On Labor Day. We had the visitation and burial this past weekend. What is the best thing I can do for my husband now? He seems OK and has come to terms with it because she suffered for a long time - since April on - so he knew she wasn't going to make it. He doesn't really want to talk about it, seems like he is fine - but besides listening, what can I do to really support him? Just give him his space?
2006-09-12 09:27:41 · 19 answers · asked by Rachel 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
P.S. My mother in law was a fantastic woman - I love her. I will always remember her always and miss her greatly. So I want to do everything I can to make sure my husband is AOK because he is just as wonderful!!
2006-09-12 09:33:50 · update #1
We lost my father in law a few years ago and my husbands mother is fighting a tumor in her spine as I type this. I found the best thing to do is just to assure him that you are here to help him. Let him know its okay to grieve for her and that you are grieving to. Don't force him to talk ,but let him know whenever he is feeling upset you would like to try to help him cope,because it would be helpful to you as well. Men always seem to have much different ways of dealing with loss than women,we have to respect that and try our best to not put a time limit on it,everyone has there own time line when dealing with the death of a parent.
2006-09-12 09:38:43 · answer #1 · answered by moontreefairy76 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give him his space if that is what he needs. But do be sure that is what he needs. Encourage him to talk about his feelings and his loss. Ask him what he needs from you right now; ask him what you can do to help him through this. He may need to talk at times and to have space at others. It would also be a good thing just to do a few special things for him to show him that you care. Perhaps something as simple as cooking his favorite meal or getting him a special gift right now even if it isn't Christmas. Be patient. Losing a parent is one of the hardest, yet inevitable, experiences any of us will ever experience. It may take awhile for him to get back up to speed, so to speak.
If he is open to talking about it, you might even consider a few counseling sessions together to help you both get over this loss. Good luck and take care.
2006-09-12 09:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys sound like your in a happy relationship, at first just give him some space and pay attention to certain things that would grab your attention that he is doing differently and then discuss this, but to say how are you doing every 10 minutes because he is distant won't help. He is remembering alot and he will seem distant for awhile and if you aren't hovering he is definately going to come to you when he needs to
Take care
2006-09-12 09:37:11 · answer #3 · answered by momma whitley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss...I would say keep an eye on him. Some people seem "fine" but have points where they break down. Just let him know that you're there for him, without being clingy or smothering. A little space is good, but you don't to come off too distant or unconcerned either. Wishing you the best!
2006-09-12 09:32:00 · answer #4 · answered by Moxie Crimefighter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be there for him and let him go through the grieveing process. There really isnt anything you can do. Death is a part of life, you sound like a good wife so just keep doing what you are and things will be better in time. Im sorry for your families loss.
2006-09-12 10:08:09 · answer #5 · answered by angeleyez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Space would be the best thing because when my husband's grandma passed away he didn't talk a whole too he didn't want to talk about his grandma he was just really quiet so I gave him his space and let him have time to grieve and think after he had his space he started talking again and he wanted to talk about his grandma
2006-09-12 09:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by blondeqtwitanicebooty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing enough by showing concern and being a good soundboard; sometimes being quiet is the best thing a person can do. Words will help only as time passes, but right now keep doing what you are doing and hope he comes through. I can only imagine the pain...
2006-09-12 09:43:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just listen to him and be there for him and give him space. he might need the space to cool off. it is going to be hard since you are not used to him being spaced out but it will work to clear his head for a few days and then he will be back to his past routine which includes you..
2006-09-12 09:35:30 · answer #8 · answered by mary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so sorry to hear this!
Really, you know what to do, hon. You've said it all right.
It is your heart that hurts for your hubbys sake, and of course you feel helpless at a time like this.
Maybe cook him some fav comfort foods will help you both.
And remember the good times with your mother in law, the happy times, and know that she is in a much better place than we all are.
Take care,
:-)
2006-09-12 09:31:41 · answer #9 · answered by wutta-croc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think listening is best but make sure that he knows you are there for him if he decided he wants to talk about it. You sound like a great wife and I'm sure he already knows this but sometimes it's best to verbally confirm it. Let him know that she was very special to you as well, that will surely make him happy
2006-09-12 09:38:45 · answer #10 · answered by momie_2bee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋