If you are in a horrible situation why should the kids suffer. I read all the time I should leave but for my kids. LEAVE. The kids would be better off in a healthy environment. I am glad my father and mother divorced ,alot less yelling. If the men and women are cheating or abusing what are the kids getting out of it.
2006-09-12 05:07:45 · 24 answers · asked by Raineybaby 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all the responses. When it comes to kids people should man up and take care of their situation.
2006-09-12 05:20:02 · update #1
I agree. I left my abusive relationship FOR my kids! I could not stay and lead them to believe that their father's behavior was acceptable. They are now in a good home where people talk about our problems instead of yelling and fighting. :)
Leave for the kids - don't stay for the kids!!!!!!!
2006-09-12 05:20:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, it's all about being very selfish. Most homes where there is abuse taking place are either drug or alcohol induced. Rather than get help for the root of the problem, both men and women would rather separate and divorce, blaming one another for the problems.
It's true, kids do suffer. But few stop suffering after the divorce. Mommy often using the kids to get pity, support and other social advantages. Often Mommy is busy on the computer, playing games or enjoy 'cyber' to refill the void she is experiencing being single again. And if she is working, the kids are shuffled here and there to strangers. The kids rarely get bathed, forget about new clothing or toys.
Divorce sucks big time! It's not the answer to all problems! My advice for families suffering from dysfunctional problems is get into therapy! Of course, if someones life is in danger, by all means get out of the situation. But if it's because of a few broken dishes, yelling and acting out do to alcohol use or drug use get some counseling. If you don't, either way you're going to loose and so will the kids. Get honest and Get sobriety!
Another problem is the lack of reality in the couple's lives. They think their marriage should always be like a hot steamy romance novel. This is so imature to think like this! If you have children, step up to the plate and take the responsibility of raising them. Both parents should do this. And if you are thinking of getting married, don't have kids for the first 5 years. It's easier then trying to get out of a situation you had fantasies about without kids.
2006-09-12 12:25:21 · answer #2 · answered by Chew on this! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People s tay for the kids because they feel like they should have a father and a mother and not just a father, or not just a mother. But what some people are not realizing is that you can still have both your parents even though they are not living in the same household as them... They feel as though things will never wbe the same is they leave. And they are right things wont be the same, but you dont have to make leaving a big huge thing. If you decide to leave for watever the reason may be....come back just to see your child or you children because Children really do need their father and their mother in their life, because there are things that a father may know that a mother may not know and a mother may know but not a father. So you can leave if that is what need to be done...but come back for the children!
2006-09-12 12:15:04 · answer #3 · answered by maggette8553 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the abuse is not in front of the kids. And sometimes if you have few little ones its easier for the parent to stay to make sure the kids have enough food and a roof over there heads. Divorce is not something that happens over night. But if the environment is not healthy NO one should be left in it. Every situation is different, no one can answer why someone else stays.
2006-09-12 12:13:25 · answer #4 · answered by blwatson41 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF there is no abuse, people should stay for the children. Children in intact homes do better in all aspects of life. Stress is caused by divorce. Kids act out at school and in peer settings when situations at home are stressful.
Abuse is the one situation that is a caveat here. Kids should not have to witness domestic violence. If people are that incompatible they should not have had children to begin with. That said the best avenue then is separation and visitation and joint parenting.
Drugs and Alcohol have dramatic effects on family situations. the non-drug or non-drinking spouse tend to have to parent the partner as well as the children. It throws all familiar roles out the window.
Children need both parents to act as parents and not adversaries in front of the children, nor should divorced parent have the children act as intermediaries EVER!!
2006-09-12 12:14:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I could not agree with you more! Both my best friend and my sister are in shitty relationships and in both situations there are children involved plus my best friend is pregnant, again. All the parties in these relationships have cheated (the baby may not be her husband's) and there is physical abuse. I have tried to help them both, but they stay or go back. I've found out first hand, that even when the cops tell ya the state will pick up battery charges even if you drop them...It's not true! He gets away with beating the **** outta her. I love them both so much, but OMG how incredibly stupid can people be? DON'T LIKE THE HEAT, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THE FIRE! It makes sense to me, why not them? I don't get it!
2006-09-12 12:15:51 · answer #6 · answered by Krissy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because people tend to want to hold on to old family values rather than get away from allt he yelling and abuse. They dont undrestand how this affects the children and only think that their child needs their blood "mommy and daddy" instead of a real caring family that might not be blood related.
Also people should stop with their old values and consider maybe NOT having children.
2006-09-12 12:10:41 · answer #7 · answered by Triskelion 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is better for the kids to not be in a stressful environment. Staying for the "sake of the children" is a cop-out.
2006-09-12 12:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They are not getting anything good out of it, but they are being programed to act this way later in life. Kids are impressionalble, get them out of a bad situation.
2006-09-12 12:22:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Agreed. My folks stayed together and it was bad, bad, bad. Very abusive, very scary most of the time. I have blocked out a lot of my childhood from my memories. It would have been better if my mom had gotten re-married to someone that truly loved her.
2006-09-12 12:11:26 · answer #10 · answered by John 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋