I finally lost my temper and told her I married to early
Is it too late to use that as an excuse???
2006-09-12 06:50:26 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ah hun are you going tru a midlife crises you can have my shoulder anytime
2006-09-12 06:56:19 · answer #1 · answered by angel 36 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
"Excuse"? If you KNOW that marrying too early is the reason why you don't feel you should remain married, then it's not an excuse...it's a fact.
However, and equally important and very worthly of consideration is the fact that 23 years IS something to cherish and protect.
Questions for YOU to consider:
1) Are you a member of a religion?...and, if so, what does your religion say about divorce?
2) Is there any abuse, unfaithfulness, or serious mistrust involved between you? By serious mistrust I mean, have either of you stolen from the other or has one or both of you been involved in criminal activity?
The two questions above are serious questions to consider and, if any of these questions are viable considerations in making a decision, a decision must be made.
If anything in the above questions are not involved then, consider the following:
Personal growth has, no doubt, ocurred for both of you since the day of your youthful wedding and today, a later, more mature time in your lives. Your mental paradigns have shifted and your individual interests may well be totally different. This does not help keep those together who don't want to make the effort necessary to stay together, but.....
I suggest, before either of you jump off the deep end and tear up the life you have built all these years, obtain a copy of the book, "Passages", by Gail Sheehy.
In her classic book about human growth and development between ages 18 and 65, Ms. Sheehy points out, by way of real life examples, how men and women go through their "decades" and how we change. This book helped me to better understand myself and others when I was younger and it has helped my understanding and my patience with myself and others in my life throughout the years. I know the book is available in libraries in the U.S., and I would hope it's available in other countries.
PS, and on the "lighter side":
There was a couple who celebrated their 75th Wedding Annivesay and a newly wedded "descendent" who was going through some "problems" asked her great-grandmother,
"Great-grandma, in all these years, did you ever consider a divorce from Great-grandpa?"
And the truthful woman answered, "Divorce, never!....but I "considered" murder many times!"
LOL
Best of luck to you and yours.
2006-09-12 07:27:01 · answer #2 · answered by Seneca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 45 years of marriage I can tell you that there were times when I hated him and when he hated me. But never at the same time. We fought to keep our marriage together for the kids and I am glad we did. No matter the age. Children are always most secure with their parents marriage intact. Now with the children grown up we are by ourselves again just as we were when we started out. We have grand children and even a great grand. I think it was worth it. One thing we did keep during all that time was mutual respect and the ability to treat each other civil. We had our share of arguments. He is from the old school of beating a child. I never even got spanked growing up. The difference of opinion came into play when most of our children were teenagers. Those were when we had the most fights. Our children turned out fine.
Yes its to late to say I married to early. Mainly because any age you take on the marriage responsibility is too early. Making marriage work is a full time commitment and paying attention and being interested in each others lives. If you had 23 years of marriage then something must have been going good for you. Do not throw it away. Go to consoling. Make it work.
2006-09-12 07:01:10 · answer #3 · answered by T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's never too late. I left my marriage after 28yrs and it was the best thing I did. If it's not working there is no point in staying. It's not easy, when you have spent that long with someone it is very hard to adjust. Be prepared for the backlash. My husbands family still wont talk to me because I had the cheek to leave him after so long. You also find out who your real friends are. Good luck and I hope you make the right decdision for YOU.
2006-09-12 19:51:14 · answer #4 · answered by carrie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of people out there with long term marriages who are wanting out.
"Married to early" -- can you use that as an excuse --- why do you need an excuse, why not just provide her with honesty as to what is wrong between you.
If you didn't need an excuse to get married, why do you need an excuse to end the marriage.
Honest -- give it a try, you'll both be better off for it.
2006-09-12 06:59:39 · answer #5 · answered by cdnponygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooops! You done wrong dude.
Have you really been holding this secret for 23 years? If so, you have been living a lie for that length of time and leading your mrs up the garden path.
How awful must she been feeling!!
I think that is just an excuse for something else. There must be another reason for you wanting to leave her but you are masking this with your poor excuse.
Sort yourself out mate before hurting others.
Be truthful :-]
2006-09-12 06:57:24 · answer #6 · answered by MISS B.ITCH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, remember back to when you married her. How did you feel than? You must have loved her. Are you sure you just want to give that all up? Are you just getting bored with marriage? If you are do something exotic, take her out for a romantic meal, treat her well, you'll be a lot happier! If you do want to divorce her, you cannot use that as an excuse, she'll think your just saying that cos your bored of her, think of how she treats you. If she doean't very well use that as an excuse. good luck!
2006-09-12 07:00:58 · answer #7 · answered by Fran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no. marrying early means you lose out on a lot of things. i got married when i was 20 and although still happily married at times feel as if i should have seen more of the world, party-ed, had more boyfriends etc just as abit of life experience. i have kids and am limited on what i can pass on. you must have loved her though to stay for so long, is it impossible to work out. maybe its time for the two of you to find some of that stuff you missed out on when you were young and if it is not workable break it gently be kind and don't part in anger it would have made all those years together a dead loss
2006-09-12 06:57:27 · answer #8 · answered by A G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its never too late to get out of an unhappy marriage. You only live once and the trick is to always follow your heart. That's the only way to be happy. Even if it is painfull (which it always is) it's better to face it than carry on the rest of your life living a lie. The pain does get better after a while
2006-09-12 09:03:57 · answer #9 · answered by pamperpooch39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes as after that length of time i guess its more of a comfortable arrangement and difficult to break up now & after all you have been through together it may seem now that you wished you had done more before commiting or it maybe now your wishing you could do more and for fill some life long dreams's.... Or it could be other things getting to you as discussed early on here!!!!!!! Sit and chat together try to get back what you once had! Chin up...
2006-09-12 07:44:54 · answer #10 · answered by sandra+3... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to a lawyer and don't tell her you are going to. Find out what she can take from you in a divorce. There may be some financial changes and other things you can do for damage control. If you want out just leave her but do it with the information
2006-09-12 07:11:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋