His mom invited me to go out to eat at his favorite restuaraunt Olive Garden,along with his grandmother and his aunt, then we plan to visit his grave. I miss him dearly but I am scorned at the fact that he cheated on me the last week he was alve. I am very nervous about this upcoming date.I still have unaswered questions, And there are still pics of him wit other girls i havent seen.
1.What should I do @ his grave with his family,bring flowers how much time to spend there?
2.Do i ask any questions about his cheating?
3.Should I ask to see the police report?
4Suggestions any plz help Yahoo Answers.
2006-09-12 07:59:21 · 11 answers · asked by Gifted and Gracious 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank them for thinking of you. It is really a kind gesture. Then tell them you would rather not go. That you would rather remember him a different way. They don't need to know why you remember him in a different way.
Do not ask about his cheating! They may not know anything about it and they may feel worse.
It sounds like your feelings are very confusing and distressing to you. It also sounds like you are very suspicious about the circumstances of his death. A look at the police report might give you closure. Call the non-emergency line and explain your reasons for wanting to see the report. They can advise you about how to see it without causing the family more hurt.
2006-09-12 08:08:03 · answer #1 · answered by booktender 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most women would be glad their boyfriend is dead after they found out he cheated on them.
In order to get some closure go to the grave. You don't have to go with his family though. You could go by yourself. Either way bring some flowers and put them by his headstone. Spend 10 or so minutes thinking and meditating by the grave Most people will stand around it and clean it up and cry a little. Some will talk to it when nobody else is around. That is something you could do by yourself. Ask him why he cheated on you and tell him you miss him. Seeing where he died will help with closure also. Most people want to see where their loved one died. Don't bring up the cheating to his family. It's too soon to bring it up. If someone else mentions it then talk about it. You could ask for the police report if they have it. Ask any questions you want if you want need to find out more of what happened. There is nothing wrong with asking about it, you have a right to know. The family should also have an autopsy report to read about cause of death, drugs in body, etc. The family may or may not let you read that. You could ask also. They are asking you to go out of respect. That is a good thing. They probably didn't know he was cheating so that is a burden you will have to bare. If you absolutely can't stand it then tell them he was cheating and you are having a tough time with it. Go with your gut because it's all about you having closure so you can live the life you have remaining.
2006-09-16 03:07:43 · answer #2 · answered by Trevor B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What u need to remember that although u are hurt by his cheating and deception, nothing will really chance the situation, the fact is onyl he could of given u the answers that u want to hear and that isnt going to happen now. I feel for your situation but its time to bury the past, let it go. Remember all the good time the pair of u had, celebrate the life he had im not saying its going to be easy in fact it may well be one of the hardest days u will face. But draggin up dirt on a dead mans grave really isnt going to acheive a whole lot. As for ur questions if u wish u take flowers then thats ur choice, maybe nice as it shows that u still think of him and bother how his grave looks, spend as much time there as u are comfortable with, dont feel pressured to leave or stay and longer than u wish, u 2 are greiing and the familly shoud appreciate that. The police report ? again what is going to be acheived by seeing this document, a good chance that it will just sink u back into the feelings that imideatly followed hos death as it will bring it more to the forfront of ur mind of how he died etc. I do hope this helps, good luck to you for that day and also for the future :)
2006-09-12 15:10:57 · answer #3 · answered by Phantom Viper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When yo go to the grave, bring flowers. Don't ask about the cheating, his family doesn't need that right now, besides he is passed away, let that go. Yes see the police report if you feel you need to.
I am not sure how he died, but in any death you will have unanswered questions. My babies dad committed suicide in front of me 12 years ago and it still hurts. I had so many questions but never got any answers. You get to a point where you just accept it and move on! It takes time believe me and it's easier said than done. Something that worked for me was writing a letter to him, saying all the good and bad things that I wanted to say to him and noever got to say. Then I took it to the grave. It's basically getting all your feelings out and releasing them! It is a very big relief when you do this! All I can say is take time to heal! Pray! Lots and lots of prayer!
2006-09-12 15:05:52 · answer #4 · answered by faith 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, remember that it is a difficult time for you as well as his family. Maybe bring some flowers or something special that might have had some meaning for him.
Dont ask about his cheating. I dont think its what his family wants to hear on that day. maybe at a more appropriate time after this day. Same with the police report. Just to be respectful. You can do those things another day.
2006-09-12 15:08:35 · answer #5 · answered by Blood&Wine 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it must be an awful, confusing time for you. About the flowers, take some only if you want to and don't spend more than you can afford. About the cheating, I wouldn't bring it up in front of his whole family. If there's one family member you feel close to, perhaps you could talk to them in private another day. Do you think his family knows about the cheating? If not, I would not bring it up at all. They'll probably resent you for it. Why would you want to see the policce report? If you think it will help you in some way, again, bring that up in private. I hope you are able to resolve your feelings, but try not to bring his family any more pain.
2006-09-12 15:06:23 · answer #6 · answered by Laurel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a huge honor that they include you in thier ceremony. You might want to bring a flower and place it there. Even if you have mixed feelings right now it would be very nice to respect him in front of his family. Don't ask about cheating to his family. If you are really concerned, ask around his friends and colleagues. You should go to the local police to see a report. But what answers do you want to find? You may find answers you don't want to hear.
Best of luck.
2006-09-12 15:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by Billy! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Celebrate his spirit, and think on the memories of what good things you shared. Life is an illusion, and only these moments we share with each other mean anything. If he was less than perfect, than acknowledge that, shrug, and smile. Be friends with the people he loved, because he lives on in them and you.
At the grave, say a prayer, and bring something for him...flower petals, or poem, telling him how you feel. I am sorry for your loss, but remember we best celebrate our loved ones by living to the best of our ability!
2006-09-12 15:04:41 · answer #8 · answered by Sad-Dad 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you want to go with his family? You might want to rethink it...especially since you know he was cheating.
If I were you I'd tell the mom something like "You know I loved your son, but he cheated on my the last week he was alive, and I am still getting over that. I hope you understand." That will eliminate having to pretend that everything was OK and that you're not really doubly upset.
2006-09-12 15:03:41 · answer #9 · answered by Bobbie 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
take the high road for their sake. they must think highly of you to invite you. be kind.
2006-09-12 15:02:43 · answer #10 · answered by kurleylovescheese 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋