My friend is going through a separation for the past 2 months. They haven't started divorce proceedings yet, but will eventually be divorced. When should he stop calling his in-laws by mom and dad?
2006-09-12 06:09:42 · 13 answers · asked by gandalf 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Now
2006-09-12 06:16:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my situation, I have no intention of stopping. First of all, the problem is between their daughter and me. Second, they will always be the grandparents to my two children that I have custody of. Third, for the past 14 years, they have treated me like a son, entrusting me with some serious family stuff more than their only son. My relationship with them has always been good. Just because their daughter wants to end our marriage is by no means a reflection on how I feel towards them. In my mind, I can separate the relationships. Moreover, there is no rules or laws, written or implied that you should change.
2006-09-12 13:32:11 · answer #2 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends on their relationship. Frankly, I was never comfortable calling my in-laws by their first names or mom and dad. I'd always avoid the issue or refer to them as "your mom" or "your dad" when I was talking about them to someone else. If I absolutely had to, I'd use their first name. But, I usually tried to avoid any indepth conversation with his dad in particular because he's manic depressive and can be unintentionally very hurtful or insulting. Now that we're divorced, thankfully I don't have to talk to my inlaws unless I want to (I occassionally talk to my ex's sister and we get along fine. My divorce was not confrontational and I still talk to my ex on a fairly regular basis).
But, when my ex's mom died, his dad remarried. His step mom's family is very interesting in that she always goes to her ex's family reunions even though all her kids are middle-aged now and don't go, and they like her better than her ex. One of her sons is divorced and he has a similar relationship with his ex's family.
So, it depends on their comfort level. Your friend's inlaws may not have any hard feelings for him and may be perfectly fine keeping a close friendship with him. If they're super close, he may never have to stop calling them mom and dad. Or, if it was a really bitter break, even if they liked him, they may feel obligated to "side" with their daughter and cut him out completely just on principle. They'll give him clues if not tell him up front what they are comfortable with. A separation, particularly one that's so new, isn't necessarily permanent, so he doesn't have to make a decision now, but if he's really feeling awkward about it, he can just ask them how they would prefer to be addressed. "I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little uncomfortable. What should I call you now?"
2006-09-12 13:38:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the relationship. My parents have been divorced for 20 years, and my grandma (dad's mom) and my mom are still really close. In fact, my mom still calls her mom.
2006-09-12 13:14:02 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he feels that it will be comfortable to call them by their names again...they were John and Dorris before they were mom and dad. He should ask them how they feel about it, they may be offended if he stops talking to them like they are HIS family too. I would always call my mother-in-law 'MOM' even if things did not work out between my husband and I.
2006-09-12 13:16:17 · answer #5 · answered by Krissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should that person stop? If there is unconditional love between the "group" then there's no reason to.
my ex-husbands wife and I are Best friends and I think of her as a sister. As for my ex? He's just...her husband.
2006-09-12 13:14:37 · answer #6 · answered by sred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really very personal. I suppose when they stop being mom and dad to him. And if thy have kids, that may be awhile. I think whenever they are not mom and dad in his eyes than he will stop on his own.
2006-09-12 13:11:45 · answer #7 · answered by loladoreen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the relationship he has with them. Is he still close to them even though his marriage to their daughter hasn't worked out? If so then there is no need to stop.
2006-09-12 13:14:01 · answer #8 · answered by Red 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
man youre still speaking? whatever everyone wants...my formers dont even send a christmas card...long story
2006-09-12 13:12:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when the other party starts to see someone else
2006-09-12 13:12:04 · answer #10 · answered by C live 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋