is marriage really that important?

Question

why do people see it as so important to get married?
i am trying for a baby with my partner and have had different reactions mostly good but some people just say but your not married.
me and my boyfrined live together, love and trust each other completely. as far as i can see a wedding is a lot of money for a party and a piece of paper. why does us not being married bother people? neither of us are religious and as far as i can see (and divorce rates aggree) just cos ur married it doesnt mean ur more likely to stay together forever.
your views please!

Answer 1

To each its own .. if you two don't want marriage then that is fine to. For me, I love being married and couldn't imagine not having that union

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 2

I am married. 32 years. We dated, starting age 16. Got married right out of high school. Age 18.

It is like this; life is VERY LONG. And being alone all those years can be awful.

If you are married to someone, then you have a commitment, an obligation, etc. to the other person. It makes leaving, cheating, etc. a bit more difficult. Because the offender will loose, a LOT!

And it works very well at tax time! We did not spend hardly any money when we got married. Both did not even have a job yet when we got married.

Marriage works when the couple MAKE IT WORK. It is not easy. But it does work out better for both of you when you get married and stay married forever. The good days will be more than the bad days, as we have found out.

And YES, there WILL BE BAD DAYS. But at least they are few, and far between.

Hope this helps. Much happiness with your relationship.

PS If you cannot have a child. As we could not, consider adoption. Our adopted son is now 15 and he is our life!

Answer 3

If you treat marriage like a business agreement, then your goal is to make a profit; there is something between both parties which offers enough growth that it makes sense to merge. When you can no longer profit from the agreement, it is severed, and both parties separate.

That would mean you get married several times in your life, and get divorced several times. Based on the legality of marriage and divorce, you would spend a lot of money on your business, and never reap a profit.

Marriage to me which represents a commitment between two parties- a commitment which indicates they will stay in business forever.

Think about this- if you were the head of a company and another company offered to merge with you- giving you great financial gain and whatever else comes with the merger, the only stipulation being that you have to stay as a "Co-President" of the company forever, would you take that offer blindly?

Or would you do extensive research to find out everything you can about the other company, and make certain not only that they are what you want, but that they (this is the most overlooked part) are capable of growing in the same direction you're headed with your company? It is the future compatibilty of the two companies which determines their success rate.

Also consider that during the merger, for the new company to succeed, they must effectively communicate how each division is functioning, and identify what departments need help. Then they mutually find ways to keep things going. The same is true with marriage (or any relationship, for that matter) if you don't communicate and work as a team, then the team doesn't win anything.

It seems most couples aren't thinking about future growth- sure, they think about raising a family and buying a house in 10 years, etc, but they don't seem to consider whether or not their potential spouse is capable of change and adaptation, and they don't seem to consider whether they themselves are capable for change.

All of this "research" is called "dating". Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like people do enough research these days, which of course cheapens the whole idea of marriage.

To answer your question, I think marriage is wonderful. However, marriage is like a tattoo- it's forever. So before you get one, think about how it will look 40 years from now.

Answer 4

Why not get married. Being married is more than a piece of paper. And there are many ways to get married cheap. Marriage is a way of showing commitment. It is to build a family. Living together is no way of showing anything. And yes you may stay together but then again where is the bond? If you want a child do it the right way. There are too many kids out there in a one partent home. If you think you will be together for ever prove it get the piece of paper.

Answer 5

I hear you. When our life expectancy was 56 and we were on remote farms taming the country and living the dream -- a life long contract made a lot of sense and was supported by religious ideals.

Today? I think without children a five year contract would work. When with kids, a renewable 18 year contract for each new kid.

We have to have some agreement that one won't just walk away. A commitment that is verbal only works when dating and implies a "walk away clause" because you are dating.

Our current marriage system is archaic and does not reflect our society at all. However, it's the only one we have!

Answer 6

you are right, but marriage is a public declaration. There is some importance in institutions, although they can seem just formalities, but they're not.
Moreover, it could be better for your future children to have married parents.
And the party is not just a exterior thing, it's also the way to involve all people you know and love, and say: "we love each other and we will care of each other. Consider us as a new family. Let's celebrate together!"
Moreover, it could be better for your future children to have married parents, in many ways.
Anyway, if you think formal statements would affect your relationship, or that your love is not mature enough, don't get married then.
Again, it's normal that some people query that you are not married. People want well defined things.

good luck! :)

Answer 7

I agree, it's nothing but a complete waste of time and money. Far too much value is placed on a simple fifteen minute ceremony which is really all that's separating you from any other couple- a ceremony.
You not being married doesn't bother me in the slightest bit.

I too, fail to understand how even religious people can base their morals on something so trivial. Apparently the message is really that simple- if you just go through the ceremony it's suddenly all ok.

Answer 8

I almost wished you hadn't told anyone about your plans to conceive. People can be such downers. They are so quick to judge others and act so righteous. I think that marriage isn't for everyone. If it's not for you, then, it's not for you. Maybe one of these days you'll want to, and you'll have that choice. It's better than getting married now and only having the choices of being stuck there or divorce.
BTW, I am married. My husband and I haven't had children and may not want any. And oh, boy do people give us hell for that! They say it's stupid to get married and not start a family. So..............my point is, do what's right for you and not some people.

Answer 9

Personally, marriage is a sacred thing! I do think you're reacting like this because you (people in general) are deviating from religion. Why you're not religious! Marriage is useless if you don't believe in God. Why all these people are suffering and divorce rates are increasing tremendously? This is is the matter of "seculirisation"!!!
Why dou you look at others and make your conclusions? Do you live for the society? Would you like people to control your little? You may answer "NO" but I say that people are really and daily controlling your life because in your question you refer to OTHERS' ways of doing. Look upon yourself. What's your conviction??? Is Jesus really meaningful to you.... God's plan is great and you must ONLY open your heart and let him fill your life!!! Remember, trsust God and yourself, even NOT your boyfriend...
What happen if he leaves you alone later with your baby? Why he may do it? Because he does not have "repères" in his life. Jesus is the SOURCE. Once you comprehend that, you'll know what's the importance of marriage and beyond that, what is the importance to LOVE and how to LOVE that special person similar to your way of thinking and living...
Take care.

Answer 10

I believe that if you are married you are much more likely to stay together forever.

You have a bond that is harder to break when times get tough. And they do get tough, especially with the pressures of having a family in this world.

I suppose if you are not spiritual, it would not be as important, but Marriage and Family are the cornerstones of our country. To Christians, it is a Sacrament from God, and a very beautiful thing.

Peace!