I really love him. I'm just getting burned out going to prison after prison to visit. The drive kills me. And I am tried of being alone. What is a nice way to let him go??
2006-09-12 05:34:57 · 17 answers · asked by chocolate 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have given you a ‘thumbs up’ for your question, because it is an interesting one to try to answer !… It is also a very hard one to answer !!!
From reading your previous questions, I was able to learn that your husband is in prison because he murdered someone.
Why did he commit the crime?… Did he do it for you???
Did he give any thought to what you would have to go through if he committed the crime???
Are you as guilty of the crime as what he is???
Do you deserve a life-sentence for a crime you didn’t commit???
Twenty-five years is a bloody big hunk out of your life.
I congratulate you for being so steadfast !!!
But now, you need to perhaps face the reality of what lays ahead…
I don’t know how long you and your husband were married before he was imprisoned.
But what you need to perhaps appreciate, is that the man who may one day be released from prison, will not be the same ‘in nature’ as the man you grew to love and married !
Do you know what his behaviour has been like since he has been in prison?
Is he ‘sorry’ for what he did?… I don’t know what the circumstances were that led him to kill someone, so I choose not to judge him.
The fact remains however, that someone is now dead, and he is the reason that someone’s mother/father son/daughter brother/sister friend/neighbour is no longer alive !!!
I think from a personal perspective that I would be making enquiries through the prison officials to determine what is the likelihood of him being paroled in the near future.
If I got a response back that stated that he has failed to show any remorse for his actions, and that his behaviour does not suggest he would be able to make a worthy contribution to society if he was to be released on parole…
then I would seriously need to determine just where the rest of my life is heading…
and to accept that whilst love may not be blind… it can be wasted !!!
You have proven your love for your husband… It has withstood the test of time…
But ‘time’ itself isn’t endless, when you only have one life to live !!!
Talk to your husband… Tell him you love him so very much, but have felt so ‘alone’ since he has been in prison, and that you don’t know how much longer you can carry on this way.
Tell him that the love you feel for him is very real, but you need to be able to feel ‘real love’ in return…
You need someone ‘loving you’ who can hold you and kiss you; be with you; talk to you; share your highs and your lows; and share the ‘intimacy’ that a loving relationship is meant to include.
Remind your husband that for the past twenty-five years, your love for him has been strong, but you need to be loved by someone who can give you what you need !!!
If your husband truly loves you, he will understand, and depending on what he believes his chances of being paroled are, he may tell you to move on with your life, without him !!!
I compliment you for your strength… and I wish you well !!!
2006-09-12 05:36:52 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband is in prison. He has been there for 11 months and will be home in about 13 months and be on parole for 5 years. I would not leave my husband because he is in there due to petty reasons and his crime were committed when he was a teenager and is working on getting out of the judicial system. Once you are in, it's hard to get out of the web of the legal system.
Anyways, I would be asking myself, can I deal with this for the next 5 years? What would I lose if I left him and got a divorce? He is really worth the wait? What are the real issues? Will they be resolved when he comes home? How can I change my life to make myself happy? What steps do I need to make for myself?
It sounds like you have made up your mind. Think about why he's in there and figure out if this is something you really want. Also take into consideration on when he will be released. Is he going to be released on parole? If so, what happens if he goes back to prison? Can you deal with it all over again?
If my husband was in prison for rape, murder, a crime against children, etc, I would not be with him. He is in prison for drug use and possession when he was 17 years old. He is almost 24 years old and has been clean for a long time.
2006-09-12 06:23:06 · answer #2 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you have to get on with your life..I mean 25 years of your life are gone..you can never get those years back..you might as well try to enjoy what time you have left and maybe find someone else...I would just be honest with him...I mean he is in prison and has been for 25 years- I dont think he deserves to be lied to
2006-09-12 05:40:21 · answer #3 · answered by geom1974 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no "nice way" to break up a marriage, in prison or out here in the real world, but I can sympathise with your dilemma... and so can a lot of the ladies at http://www.prisontalk.com
I suggest that you go there for some support and empathy from others who can truly understand your situation
2006-09-13 12:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shouldn't be that difficult. It's not like he can stalk you. Seriously, you may want to consider that you have an intimacy issue. Accepting the (false) relationship with the forced distance makes me think that you have the issue. I don't see how you can "really love" someone you don't even share real life with. 25 years that he should have grown and matured from life experience, lost to his own irresponsibility. You have been jipped. But you could always decide to take a chance on the next 25 years. You'll only be 25 years older. . .
2006-09-12 05:39:53 · answer #5 · answered by georgia b 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow im not sure you should wait a bit at the beginning but 25 yrs thats quite a bit there. When does he get out?
2006-09-12 05:53:10 · answer #6 · answered by sweetness 24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he calls or you go to see him tell him its over and that you have your own life to live and you can't keep waiting around because even thought you still care you have to do whats best for you and if he loves you he will be mad but he will understand. But if you have connect visits you may want to stand back.LOL.Good Luck
2006-09-12 05:49:25 · answer #7 · answered by Betty Bee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well how long does he have left ? I would of not waited for him this long .. get divorced and find some one that can spend some time with you .. it is not fair to you , and if he loved you and cared about how you feel he would let you go .. just tell him you are sick of being alone .
2006-09-12 05:43:40 · answer #8 · answered by blueflowerscs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's time to say goodbye, there is know way but the truth, tell him everything you just wrote and add the feelings to go along with it. this way he knows your serious and you mean it . he will still try and contact you. and when he does just don't reply to his letters or calls good luck
2006-09-12 05:40:12 · answer #9 · answered by sexyswells42 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, please....25 years...Oh my God. Too bad for him, but in all seriousness live while you have the opportunity. Write him a letter, let him down gently but get on with life!!! This isn't a marriage. Marriage is about house work, paying bills, yelling at him for all he isn't helping you with. Making plans TOGETHER! This is pretending...make-believing...You deserve the whole enchilada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-12 05:42:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋