis so much fun?

Answer 7

Coming from experience; i believe that u should definately tell ur mother. If she is ur best friend as mine is then she will not feel any different toward u. It make take a few days or weeks or even months for her to fully understand but give her the space she will need and i can guarantee that no matter what religion she will still be ur best friend in the end!

Answer 8

If you are 18 and lesbian, your mum probably already knew you are a lesbian, so it might not be that much of a secret to her anyway. If an 18 year old daughter never brings any boy home, but hang-out with girls, any normal parent will figure that out by themselves. And what makes you think you have to tell your mum about your sexuality? would you have told her if you were heterosexual?

Answer 9

You could say something like this: Mom I need to talk with you and I need you to not be judgmental of me. I know this is something you may not understand, and I do not even understand how this happened to me. I know it was a choice I made, but I do not remember why or when I made it. I have had these feelings for as long as I think I have known. I love God Almighty, and i have prayed about how and what I should do about telling you. I want to tell you. mom, I have homosexual issues. I am not attracted to males. I never have been, and I do wish I could have talked to you about this long ago, and I do not even know what will become of me. They are strong emotions right now. I am not dating anyone, but I have had a few experiences with some close friends. I am confused, and i needed you to know, because I do not want to face this alone anymore. I know you may not support my decision that i have made, innocently or not and I know it was not the original plan of God Almighty, but Because I love Jesus Christ and I have prayed about this so often, it is the plan for me at this time and I can not explain it. If it be the will of Jesus Christ and mine in the future for me to change this choice i have made, then it will happen. please understand mom, and love me now that you know, keep praying for me that I make the choices from now on that are the will of Jesus Christ because that mom is the will I want for me, to do the will of God Almighty and do his plan for me.

If you had an undiagnosed gender nonconformity, that is if you wanted to be the opposite gender you was born, you could say that you know she did not know about the issue of gender nonconformity and you did not either, that you thought it meant you was born gay and so you thought you made a natural choice.

Answer 10

You said "she's like my best friend". If that is so, she will be able to handle the news. She may grieve for a while and struggle to understand, which will be hard as a straight can not really understand. She will however continue to be your best friend and your loving mother. Try to catch some Ellen shows when her mother is in the audience, which is often.Watch them with your mom. You must be who you are or you will not be happy and that would hurt your mother.