The situation: we have been married for two years. He cheated on me the entire time we were engaged (one + year) and cheated 3 months after we got married, same girl. Then he called her and said he wanted nothing to do with her, hated her etc. Hasn't talked/seen her since. Two years pass, he confesses to cheating on me (first time I have any inkling of it), and says he wants a divorce. At this point I tell him I want to work things out. We separate. I tell him that I want to work things out and he wants time, but wants to work things out. After two months separation we decide we want to work on things. But only after he confesses to cheating on me during the two months we were separated. He has said he's sorry, he'll change, etc. Just found out that I am pregnant, yes, with his baby, happened before the separation.
And for those of you who think that it must have been my fault b/c I'm ugly, fat, etc. I'm NOT.
2006-09-12 08:43:08 · 17 answers · asked by Please use other door 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hell no it is not your fault. you should leave him becasue nobody deserves to be cheated on. it is not your fault sweetie.
2006-09-12 08:44:57 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to go to counseling.
You're having a baby soon.
You both want to stay married, but there's a lot of damage. He's got to figure out why he thinks it's okay to do this to you.
You've got to figure out how to make it so that he understands that you won't accept this behavior ever again. He has to know that there will be consequences. You're going to have some major trust issues. It's hard enough just to be married, and you two have a boat load of stress factors thrown in.
A counselor can help you work through this. Teach you how to communicate without arguing, and get past some of the stuff you need to get rid of.
I feel for you.
Hope it works out, good luck
2006-09-12 08:50:53 · answer #2 · answered by niffer's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No person deserves this kind of treatment. You need to find a man that appreciates you. You can find a man that will worship you. Why stick with this guy? You can find someone that will respect you. He doesn't sound genuinely sorry for what he has done. Do you really think he won't cheat again? What about this child? Do you want this baby to grow up in a house of fighting and cheating. Do what's best for you and your baby. Leave him. Move on.
2006-09-12 08:47:40 · answer #3 · answered by kristina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would NOT stay. Based on his history of cheating, I believe he will never change. The reason I wouldn't stay is I could probably never learn to trust him again and if I can't do that, there will never be peace of mind for me as I will always suspect him every single time. Besides, my dignity is important and I would not want to be played a fool each time he feels like cheating. But that's just me. What u do with your marriage is all up to u
2006-09-12 08:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater. Move on. Find someone who values you.
Actually he may change and stop cheating, but will you know for sure that he has? Will you ever be able to trust him fully? Probably not. And that is not the kind of environment to raise a child in.
2006-09-12 08:47:16 · answer #5 · answered by trovanhawk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First,never will be your fault.A cheater (man or woman),is a cheater.When the cheater cheat one time,for sure will cheat again and again.Why? Because the cheater has addiction to cheat;and cheating became a habit.If I am you,yes I will get divorce,because the cheater never will change (this is a true statement).But it is all up to you.Good luck.Good question.
2006-09-12 08:58:04 · answer #6 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Sorry but you need to move on. He's telling you he wants to work it out so you'll wait while he keeps playing his games. You're better off by yourself. As far as the baby do you want him/her living in that kind of mess. You will be just fine but make sure he pays you child support.
2006-09-12 08:47:55 · answer #7 · answered by kathy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm married to a cheater myself & if you want to feel like you are going crazy all the time stay with him & continue with him cause he will not change unless he finds Jesus in his life . If he ain't going in that direction you need to go in another one. That comment about not being fat ,etc. That is not even an option either cause loves goes much deeper if it is real.
2006-09-12 08:48:04 · answer #8 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't look like he's going to change, hun.
Nevertheless, you married him "for better or for worse", so it looks like you'll have to learn to live with it.
Of course, I'd still recommend that you and he try to overcome this problem by figuring out why he's cheating and correcting that root problem, but if he still doesn't stop.....sorry, but you're stuck with a lousy husband.
2006-09-12 08:46:26 · answer #9 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why in the world did you marry him ?he showed you he didnt care when he cheated before marriage.You need to move on unless you like being cheated on.
2006-09-12 10:10:48 · answer #10 · answered by nanny2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you have any indication at all that he is going to change, and STOP cheating on you???
do you have any ideas of what kinds of diseases he is exposing you with his constant cheating?
Is it fair for you to have a baby in an unstable home environment?
2006-09-12 08:46:12 · answer #11 · answered by helpful mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋