Are we we supposed to just be a robot that only is allowed to pay bills, balance the checkbook, clean the home, do the laundry (babies go through mounds in a day), eat, do our homework, maintain the garden, and tend to our older child(ren) when the baby is napping or out for the evening?
Is it sinful and blasphemous to include the baby in adult chores where applicable? Or is baby wake time, simply play time for baby and nothing else?
Are we parents allowed to finish an assignment for class while baby entertains himself? Maybe even ask a question on Y!A for craps and giggles?
Is it sinful to only spend 92% of your time with your baby? Is it okay to spend 4% on oneself and your older child(ren), and 4% on housework?
Is wanting a tidy home for a crawling baby to explore bad? Or should parents just leave messes where they lay, and delve into the warp zone of baby 24-7 and neglect all else?
2006-09-12 08:03:13 · 14 answers · asked by Goddess of Nuts PBUH 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Kathryn A...Thank you for pasting that disgusting link up here that has nothing to do with my query. Your return to adolescense has been duly noted. I will not report you, but just note that was wholly uncalled for.
2006-09-12 08:29:24 · update #1
WOW--You feel pretty strongly about this! That's great--I do too. It seems some people here only think we should have time for our children--none for ourselves. I went over to a good friends house--her son is two--I couldn't believe it. His highchair had old fruit sticking on it, the carpet hadn't been cleaned in a month, the dishes were stacked up, and she just said "you know how it is, you're a mom now." Like I said, I couldn't believe it. After my son goes to bed AND while he is awake I make a constant effort to kept the house clean; not for me, my husband, or company, but for the sake of my child! Anyway--I totally agree with you--keep on fighting a good fight!
2006-09-12 08:10:59 · answer #1 · answered by .vato. 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do what you feel is appropriate. If you are constantly playing with the baby, then he/she is never going to learn to entertain themselves. Also I believe that it is good for a child to see Mommy or Daddy cleaning, it instlls in them the belief that it's a necessary part of life. You can put the baby down for some tummy time while you sit on the floor and do some homework, it might encourage the baby to reach for a toy, roll over or start to crawl. Independence in a child is a good thing.
A little bit of "me time" is not a bad thing. You're going to burn out on being a mom if you don't take a few minutes for a hot shower or just to read a few pages of a good book. The baby will be okay.
2006-09-12 08:10:22 · answer #2 · answered by S. O. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are so alike...I just want to say "Hi to my twin.." I was always very concerned with laundery being done, clean home, ALL THE TIME. Now you have a baby and your world is in this huge cycle spin storm of chaos and confusion. What do I do? Well, your baby will only be a baby for a short amount of time. At this time, he needs your attention and love. If the house is a mess-don't worry about cleaning it. Listen as is you are already wonder woman for having a baby and getting back to trying to have things as it was before and normal. But don't worry yourself about trying to have a clean home, laundery done each day...these things will be done just not exactly how you may want it at the time. You will soon get to realize that a clean home is not the most important but that your child and time with him is. I always worried about it but really now I just tidy up a little for about 10-15 min. and it looks descent and okay-then great that's all you can really do. Another good suggestion is this: Days of the week to clean. For example: Mondays you spend doing only the laundery-->Yours and the baby and believe me right there that is a lot to do in a day. Tuesdays-You could spend cleaning up the bathrooms and dust one of the rooms in the house. Wednesdays-could be going out to get groceries. Thursdays-Could be dusting the rest of the house. Fridays-Vacuuming and washing floors. This is most likely what I will be doing and this should really help-planning and organizing. Play with baby during the day or you can even carry him around while you dust a little or vacuum in the Baby Bjorn. Then in the evenings from around 6:00 make dinner and spend an hour or so doing school work. But also spend an hour for yourself after baby is down for a nap or his big sleep. Spend time for yourself whether a couple tv shows or a bubble bath or even reading a good book that takes your mind away from home or "goo goo gaa gaa". Hope this helps....Best of luck to you for I am going through the same exact thing. School, baby, working full-time...I too wish there were more hours in the day. ☺
2006-09-12 09:02:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think there is a balance.
But I also think babies are only little once, so the baby's needs do take a higher priority when they are new. As they get older, they become more able to take an interest in other things, for example, playing with a soft toy or rattle next to mom while you fold laundry.
I use a sling to involve my baby in household activities. She is looking over my shoulder or contemplating the taste of her fingers while I sweep the floor, vacuum, load the dishwasher, run the laundry... My older children help with sweeping the floor, folding their own clothes, clearing their dishes, and other age-appropriate chores.
I am not child-centered. I am not Mommy-centered. I am center-centered!
http://www.thecowgoddess.com/?s=center+centered
***Sorry Heather's parenting humor does not amuse you. I appreciate what she has to say, even though we don't always agree on everything. I thought that comic showed what you were talking about, a balance between making your whole life "all about what the baby wants, ooh baby can I get you another toy sweetums?" and "Just leave the baby to sit in the playpen all day while I eat bon bons and watch soap operas."
If Hathor's prominent nipples offend you, so sorry. Feel free to put a blanket over your head.***
2006-09-12 08:26:13 · answer #4 · answered by Kathryn A 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well...since babies need/want your attention 24/7, it would be virtually impossible to give them everything they want. And what would you be teaching them if you did? Eventually you're going to have to cook a meal, or fold laundry etc. etc. You shouldn't feel guilty for having hobbies, or household chores or (God forbid) wanting to leave the house once in a while. You didn't stop being a person when you became a parent. If I felt guilty every time I had to leave my kids or do housework instead of playing with them they would have put me in the looney bin months ago!!
2006-09-12 08:18:33 · answer #5 · answered by kdv36 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a parent of a 5 month old I feel that some time has to be spent on ourselves and our home, if we do not feel good about ourselves then I think we will start to resent the time spent with our children. I think your split of 92% with the baby is even high.
2006-09-12 08:08:16 · answer #6 · answered by Nicole T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slings are such a beautiful thing. I pop my baby on my back, and we do housework together. Or, if it's non dangerous housework (cooking and some scrubbing are dangerous, decluttering is not), then I just let her roam around me while I work.
I can't *always* do this, though, and there are times when I must see to my needs, even if my baby's crying. Mamas need to be able to get dressed and pee (even if not alone) and feed themselves at the minimum, and there are many times I've have to let my baby wait while I attend to one of those things.
Finding a balance is hard. I, too, strive to be "center-centered".
(I love Hathor. :D)
2006-09-12 10:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by kalirush 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay well my son is 20 months old and he has his "chores" he feeds his cat, and he helps me put the Laundry in the Dryer, plus he has to help clean his room. I take my time during the day. my son will be playing in his room and I sit down and watch TV. And I make sure I have my house clean and things like that also. i think as parents we need to balance our family's and our self's and our house hold chores. and that's just the way it is. babies cant have your attention 24/7 because then they grow up and they Expect your attention 24/7 and then your screwed. people need to teach their babies and toddlers to entertain themselves.
2006-09-12 09:25:08 · answer #8 · answered by fandj4ever 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only free time you should have to yourself is when the baby is sleeping (whether it be morning/afternoon naps or bedtime at night). What you choose to do with it (cleaning house vs. playing a game on the computer) is ultimately up to you. After your child becomes an adult and goes off to college or moves out of your home, you'll have all the free time you want.
If your home is dirty and you're concerned, do like I did and hire a cleaning lady. Ours is German and will scrub on her hands and knees with a toothbrush if I ask her to.
2006-09-12 08:43:27 · answer #9 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You really need to take care of yourself, that way you're energized and happy when caring for your baby. I'm a stay at home mom of a non stop 2 year old and things can get hectic, but once you get comfortable with juggling activities you'll do just fine!!!!
2006-09-12 08:43:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋