What Do you think of My poem?

Question

This is my first non rhyming poem, I was told it was better thought of.

I know you opened heavan's gates,
But like each saviour, we turned you into death,
And for every life you saved and changed,
You are alone, no one came for you.

Freedom was waiting round the corner,
For anyone that followed you,
After you said don't be afraid,
You were alone,Your dangerous paths drew cowards away.

You were the ray of hope in life,
We looked up to your soul,
Until like you are in heavan now,
You are alone, Your children are not worthy to stand by God.

Life is nothing to us all,
This is a world of pain.
And since we turned on our ray of hope,
We are alone, No one's coming for us.

Answer 1

its a little disturbing. are you talking about Jesus. It is good. it does what good writing is supposed to do which is to make you think

Answer 2

If you are going to sacrifice rhyme, then please ensure some stability in rhythm (actually stability in rhythm would be wonderful for any poem). The two long lines ending the second and third stanzas should be in some way shortened or lengthen the others. The message may have been thought through but the delivery fails to exemplify such a thing. The last stanza is the most promising.
I would have said:
"Life is nothing to be sure
But a painful trial to endure.
We abandoned our hopeful ray
Now abandoned, we alone stay.

Also, please ignore what people say of the message when they critique. Since this seems overtly about Christ, do not allow someone to tell of what Christ is. Christ is to you what you wish him to be, and he was what you think he was. The poem is for the poet more than the reader in my opinion. If you truly like what you wrote, ignore the words of us who read it.

For hi-maintenance, remember the Jesus is a part of God in theology, God is omnipresent, Jesus is not necessarily omnipresent. The Trinity are three in one, this implies something along the lines of separation.
I believe the author also was speaking humbly when he stated the unworthiness of humanity. If God is truly
omni
potent
present
scient
Then I think I would feel unworthy even if he declared me worthy, but that's just me.
And by the way, this is a world of pain. Even Jesus felt pain on this world. If you say otherwise, tell me why he claimed his father forsook him?

Answer 3

It is good but you have a few things that I need to point out:

""You are alone, Your children are not worthy to stand by God"
Once we have been saved, cleansed and sanctified we are his children and we will be by his side.

"Life is nothing to us all,
This is a world of pain"
Life is our one chance to fulfill our purpose, yes it is full of pain but also joy!

UPDATE FOR THOSE WHO I INFLUENCED:
GOD IS NOT WHAT WE WANT HIM TO BE. HE IS THE SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW. I HAVE TRUE PEACE BECAUSE OF HIM AND YOU TOO CAN FEEL WORTHY AND UNDERSTAND WHY PAIN IS NOT AN ISSUE IN MY LIFE. GOD BLESS AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS.

Answer 4

It has no point and therefore is uninteresting. You believe you have a point to this poem, but there's nothing in the end of it to justify reading it. We finish reading it, there is nothing there, we get annoyed and forget all about it. Pointless, cheerless, talentless. Cheers.

Answer 5

its good and i like it some how but it has too much sadness that not all the lives goes that way i think!!!!!!dont u?