I keep being dishonest my the man I love and dont know why. There is no reason for me too, but I have hurt him. I never want to hurt him again. this isnt the first time I have done that. I did this with my ex and the ex before him. Am i Doomed to have a successful relationship?
2006-09-12 08:00:51 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did not cheat just lying about who i am with and what I am doing.
2006-09-12 08:54:42 · update #1
As long as you keep sabotaging you will never have a successful relationship. You need to get to the core of the problem and find out why you feel you don't deserve love. What are you afraid of? Have you been hurt in a previous relationship? Whatever the problem is just know until you face the problem head on, decide that you are worth the love, and put forward a serious effort to succeed you unfortunately won't get to where you want to be. Good luck...let go and let love take over...and stop hurting people Karma is terrible.
2006-09-12 08:02:30 · answer #1 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well... i think u need to figure out what u think is a "good" partner. are you keeping yourself accountable for ur actions? are you proud of yourself? =T if u need to get help, no matter what or how u do it, u have to become someone that you are PROUD of. someone who makes good decisions...if u can't do that yet, then don't be in a relationship. take some time out and work on Yourself...until u can be a good partner, u cannot 1) expect to have a good boyfriend, or 2) expect someone to respect you when u don't know how to respect them.
=T... whether it is something in the past, or self confidence, self love or hate..whatever it is, u have to deal w/ it FIRST and THEN get into a relationship. until then, u are being selfish, and do not know, or will not do, what is right for a RELATIONSHIP. a Team. commitment. trust, respect, honor. none of those things are there when sabotage something.
good luck, and find Yourself...expect things from yourself before u expect them from others. work hard, and u will feel a sense of achievement to become a better person. it is worth it, it is better than thinking badly of urself as a "sabotager". that is not nice, not fair, and not good for you, or for anyone in ur life.
2006-09-12 08:09:53 · answer #2 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this rate it seems you are quite doomed to have unsuccessful relationships. You sound crazy because you even say you have no reason to hurt these people, but you seem to know enough that if you hurt them the relationship will fall apart. So the relationships fall apart as expected. Think about it you got the results that make sense for what you did. If those are the results you want keep on hurting people. Sounds like the choice is up to you, otherwise if you keep on hurting people somebody is someday going to have to put you away as a hurtful abuser of people. There are allot of people like that locked up for life in case you are wondering. Hmmmmm
2006-09-12 08:08:30 · answer #3 · answered by dumb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to do this big time. Things would be going really good in a relationship and I would stir up some **** just to start an argument. I would push a person as far from me as I could when i really wanted them to be close. I also would hurt them before they could hurt me. I kept noticing my behavior and how it kept repeating itself. I didn't want to do this with my husband so I did some searching in myself and my past to see what was the problem. Mostly it was because of past relationships, being hurt and afraid to let anyone in! When you let people get close they hurt you so I would push them away. Also the way I was raised everything in my life was inconsistent, I watched my mother go through many relationships! She also had this behavior! So alot of it was repeating my mothers behavior. Just look back and see why you are doing this there has to be an underlying problem! Once you can see it then you can begin working on it! I also told my husband that I do this and he kind of understands. So if I start to stir some crap up he can call me on my b.s. if you know what I mean! Since he can see what I am trying to do now, it's not as easy to do that to him! I hope I made some sense! Good Luck
2006-09-12 08:13:39 · answer #4 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are a compulsive liar you will never build a decent relation-
ship. Great relationships are built on the truth and nothing but the truth. It doesn't matter what you are lying about, whether it be your past or what you did yesterday, honesty is the only way to go. Lying just leads to more lying to cover up the lie before. If it has been habitual for you maybe you should try therapy before hurting yet more people that you claim to care about.
2006-09-12 08:09:14 · answer #5 · answered by Cali 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently it's time you avoided relationships for a while to get your head right. Everyone falls back into familiar patterns in relationships so if your pattern is destructive that will likely continue until you spend some time alone trying to figure out the root cause. It could be you saw this pattern play out as a child and it all started back then, I don't know, but that's something you will need to find out.
2006-09-12 08:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by live2ride 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think deep down you are not ready to have a serious relationship. You seem to want to have fun and see what you can get and how far it will go. I am not saying that you are a bad person, but a serious relationship does not sound like something you need right now. How would you feel if your man told you that he was cheating you on behind your back....think about it!
2006-09-12 08:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by ridingis4life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need help, maybe some good counseling. Just think, you're obviously doing this for a reason. You know that you wouldn't like this done to you. There something going on with you that you do this, and you're not just hurting the guys you're hurting yourself. Do you like being alone. Really you should try and get some couseling.
2006-09-12 08:14:06 · answer #8 · answered by saraidan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not doomed, but you need to start being honest. Relationships are built on trust - and if you can't be honest, he can't trust you. Are you afraid of what he'll do if you're honest and yourself? (Of course, I'm not really sure what you mean by being dishonest, are you just lying, or are you being unfaithful - there is a major difference!). Honesty is a MUST - it might be hard for you, but start trying to do it.
2006-09-12 08:07:59 · answer #9 · answered by natureutt78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are until you find out why you are doing this. My thought is that you really don't want to be in a long term relationship. You should try just casual dating for a while. go out with a lot of different guys - don't let any of them tie you down. Just have fun for just that date.. if there is another..cool if not... no loss.
2006-09-12 08:04:35 · answer #10 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋