When we first met he was single (or so I thought). After 3 years of knowing him I found out that he had a girlfriend. I know that it was wrong, but by this point I was in love and I decided to stay. So, I continued seeing him knowing he had a girlfriend. Last year I found out that he married that girl about 2 years back and he never told me. I continued to see him since last year but things just went down hill from there. We always fought because I had a lot of animosity toward him and because I felt betrayed that he got married & never told me. Now I just decided to stop seeing him completely, it's been a few weeks. Lately i've been feeling extremely guilty & i've been wanting to call his wife & tell her about our realtionship. I feel like she has the right to know what her husband has been doing for so many years. The only thing holding me back is that i'm scared of what he'll do to me. He mentioned in the past that if I ever told her, something would happen to me. What should I do?
2006-09-12 06:41:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
One little thing I forgot to mention...He kind of gave me an STD and I he also works in the porn industry and she doesnt know anything about this..I feel for her own safety she has the right to know...Am I wrong?
2006-09-12 06:58:06 · update #1
No don't tell her. She probably already knows what a dog he is. I would heed his warning. If he works in the porn industry, he is a hard, cold person. You need to move on with you life. Forget about him and be glad to be rid of him. The old saying is: If you lay down with dogs, your gonna get flea's. You got a disease from him. Don't call his wife. He gave you a warning , so don't take that lightly. This man is a user and he will continue to use people. SO give Thanks Unto the Lord, that your rid of that Heathen. Move on, Take care and may God bless you , Always.
2006-09-12 11:34:34 · answer #1 · answered by Norskeyenta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would definitely tell her if I were you (especially if they don't have any kids in the picture yet!!)... but make sure you have some form of proof with you so that he won't be able to deny it later (obviously don't confronther when he's anywhere around!) and she won't be able to just consider you a liar. Bring a photograph of the two of you together.... something to prove that what you're saying is valid. Tell her just the facts... apologize and then leave.
I wouldn't take his threat lightly if I were you. He sounds like a really heartless ba$tard to be able to do what he's done (getting married and having you on the side the whole time!!) Get a restraining order on him (for threatening you). Women are more often hurt or killed by their husbands or ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends than by anyone else... so just make sure you cover your own bases and keep yourself protected.
Maybe now you realize that it's of no benefit to be "the other woman". It's obvious that he doesn't love you... even after all of the time that you've spent in your life devoting yourself to him. Maybe you'll learn from this.
Best wishes.
2006-09-12 07:00:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey -- the guy is a dog. Dump him. He'll probably take up with somebody else as soon as you call it quits anyway.
If he has threatend you, go to the police, see about a restraining order.
In hindsight you probably realize you should have ended it when you found out he actually got married, however you did not and now you feel guilty.... good you should. But you should also stop the affair and move on.
In the end, he'll get what he deserves.
2006-09-12 06:49:35 · answer #3 · answered by cdnponygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should leave well enough alone. You don't really know what the wife knows, only what he told you and that all turned out to be lies. You were willing to stay in the shadows for all those years, why come out now?? You were'nt worried about his wife when you were cheating with him, why worry now that he's gone from you? You just have to face the facts that his wife was wife material and you were, well,, whatever. Don't pull her down because YOU feel guilty. She'll find out sooner or later whether her husband is worth keeping.
2006-09-12 07:09:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now all of a sudden you feel guilty and feel she has a right to know? I think you still have a lot of animosity towards him and its your way of getting him back for marrying her. He obviously didn't want you in the first place if he married someone else sorry. Don't make any more problems for yourself and let it go. Good Luck
2006-09-12 06:52:41 · answer #5 · answered by asmokincutie® 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have known for over 2 years about her and continued with the relationship then you are as guilty as he is even though it started off by you not knowing. I know you are miserable but is it worth destroying a marriage over an affair? If you feel it is then tell her, if not then just move on and find a single guy to date.
2006-09-12 06:51:04 · answer #6 · answered by VeeateU 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u seem to be enjoying being treated badly so maybe u should stay there and enjoy ur 'on the side' relationship. do u honestly feel that calling the wife and telling her will change anything but make things worse between you and this guy? he will just despise u more. if he loved u so much for you to remain in this relationship he would've told u that he was getting married and that he needed to move on. if u just listen to urself and what u have said here then u will definitely see that he DOES NOT love you. if he did then he would be married to u and not his wife. just move on with ur life. btw any man who fights with u all the time is just not worth it...stop lying to yourself lady...and do what is best for u.
2006-09-12 07:05:12 · answer #7 · answered by shine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Caught between a rock and a hard place (ur heart.) Well if it were me (and it has been) I would go on with my life and try to get over him. I did this exact same thing about 4 yrs ago. I feel in love with a married man. And I am just know getting over him. He hasn't called me since January and I see that as a blessing. Try and keep yourself occupied. Pray and Good Luck!
2006-09-12 06:46:18 · answer #8 · answered by vernise2679 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to you is just keep it to yourself, if you are the type that aint looking for no drama between him and his wife then just let it be. Don't mention it at all because once you tell her arguments are going to occur, she probably will leave him and then her comes the drama to you, you and him are going to have serious problems so just let it be. Just move on. I know that you feel extremely guilty because you know that you have been with someone that at that point was married. He could at least told you that he was. He just wanted his cake and eat it too.
2006-09-12 06:50:08 · answer #9 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you we're betrayed and lied to BUT even after you found out....YOU contiinued to see him...Love or no love ..once you know whats up you have to be strong and make wise decisions. I would NOT tell his wife...I would dust myself off and move on. You are responsible for YOUR actions and you didnt conduct yourself well once you knew what you needed to know. You have wasted enough time on this loser...telling his wife would only keep you in his realm of drama. Learn the valuable lesson and move on with your life.
2006-09-12 06:59:54 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋