My Husband won't do anything except go to work (won't even take the initiative to go out) and this wasn't the plan when we got married. He loves to talk about what he's going to do. But, I'm in grad school full time, work full time, and do most of the housework. I end up nagging (and, I hate it). I'm losing respect for him. He rarely screws me. I'm resentful and am not sure if I'll forgive him later for all of this. This has been going on for two years. How long can the marriage go on like this? Is this a normal problem?
2006-09-12 11:55:14 · 29 answers · asked by LaMorena 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know how normal it is, but it happens.
I have a friend who has been married for 14 years with two children. She is working on her masters degree and trying to better herself. Her husband is showing his appreciation by being unemployed and having an affair with a girl almost half his age.
She is considering getting a divorce.
2006-09-12 12:00:05 · answer #1 · answered by tina m 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're going to end up resenting him more and more as time goes by. He's been doing (or not doing) it for the last two years, and despite your nagging, you continue to put up with it. He's got you working, and doing all the housework. Probably seems like a great deal to someone who's too lazy to care. Tell him to he'd better get his a$$ in gear, if he cares anything about his marriage. Set some time limits for what you expect from him. If he still won't do anything, dump him. Why should a hard working, intelligent woman, put up with a lazy, disinterested man?
2006-09-12 12:03:53 · answer #2 · answered by IAINTELLEN 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a very normal problem that the guy does not want to do housework. Lots of guys see that as 'women's work'. And it's a normal problem for a guy to be a homebody and not what to go out much. So you have a quite normal guy.
How long can a marriage like this last.....years. As long as both of you put up with the way things are. Though it won't be a marriage, just two folks living together.
2006-09-12 11:59:16 · answer #3 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if there are a few issues here. Perhaps he is a bit resentful with you being in Grad school. Have you asked him that question?
It is hard to work through a marriage when the other person lacks motivation or ambition. It may seem like you are spinning your wheels and going nowhere. Sit down and have a talk with him.
2006-09-12 12:30:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's a normal problem. No, it's not right. No, it's not fair. Were I in your shoes, it would come to a screeching, mind-boggling halt in a New York minute. Here's the problem. We teach people how to treat us and he's been taught (learned) he doesn't have to do a dad gum thing. That means that when you put your foot down (an act that is WAY overdue) it's going to be a bit of a shock (Did you notice the understatement there?) So, put your foot down, lower the boom, give him the bad news, and stick up for yourself. You don't need to be a doormat, you don't have to be abused, and be played for a sucker (which you are now doing). So screw up your courage and tell him things have to change. It might help to list what he's to do around the house and how often. AND, most importantly, stick to the deal. If he doesn't agree to a fair division of labor, tell him to be absolutely certain the door doesn't hit him in the butt on his way out.
2006-09-12 12:09:29 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Morenita,
Um. um, um........with a language like this I would not want to do anything with you either if I was a man. Slow down Babe, take it easy, you get more with honey than vinegar. Talk to your man and tell him what you want and need. You know that most men after marriage get lazy, they got you already. You are a feisty one, you sound to be a fine woman, you are going to school, doing all the housework and so on. Just set your husband straight. I know that you will not hold anything back. But do it in a way that he will understand that you are tired of his lack of responsibility and lack of attention to you. Tell him put out or get out. He will understand what you mean....I am sure..............Good luck.
2006-09-12 12:05:50 · answer #6 · answered by Boricua Born 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, grad school, work, house work, when do you sleep? Seriously, it sounds like your extremely ambitious, and need to understand that not everyone desires that kind of high-stress lifestyle. Also you need to understand that people don’t always stay the same. My husband is not the same man I married (and for the most part - that’s a good thing).
Still, the equal share of housework, and lack of physical intimacy is something that does need to be addressed.
good luck
2006-09-12 12:09:54 · answer #7 · answered by daisyk 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is. I would probably have a lack of ambition too if my wife was unhappy all the time. This is your problem not his. Why are you so unhappy. Take this for size. You don't do anything but go to work and you are losing respect for yourself. You rarely make love to yourself and your not sure if you can forgive yourself for letting this happen. Ponder on that.
2006-09-12 11:58:47 · answer #8 · answered by earthmothermoon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk with him about how you feel, be sure to let him know you're not blaming him for everything just trying to understand what's going on. Some guys think because they work they don't have to do anything else, even though you work too. Setup some boundaries together. Agree on who will do what, but work it out together.
This is normal and doesn't change or get better until its communicated.
2006-09-12 12:02:54 · answer #9 · answered by Julie W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should absolutely talk to your husband about this, but don't sugar coat anything for him. Lay it all out on the table. If you don't, your resentment will just keep building up until you won't be able to salvage your marriage. At least right now you've got a chance. Good luck. :)
2006-09-12 11:58:31 · answer #10 · answered by GlassFaerie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋