my husband and i have been married for 4 years....i love my husband...but...on one hand i dont wanna be married anymore and we barley have a sex life.....i dont wanna have sex with him...theres no other man or anything like that....whats wrong with me?..please help!!!
2006-09-12 08:13:45 · 31 answers · asked by red head 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like your'e movin' on. Things change. Or, they don't change. Either way, follow your heart, but don't be mean.
2006-09-12 08:18:53 · answer #1 · answered by hbsizzwell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. I have the same problem with my hubby sometimes. It turns out I was majorly depressed - which has a major effect on your sex drive. Birth control pills do too. Since I've stopped birth control things are much better with the sex. I'm not saying that is the fix-all. I know how you are feeling. Have you considered going to a marriage conselor? My husband and I do that too, and it really realy helps. Also, you love your husband, which is excellent. Do you still find him attractive? If so, I doubt there is a serious problem between you. It's probably more a factor of how you are feeling than anything else. Best of luck, don't give up!
2006-09-12 15:18:26 · answer #2 · answered by natureutt78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you feel depressed in any way? I know when I'm feeling down, the last thing I want is my husband all up in my face about this and that. What's going on in the relationship that is making you the most unhappy and can it be fixed? Do you have anyone that you can trust that you can talk to, face to face? Some people were just meant to be together, some weren't and there is no fault in it. I really don't believe there is anything wrong with you. Sometimes we, as married women, feel like this and it can pass, but sometimes it takes drastic measures for us to feel good about our lives again.
Take some time for you. Try short vacation, or a retreat of some sort. Go to a spa for a massage or some body work, anything that will make you feel good. Think about what it is that you really want to happen with your life and go from there. Good luck :)
2006-09-12 15:25:25 · answer #3 · answered by XxbrooklynnxX 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax. Don't stress yourself ok. You say you love him so that is out of the way, the sexual relationship thing.. try new things. Talk to him and tell him how you feel first about the whole thing of you guys not having sex anymore. Then try to do something different or something exciting that can set the mood, keep it up for a while. After a while if you feel you don't want to be w/ him, then you might want to think about giving each other some time away. Thats what most couples need sometimes. It works for me when i'm w/ my partner, there are times i don't want to be w/ him so i go away for awhile and when i see him again its like we're starting over again and it feels good.. refreshing!
2006-09-12 15:28:22 · answer #4 · answered by Become a better person 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe people can fall out of love as easily as they fall into it. It seems kind of soon for you, but I don't know your history. Some couples let life in general and "the world" come between them. Without each other being first in your lives above all else, you are lost. Life's events can cause you to slowly, almost inperceptively drift apart. One day you wake up and the other person's just gone... It doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with you (however meds and things like depression can) you may just simply not love him anymore. Only you can decide and choose a course of action from there. Good luck.
2006-09-12 17:31:51 · answer #5 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have just lost all intrest. First of all try to remember why you fell in love in the first place it was based on things like sex and attraction then that could be your problem. Some people get love and lust mixed and up and base a relationship totally on the wrong thing then when they come to realization it is hard for them to understand. Try to think about thing you love about him and why you were attracted to him. Sex is important but it shouldn't replace all your other feelings. If you can't figure out why you don't want this marriage you should talk to him and let him know what is going on. Maybe he is feeling the same. Just talk it out or seek help as in marriage/relationship counseling if you want this marriage to make it.
2006-09-12 15:22:08 · answer #6 · answered by starla_adore33 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar predicament, but we have had some major problems. You need to go to a pastoral counselor. They can really help you and your marriage.
My husband and I currently are getting help separately. We were getting help together, but he had so many issues, and I had become so bitter that we needed to sort these issues out separately. When this situation is resolved, we will probably go back to marriage counseling.
As far as the marital relations, I am not interested now either. With women, we have to be made to feel special, and my hubby doesn't do a good job of that, so it damages our relation time.
I am currently in a state where I find myself daydreaming of other men. The reason is that I lack passion in my life. I lack feeling total love by my husband. So, I think sinful thoughts. I try not to, but the devil continues to tempt me. And, once I find that someone else is attracted to me, it's on in my mind. I have shared this with the pastor's wife and she knows that I do this because I feel a lack of passion in my marriage. It's wrong and a big struggle for me, but counseling helps me stay focused on fixing my marriage and the future we could have.
Contact a Christian counselor.
2006-09-12 15:52:59 · answer #7 · answered by Christian93 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there before. Things were just not working for us. I have also been married for four yrs. I went to God for guidance. Sometimes in a marriage, women are not the back bone but, we have to take more of a start to make it work, not always though. Well, our sex was not so perfect for us either, but after praying and crying and more praying. I started to do different things like, dancing for him, getting involved in his interest. It really all is a mind thing. When I stop dwelling on the bad and focused on how I can add some excitement, things got a little better. Never stop dating, don't put the fire out. Keep yourself up and attractive. I am not saying always have sexy lingerie all the time. But, pull out Victoria Secret more. Put on some make-up, do your hair, there is something about a woman getting pretty that makes her feel attractive. HAVE FUN. It all started to get better for me when I trusted in the Lord and He made sex, He knows it is important in marriage. Read Song of Solomon in the bible. It is like a poetry book. It will get better. God Bless you.
2006-09-12 15:23:19 · answer #8 · answered by Selah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is the relationship good in all other areas? Are you stressed at work? Are you on the pill? Menopause? Seriously... not silly questions to ask at all.
Maybe you are just stressed in other areas you might otherwise overlook. Or have a chemical imbalance in your hormones.
I would totally see a doc, or a therapist....
There may not be a single thing wrong with your marriage at all. Or if there is, and you are VERY sure you are ready to end it.. you have no other choice but to speak with your hubby and explain how you feel, it is only fair... and you need to close that chapter of you life and move on.. but make sure you are certain, because if you tell him then decide you don't want to be apart it will only put added stress on the relationship, because now he will be uncertain of your future together.
Best of luck
2006-09-12 15:15:12 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ goddessofraine ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, after four years you can just be bored or you can no longer be sexually attracted to him; for instance, I've seen what one year can do to a man's body (gain 50 pounds, not me)...there's a good chance he used to be more attractive when you first met, but now he just hasn't been taking care of himself.
Do you still love him? Do you like being with him? Is this probably only sexually? If you still love him, then I recommend bringing this problem up to him; however, if you reallllllly think it is more than just the sex, then maybe the two of you should seek professional help.
2006-09-12 15:17:39 · answer #10 · answered by flyboop_2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that, wrote the book. I've been married for 14 years. At times like that, it's best to shut yourself off. I love my husband too, but when I didn't want to do the sex thing, I just let my body go into auto pilot and (God forgive me) thought about other things such as the things I needed to pick up at the store, things I needed to do around the house, etc. It got us through the rough patches.
2006-09-12 15:17:29 · answer #11 · answered by Mommymonster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋