Should I try to 'protect' my daughter?

Question

I have 8 y/o and 5 y/o daughters. The 8 y/o always wants to go next door and play with a 9 y/o girl. The 8 y/o gets bored playing with the 5 y/o. My 8 y/o is very kind hearted but the 9 y/o ignores the 8/yo and will do things like play with her brother and when the 8 y/o goes over she will say she can't play because she has homework. My wife and I think the 9 y/o is rude and we wish our 8 y/o would just let it go. We try to be supportive in any way we can but it's very hard for my wife and I to watch our 8 y/o get rejected continously by this 9 y/o. Our 8 y/o always asks one of us first if she can go over and see if the 9 y/o wants to play and because she seems so bored we allow her to do it. Sometimes she comes back crying. I have advised the 8 y/o that the 9 y/o is mean and she should stay away from her but I don't want to ban her from going over there. Is there anything else you would do in this situation?

Answer 1

Hey Mike the Str
Appears that your daughter is a grand young child. Appears that you and your wife are a good, thinking parents. Continue to do what you are doing. Your daughter will learn the truth, and handle it her way. These sort of things happened to my dautghter Lindsey. She is now 19, and still loves those that screw with her. However she is having great success at her job, the jerks aren't doing so great. Most everyone loves her. Your doing it correctly. I'm 71 years young, I still have a 13 year old at home. My kids range in age from 49 to 13. I did it your way, with success.


Have a great day. Hug the kids twice today, or more.

Answer 2

I have a similar situation: only it's with my 4yo son and 5yo almost-stepson. 5yo will go to his daddy and whine if my 4yo doesn't want to play- that is to say, play exactly what 5yo wants to play and by his rules- but any time my boy wants to play, 5yo just says, 'No, I don't want to play with you right now.' Since he is my bf's son and I can hardly send hm home, I can only watch with a broken heart. Here are some suggestions for you though:

Is there another (nicer) child you could take your kid to visit? Even if it is a few minutes drie it will be better for your daughter and she will probably pick up quickly on the difference between a nicer girl and the neighbor.

Can you stop what you are doing and hang out with her a while? I am now 23 years old and still resent that my mom bought me an easy-bake oven when I was little, forbade me to use it alone, then never had time to do it with me.

Maybe your daughter can call and ask the other girl what she's doing before she goes over- give her a chance to say "No, I'm busy today."

Can this girl come to your house where you can keep an eye on what's happening?

Answer 3

It's pretty obvious that your 8 yr old idolizes this 9 yr old for whatever reason there may be, including that she is older than your daughter. Keep your daughter busy, take her on picnics, go for drives, play games (board games, cards, etc), anything to keep her from being bored enough to want to go next door.

And telling her that the 9 yr old is mean, was not correct. It's a parents job to protect and if that means you and your wife have to sacrifice and make up fun things to do, then do it.

Answer 4

i think of which you're too controlling. it relatively is the grandmothers option to positioned on what she needs. And who says which you won't have the ability to be female in blue denims? And merely look at it this form: you refused to enable her pass there merely by using way her grandmother dresses? i think of you're stupid. And when I say stupid, i'm coating it with a lot sugar, you will have a candy manufacturing unit.

Answer 5

Gee... pretty tough. I think I'll do the same things as you and your wife did. It's not really easy to restrict our children from their "not-so-unhealthy" desires. Your daughter simply wants to play.

I think it's best if you leave it to her to realize the things you've warned her about... just don't forget to tell her that you have warned her and, perhaps, offer other alternatives. For example, "You can play and have friends in school, and when you get home from school, you can play with your little sister, too, or you can play with us." As if playing with you is a better alternative than going next door. You just have to dedicate some time to play with your daughter. *shrugs*

Answer 6

Children will have to learn on their own. She will get sick of this behavior in the other child, hopefully, and stop going over there. You can keep telling her what you've been perhaps telling her stories of when you were young and got rejected. Tell her how it feels and what you did or should have done.
Maybe you can get the 8 year old involved in more activities if she is bored. Good luck to you!

Answer 7

I guess she needs to find some other playmates - she maynot be upto letting go of old ties, however mean they may be - so I suggest you find out if she gets along with any particualr girl(s) in class from her teacher and arrange playdates. Or with kids from her other activities, if she does have them. Sometimes if you take them to a neighbourhood park on a regular basis, she might just end up making friends.

It may be difficult for you, with time crunch, if your are working/ busy. But initally if you do it for a few times, along with the parents of the other playdates, she will find some friends who are nicer to her. Soon she will forget her mean friend.

Another better idea is to find someone who had 2 kids closer to your kids' age - that way both kids have friends (I do that for my kids) and it help!

Answer 8

you need to stop her from going over there. she's constantly being turned away and that not good for her. maybe she thinks if she tries hard enough, the girl will like her and play with her. this is not healthy. i've experienced this as a child myself. i wish someone had steered me in the right direction back then. it messes with your self esteem. she might be sad for a bit, but it will pass. don't let her play with that mean little girl anymore.

Answer 9

Aww thats sad. If she asks to go over stall if you have time to be with her be with her or maybe give her something to do. Make more playdates with other kids her age once or twice a week to expand her friendships.

Answer 10

we usually learn by trial and error or by insight.let her go over there and play with 9y.she,ll learn by her experience.kids are innocent .they are not aware of prejudices and things.let her learn attitude of different people in different situation.just try to create some good atmosphere at home try to provide her that atmosphere which she,s looking for to play outside.give her time.that,s it you can do.rest leave on nature(God)who,s a good teacher.so don,t worry.