Is it bad for a man to ask his wife for a divorce after nearly 30 years of marriage when all they do is exist together? My friend has no sexual relations with his wife anymore. They eat out because she's to lazy to cook. If they eat in it's only because he cooked! She won't clean the house. He does it. He works a full time a job. He cares for the yard. He has no life. They don't fight but they're indifferent to each other mostly. They don't share anything. They don't go anywhere together just to be together. The marriage is loveless. He say's he isn't happy but he feels bad to ask for a divorce because he also isn't mad at her. He just isn't happy. He loves her but he's not in love with her. I suggested counsiling but he say's no. He say's the love isn't recoverable. I don't get it! So, what do you think?
2006-09-12 11:22:58 · 16 answers · asked by Night Wind 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People get complacent in their lives and relationships with time. Its sounds like your friend has become way too comfortable with his wife. He has learned to tolerate his married life. Now if he was truly unhappy with status quo, he would leave or find something exciting. He chooses this type of life and as long as it isnt really causing problems between them, then its nobodies business but theirs. Marriage counseling isnt really needed here as there is no definite problem to work on. Love works in different ways, so what you have is different from your friends. Basically, theyre in neutral gear in their relationship but thats not all bad considering what could be happening if they werent truly happy. Just continue to be a good friend and stay out of where Angels fear to tread.
2006-09-12 11:34:22 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not all passion and good times young lady. especially for older couples. they just exist. this is true .And I suppose that she doesn't need to work , or else she would .The rules where different back when they got married. if they still love each other . like he says then why are you messin with a 30 year marriage. people have friends to go do things with , marriage doesn't mean you have to do everything together. And marriages age just like people. This is a good lesson for all you young people , with no examples left in your life about life long marriages. everyone is so quick to divorce. no one really knows what its like for older couples.
2006-09-12 11:41:25 · answer #2 · answered by joy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is not uncommon for long term marriages - most were married when divorced was not acceptable. The fact that he is unhappy is not a real good reason for divorce - Being in a loveless marriage I think is a good reason. But good luck changing his mind - he is old school in marriage. Maybe we should all take a page from this book.
2006-09-12 11:27:25 · answer #3 · answered by middle aged and love it 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2015-01-28 12:29:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now he's "comfortable" being where he is. You said he still loves her, as a person but just not as his wife. The question is , is he strong enough to stay in a loveless marriage? how long is he willing to do the things that she won't do?Maybe being in this situation to him is better than the alternative of being alone if he left, but the choice to leave is his, if and when he decides.There's a part in a wedding ceremony that says ,"for better or worse", Maybe he's one of the few men left that took those vows seriously!
2006-09-12 11:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by noditz57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, why did he tell you all this? Are you trying to get him to get a divorce and if so why? You don't say if you are male or female. Do you want him? I think you should stay out of it. Chances are she has a story to tell too. They just might be happier than you think. Things could be worse. Again, stay out of it.
2006-09-12 11:30:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I beleive in destiny but I still think you have to fight to save your marriage. Especially if you have children.
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2014-09-25 21:38:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes..... leave her why stay if you are unhappy 30 years is a long time but why suffer b/c its 30 years .... If he wants to leave he needs to leave he already knows what he wants he needs to tell her thats it over so he can move on with his life and find a real woman
2006-09-12 11:38:37 · answer #8 · answered by Tee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He needs to seriously talk him her and yes get a divorce or at least counseling.
2006-09-12 11:32:01 · answer #9 · answered by david r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she work? Is she sick? Has she seen a doctor? It disturbs me that he's not willing to go to counseling, unless he has already been. Something else must be up. Have you heard her side of the story?
2006-09-12 11:28:42 · answer #10 · answered by watergirl54 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋