My parents have been having problem on and off for awhile but nothing to bad and know my mom is really depressed and i keep trying to cheer her up and nothing seems to work its only been a few days been it feel like years that shes upset and i know its because of me and my brother. my mom gets mad at me easy for small things so i get mad and a tend to be snappy and my brother is just a plain jerk and he is only 9 i try telling him to stop being so mean but then again im being snappy and my mom blames the way he treats her my fault which it is, i love my mom to pieces and hate seeing her so upset but i cant think of anything to do i hate arguing with her and even when we are in a good mood we still end up getting into a fight now she wont even talk to me and i hate it cause i feel like shes not even here anymore someone please help im lost and cunfused and feel stuck!!!!
2006-09-12 08:20:59 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me rephrase myself.me and my family are really realy close and we are very tight but have dumb arguments alot and we talk about everything my mom is not bipolor and is not depressed where she is taking medicine shes just sad and she doesnt have her head up her @ss like some of you said she is always the 1st one to suffer for someone eles happiness shes just upset and i feel like it my fault she is because thats what the arguments are about me being snappy but its always the same thing even when i stop being snappy shes so used to fighting about mistakes that we tend to get mad at eachother alot she is my world and everything she is not concited or anyother bad thing just short temperd sometimes but i get it from her lol
2006-09-12 08:43:17 · update #1
see if you can live with your dad when they divorce.
Your mom is blaming you for her own shortcommings in life. She sees herself in you, and sees that you have opportunites that she threw away- and she is JELOUS! I know it sounds wierd, but my mom was the same way. Don't expect to ever have a close relationship with her, she's not capable of pulling her head out of her own @$$.
2006-09-12 08:27:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is well known that children think it is their fault if their parents are thinking of a divorce.
It is rarely, if ever, even partly the children's fault.
The problem is between the adults.
Often their problems make them unfair to their children, bad tempered, unjust, blaming etc.. In such a state of tension and injustice the children often react badly, but this is NOT their fault, nor is it a cause of parents splitting up.
The best you can do, is be patient, bite your tongue (don't answer back), try to be helpful, doing little things round the house - like tidying up or emptying bins - or asking if there is anything you can do to help. If you get a negative answer, try to find something else to do without being offended.
If you pray, pray to God that whatever the outcome, it will be the best outcome, and " Please guide me what to do and what not to do."
Hope it all gets sorted out.
2006-09-14 23:42:12 · answer #2 · answered by mutaali t 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is it's not your fault. Something is going on between your parents that has nothing to do with you. It's not about you or your brother. Your mom is having a hard time managing daily stresses (like her kids) because she's out of balance, as a result of the depression. Please talk to your mom, as she wants to make sure you are okay, and probably has no idea how hard this is on you. Depression is a serious serious problem. Talk to both of your parents about what worries you. It's never your fault. It's not your marriage, no one can blame you. And you're a nice girl, trying to cheer up your mom.
2006-09-12 08:34:29 · answer #3 · answered by steelypen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not your fault honey. Your mom is just very upset right now but, I'm sure things will change when all of this blows over. Pay no mind to advice from bitter people who have deep problems of their own. They are just projecting their problems onto you. I'm sure your mother loves you and is a good person. Talk to your Dad about this. Tell him maybe you should all get family counseling. Things will get better some day. Just remember, it's not your fault or your brothers.
2006-09-13 20:03:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
remember, a divorce between two adults, is not going to be ALL your fault... trust me, that relationship was going badly from before, not just because they created you. think about it; if ur mother is depressed, irritated, unhappy... how does that make your father feel? she is not depressed BECAUSE of you, but she is allowing things to irritate her and make things worse because of her Depression. so u may try to help cheer her up, but u don't know how to "fix" her? she needs to seek help in order to help the family as a WHOLE. i suggest that your parents seek some type of counseling to figure out where the depression first started... and if u can see, she is affecting you, your brother, and your father (which is the divorce part). =T
i don't know who's fault is who's fault, but that is not the point in a Family. fault is not important; getting HELP and fixing things is the point. you can try your hardest, and it still may not work out. but at least when u try, u do your best, and u can accept whatever happens. until then, wallowing in negativity is not going to help her, you, or anyone else. if u can, maybe u can try to work things out w/ ur brother to NOT get in trouble, and NOT irritate ur parents, that's a step. but even then, there are underlying problems that THEY need to fix. perhaps if u talk w/ them, and explain that it is affecting you guys, and u FEEL that it is your fault, they will realize that their actions are not Positive and Healthy for the family.
i wish yoU MUCh luck.... take care, and use that LOVE you have for ur family to fuel ur efforts to seek the truth, and help the relationships become better. if ur father, brother and mother did that, things can change.. u can be the start of it. but don't ever give up, don't ever give into the negativity that is around you.... negativity and giving up leads to Nothing. but positivity and attempting to change things leads to Something.
2006-09-12 08:29:09 · answer #5 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust what your mom is telling you because it really isn't any doubt considered one of the reality. Your dad is disillusioned at present and to take the guilt off of himself he's employing you. do not trust it is your fault their marriage is failing because it isn't. Your mom stated this is been advance for two decades and it really is about complications a lot deeper then what you're responsive to and that i trust it fairly is the reality. do not enable your dad lay a guilt holiday on you because you sound like a really accountable and bright youthful woman. Do as the different individual above stated and ask to communicate with the college counselor. tell her you would possibly want to prefer to be sure her about some relations complications and ask if she will be in a position to provide you with some counseling. each and every thing you tell her will be saved unique except you're being bodily harmed. in basic terms having someone to communicate with can help plenty.
2016-11-26 20:01:54 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with her and tell what you are thinking and feeling I am a Mom of 4 and my kids and I are very open with each other and it really works. There are no fights at our house because we talk openly to each other and share our feelings before they become an issue. Good luck to you and remember what your parents do is not your fault at all honey they are adults and you should not feel in any way that you are to blame.
2006-09-12 08:27:22 · answer #7 · answered by liz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, divorce is NEVER the fault of a child. If/when they do slpit up it is because of problems between them and has nothing to do with you. Be patient with your mom as she is going through a really bad time now. She probably doesn't want to share those things with you because they are too difficult to explain to a kid. She doesn't want to burden you with her problems. She should talk to another grown up. She probably gets snappy because she is really riding on a very emotional highwire right now. Moods can swing up and down unexpectedly. Try not to talk it personally. She doesn't mean to take it out on you. You are the closest to her and won't leave her if you are mad at her. If you want to help her through this period of time just do your best to be a good kid. Do your chores, do your homework, don't argue to much with her about little things. In time things will get better. Talk to a counselor at school...they can help you deal with this.
2006-09-12 08:33:34 · answer #8 · answered by Carolyn G 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its good that you've realised your mistake! Now, you should go to your mum, and seek her forgiveness. Tell her that you regret for whatever you did that let her being so down. If you really like your mum, care not to repeat what you did. She might not forgive you as soon as you go to her. you should give her sometime, and during that time you should behave like a good girl and do not argue with her. After all she is your mum and will definitely forgive you. I understand that you have your own thoughts and opinion and probably they don't match with those of your mum. That's why you end up argueing with her. As from now on, until you are not mature, please heed your mum's advice even if you are against it. do what she tell's you to do. For that you will have to be courageous to keep your own opinions for yourself. Also, this will help your relationship with her: express your love often to her, give her hugs and do things that will make her happy. If you keep her happy, she won't have any reason to deny you something that makes you happy!
Be a good girl!
2006-09-12 08:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by Goldenheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your the child, she is the parent! Remember that! It's not your job to take care of your mom, it's her job to take care of you. It's not your job to worry about your mom being depressed, she needs to be worried about your well being. My mom was an alcoholic and at age 12 I was taking care of her. Every relationship she had failed because of me and I did everything wrong, she was always mad at me! I grew with so much shame and guilt. I believed that I couldn't do anything right! Today I know different. I wasn't to blame for my parents divorce, nor for her alcoholism! I was forced to grow up to quick! Please don't blame yourself for this situation. It's not your fault! Seek some counseling to deal with the damage that's already been done to you! Don't grow up to feel like your to blame! Deal with this now!
2006-09-12 08:28:52 · answer #10 · answered by faith 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how close you are with your mom. But the bible says to, "Honor thy mother and father, so that thy days will be longer on earth." Respect your mom, even if you don't understand why she may do the things she does. Parents are not always right but they do try. I am old fashioned and I grew up in a household to where if I spoke back to my mother.....OH BOY WATCH OUT!! But, it made me into the woman I am today and I am 26 yrs old. Go to your mother and apologize for anything you may have said wrong to her. God will see the way you are treating her and that is so important. Pray, pray, pray for your parents. I know divorce isn't easy, my parents divorce when I was young. But, life goes on. That does not mean neither parent loves you any less. God Bless you sweety! It will be alright.
2006-09-12 08:28:59 · answer #11 · answered by Selah 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋