What is the best way to get my wife and kids to respect me?

Question

I work seven days a week to provide for my family. My work is hard. My wife does not work. My wife and 15 year old son are seriously lazy and will not do housework or anything I ask of them. My 8 year old daughter does not respect me because my wife does not respect me. My wife keeps spending all the money that I make and keeps us low on money. I love my wife and kids and want to stay married(now 19 years).

Answer 1

1 - open a bank account in your name only.
2 - put 80% of all your earned cash in that account (or whatever you need to pay bills)
3 - put 20% (or whats left) of all your earned cash in your joint account (with your wife)
4 - Tell her that she now has a spending account once its gone its gone
5 - Have a family meeting to set expectations of everyone
- you - go to work
- wife - work? housework? get kids to school? volunteer?
- kids - school, sports? grades? chores?
- respect for everyone in the house
- Write all of this down and have everyone sign it

If this doesn't work. I would then suggest go to family counciling... and if that doesn't work - then divorce the wife as she is the basic cause of this problem.

Answer 2

Life is very expensive, and some people aren't aware of how much it can cost at the grocery store, or for clothing, or for necessities for a household. Take some time off from working, a day here, a day there, go shopping with your wife. It could be frivolous spending or it could be your not aware of prices. Everything has gone up, and your obviously not around enough to show them the respect they need, so your probably getting what you put into the family. A paycheck is not your only responsibility to your family and it could be that you think it is, bringing home a paycheck ends your responsibility to show them that you are there for them in every other way. Respect is a two way street, show a little or none, you can expect the same back. Show and give a lot, you will probably be one happy man. Seven days a week you work, take a breather, no wonder it's not working for you.

Answer 3

You have to put your foot down! for reals. Set some limits, boundries, and have a family meeting, let everyone know you are serious. Tell them that if things don't change you will no longer provide everything! sometimes it takes a big change to make a small one! counsiling is available too. Take the paycheck away for a while, take away privlidges. Most of all tell your wife all this first get her on your side, Fighting with the kids will change nothing if your wife cannot compromise. This is important you are not just raising kids you are raising future adults. And it's up to you and your wife to make it right! Demand the respect you deserve! Good luck Be firm!

Answer 4

It's time to lay down some laws.

I'd check out a class on "Love and Logic Parenting", you and your wife should both find a seminar near you. It did wonders for us. We've got a 14 yr that it difficult to motivate. and a sassy 12 yr old daughter. We know the struggle all too well. L&L helps you take the struggle out of getting things done, you can use it on your wife. "If you spend this money, then we can't do this (whatever, this is..) "

Worth the $100-200 seminar fee for a six week one night per week course. !!

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

I also think you need to control the purse strings. Pay the bills, get all her credit cards and cut them up. Give her an allowance and a budget she has to work within.

Here is a sample AUDIO of their workshop..

http://www.loveandlogic.com/downloads/FunnyParentingStories.mp3

Answer 5

After 19 years of this all you've done is teach them to treat you like a doormat. Re-teaching them at this point could be useless. I think you should put your foot down and TAKE the respect you deserve. It's not too late for your daughter though. Right now you can show her how you'd like things done. I heard in a movie once, "attitude reflects leadership." Take on that leader roll and their attitudes might change.

Why doesn't your wife respect you? I think you should ask her. As for your son, talk to him. At 15 years old, he could be going through a lot too; peer pressure, hormones, school or something like that.

Answer 6

Spend lot's of time with your family in positive setting's . Set and stick to boundries about what will be acceptable and what isn't. Do you set down alone with your wife and tell her what you're feeling, if not you need to. She needs to know. If the spending is frivalious, tell her how you feel and cut the spending out till the both of you can sit and discuss any purchases she want's to make.If your wife won't stop disrespecting you, tell your daughter speaking to you any manner that does not show respect will not be tolorated. If this doesn't help and it peoberly won't, seek some professional help. Sound's like you've gotten into a nasty little rut that's going to be awfully hard to climb out of. Good luck to you and your's.

Answer 7

OK, first thing you need to do is not hand your paycheck over to your wife. You should not allow her to control the money if she's not doing it responsibly. Pay only the necessary bills and if she wants pocket money tell her to get a part time job. Once she realizes how hard work is she'll respect the work you do a lot more. And guess what? 15 year olds can babysit if they wanting spending money. No more free ride!

Good Luck.

Answer 8

Have a family meeting. Have all of you sit down and you talk about what is bothering you. Together ya'll should come up with some ways to fix your problems. If that doesn't work...talk to a counselor. And if that still doesn't work the you have to decide if you want to live like that the rest of your life or not.

Also, about the money problem. If YOU make all the money then give your wife an allowance. Set up your own account that she is not on and just put in ya'lls joint account money for bills, kids, etc...


Good Luck!

Answer 9

Your fault. You are too much of a push-over. You need to be more of a disciplinarian.
Your wife is behaving like a spoiled child and not a responsible wife. Your children are spoiled by you and your wife.

Go for marriage counselling and parenting courses or counselling. OR

Tighten your hold on the household money and list out what you want your wife and children to do.

Answer 10

Sounds like you need to stand your ground. Make a chore list for your children, if it's not done by the time you get home there is a punishment. Now your wife may not honor it, so maybe take the one who does to get icecream or something, so the otherone will work to not be left out. Sounds like you will be the one to be instilling morals and rules. I will be hard especially working so much, but it will pay off one day and you will be blessed.