he's never had a stable family relationship around him he's 25 and never as far as i know had a relationship lasting longer than 1-2 weeks weve been to gether 6 weeks he is mr perfect but has just freaked out how do i get him back ive had loads of advice help
2006-09-12 05:09:32 · 18 answers · asked by sambb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Move on... don't chase after him... he will one day settle down or will be alone.
2006-09-12 05:12:42 · answer #1 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok.. you want lots of advice... your going to get an ear full... here you go..
Do you actually understand what your saying... let alone asking?
Why in the world would you want to have a relationship with a person who CLEARLY does not have the ability to keep a relationship going because he has UNRESOLVED issues in that area. Do you like drama? Or do you think because you've gone all the way up to 6 weeks (as oppose to two weeks) you're the special one (no offense meant) who can change him.....or maybe you think you are unworthy, undeserving or unable to have a person love and commit to you without all that baggage. Why do you feel the need to have to convince this person that you're worthy of being with on a long term basis? Assuming you're not a psycho-therapist or a family counselor... you need to RUN form that situation.... Love is not about convincing someone to be with you... When someone loves you.. it's natural and automatic that they would want to spend time with you and be in your presence and it would naturally lead to the long term commitment of marriage.
Marriages/relationships involve enough hard work under the best circumstances and there's plenty of things to be dealt with when things are relatively "normal" in a relationship... so why start out with that kind of crap on your back... and only after 6 WEEKS.... c'mon... get it together and be sensible! Also, there is no "Mr. Perfect" or "Ms. Perfect" however, there are people who are a great and excellent compliment to one another and if this person is running from having relationships and you are trying to catch him in order to have a relationship (what's wrong with this picuture???)... is clearly not going to be a good compliment to you.
His track record speaks volumes and its quite a clear indication that he needs help and emotional healing.... but not from you. You're not qualified to help him. If he's 25 and still dealing with childhood trauma... he needs professional help.
Not having a stable family relationship/environment is not always an indication that a person(s) will be unable or can't start and maintain a stable family enviorment/life.... but some people (in your case your run-away-groom/boyfriend/man etc.) would need to have some serious counseling/therapy in order to heal past wounds from having to deal with and experience that kind of trama. Sorry but that's so fairly obvious.
If you chase/pursue someone who doesn't want to be caught and pressure,force or trick them into being with you, you're definitely (in the long run... pardon the pun) inviting and asking for trouble in your life .
Everyone has issues... however not everyone knows how to properly deal with or recognize that they need help with their issues. Rather than ruining your life or wasting your time... you need to acknowledge the "RED FLAG" warning signs and walk away from this situation. Imagine having a child for this person only to find out he's not going to be there for you or your child or worse... he's stays around and makes your life and the childs life absolutely crazy and unstable... then the process will recycle itself and your son or daughter will experience the same situation he might have gone through. Do you really want that? Think not!
Someone deserving of your time, attention and love WILL come along... just slow your roll and be patient. Love is not about having to chase down someone or convince them to be with you or that you both would be great for each other.... TRUST!
2006-09-12 12:54:02 · answer #2 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think wildimagination give a quite sensible opinion! You should give him time to set himself first. If he wants to leave you, take some distance from him. But, if you really love him, then don't go too far! Just care to be around him, as a friend, and be ready to help him in case he needs. Don't push him too much. Give him time and try to show him, without pressing too much that life isn't all what he have experienced in the past 25 years. Be patient and loving. You will succeed!
2006-09-12 12:23:43 · answer #3 · answered by Goldenheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
right hes probably freaked out because hes not used to being so close with someone,he obviously really does like you but if the whole family relationship isnt stable he is used to things goin **** up obviously...all i would do is sit down with him and say there is no need to get freaked out we can take this slow make sure he knows ur not askin 4 the world but a chance to see how it goes and where it leads...be really casuall whilst ur doin this.Really hope it works out for u xx
2006-09-12 12:14:37 · answer #4 · answered by RIO 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has commitment problems and it's for him to correct. If he freaked after only 1 1/2 months then be thankful you haven't invested years or had a kid with him.
2006-09-12 12:12:22 · answer #5 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens all of the time. All you can do, is talk to him, make him feel comfort in what you two have together. If hes scared to commit, maybe try to slow things down... see where it goes from there. Im personally scared of commitment myself, this is what keeps me around. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-09-12 12:14:35 · answer #6 · answered by misskaykai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the way i see it is he needs to fell secure with you and i know what he is going throw i am the same scare if being let down all is life. and then you meet someone and you get on like a house on fire and things get to much and the easy thing to is to run away. you just need to let him know that you are not going any were and you are going to be there for any ups and downs he is going to go throw and you are not going to let him down.
2006-09-12 12:21:42 · answer #7 · answered by moz2befree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I knew my fiance has just dumped me after 7 yrs together as he no longer wants a commitment.
It's a man thing
2006-09-12 12:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by DippyGirl78 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is just the way he feels right now. He'll get over it sooner or later. He may go thru another 100 girls before he does. When he finds the right one, he'll stay with them.
Who knows, maybe its you!
2006-09-12 12:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by ~~ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want to sacrifice your life for someone other than yourself then go join an organization that needs people like you.this guy comes from unstability and is unstable and you are not qualified to help bring him around.take your enabling personality and go help some kids who need you.
2006-09-12 12:14:59 · answer #10 · answered by punkin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG that is insecure. what a feeble excuse. has he said he loves you ??
If he has then he should stick with you and work at it. not dump you. Not being nasty but it seems there is more to it than that. may be you just weren't his type.
2006-09-12 12:17:39 · answer #11 · answered by 90210 aka Hummer Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋