The other day I had an argument with my husband. He asked why don't I pick up a wet towel off the floor. I asked him why he couldn't do it, and why do I always have to do everything. I throw out the trash, do dishes, cook, do laundry, drive kids to school, etc. I just didn't see why he could'nt do it. He said " I've done nothing but pay your way". That really effected me like a slap in the face, not to mention it hurt. I never felt this marriage as being 50/50. He feels he makes the money, he has more say in everything. It's like I'm there for a free ride and it's not suppose to feel that way, being that I can't work because I had two of his kids to take care of. He makes me feel little all the time. I just wanted to know if you would have gotten upset or angry??? I've told him how upset I was by that and he doesn't apologize, he just justifies what he says by saying I started it... Only serious answers please.......
2006-09-12 03:10:29 · 27 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what century are you living in Tee. Because if you really believe that woman should love honor and obey, I feel sorry for you!!!! Love honor and obey went out back in the days!!!!!!
2006-09-12 03:36:26 · update #1
No my husband isn't hispanic. I'm Puerto Rican and he Irish, for the one who asked if my husband is hispanic as well.
2006-09-14 13:40:03 · update #2
Most men feel the same way,they make the money so they shouldn't have to do things around the house and what they say goes.I would be upset to if my husband ever said something like that to me.There has been time through my marriage when I work there has been times when I haven't because child care cost to much or what ever,I would just tell him you work hard and even though you don't get a paycheck you do your part.And most likely this will pass he might have just been having a bad day,sometimes things that happens at work,gets brought home and taken out on the wife.I have always said I work hard for my husbands paycheck,And I do.
2006-09-12 03:22:44 · answer #1 · answered by mytifine_01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's perfectly reasonable to make a living by being a stay at home wife or mother. It sounds to me like managment isn't appreciating what you do. I have a job but I don't work much and I am writing full time but I don't get paid for that. The amount of criticism I get outside of the home is enough. Once, my man tried to pull the 'I pay your way card'. He never pulled that again. You're definately NOT getting a free ride, I know, trust me. I pull my slack around the house. I do everything right down to picking up after him, without complaining. I ask for help to make supper or do the dishes on weekends sometimes but that is it. If, he ever told me I wasn't doing something I would be enraged. Calmly point out the injustice. Do you nag him to pick up stuff, or do you just do it for him? If not, mention this. Explain how hard it is to rely on him and be underappreciated. If you feel there is no hope through talking it out, apply for jobs. Get a job, just to regain your independance and show him you're not out for a free ride. When my boyfriend did that, I reminded him it's my house. I care for it, I decorate it, I keep it a home. I also reminded him that if I ere his damn housekeeper, he'd be paying me a lot more than a coffee and a movie now and then. Don't get down on yourself. You do good work, and he should appreciate you.
2006-09-12 03:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by KeM 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a partnership and each person should make their own contribution to make it work. That's not to say that because your husband works and brings in the wage that keeps a roof over your head, he doesn't have to do anything - he does, and picking up wet towels, dirty laundry, newspapers and garbage isn't exactly manual labour like breaking rocks!
He should make more of a contribution at home - just a few odd jobs like taking the garbage out, clearing the dishes, tidying the kids' rooms etc - as this will help you and make the atmosphere so much brighter.
Now I must go to tell my wife to clean up after the dog! pmsl
2006-09-12 03:24:14 · answer #3 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you pretend like you now are going to go work in order to contribute. Say that you feel bad about not contributing financially and have decided to work. Just go along with it and see what he says.
Call the daycares up and get prices and then according to waht your qualifications are just make up some position that you read in the paper was available and say you are filling out an application. Then you have to say you need to talk about the division of housework once you get the job. Now that you both will be working you will be equals, go ahead and make a chart - on it you write, Monday, wednesday, Fri, he makes dinner. Every other sunday he does the grocery shopping. Oh and the laundry he does it every other Sunday too. (mention, oh unfortunatly the weekends will be shot because now housework must be done on weekends).
I would encourage strongly just totally go along with it and come up with numbers in the end, I know when I was working after daycare for one kid I was only bringing home like $500 and our lives were falling apart because the house was a mess, no time to do anything anymore. Oh yea and the commuting costs and having to get the kids' lunches ready and having to buy lunch myself or make it, it became totally not worth it.
Act like you are really for it and he's made you realize that you could use a break from the housework and the kids anyway and at the same time contribute financially. Even if you end up making onyl $300 after everything, just sound excited and be like "what do you think honey??"
I know it sounds like a lot of work and it is going to take some acting on your part, but either you open his eyes to the actual negatives to you working and the positives to you staying with the kids and keeping up the house or you continue to fight and fight for years to come.
2006-09-12 03:26:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1- you should have slap him back, I am sure you could have say something that would have hurt him as much
he is just been stupid,
are these his children from a previous relationship if so tell him to make arrange to have them taken care of
No your marriage have not been 50/50 it has been 75/25 and you are the one putting the 75 the JERK is putting 25 and think that it is enought
well you need to say that it is not
so get your self out of this house and get a job
that way you will financially secure
and if he don't like say tough
you can give him 2 choices either you work and he take care part of the house work or you dont' work outside the house but he still clean up after himself and you also get a salery from him
but whatever you do you get a salery (and put something in bank account just for you)
Because girl ,Jerk like that you don't know when you might need the money
2006-09-12 03:29:43 · answer #5 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would I be upset??? Hell, I get upset when my husband leaves his dirty socks on the living room floor. You need to CALMLY talk to your husband about your marriage being a partnership...
If you want to be a full-time housewife make sure you take time for yourself. If your kids are in school they are old enough to have simple chores around the house...mine do one a week.
One week dishes (dinner), one week trash, and one week dog care. It won't hurt them and it will teach them that there is work in being part of a family as well as responsibility. Can your kids take the bus to school? Or can you car pool with another mom? Lighten up your load honey...and bank some of that money that he "pays your way" with in an account in your name only. And if he has more "say" in things then he should handle more things. It sounds as though you married an old school male chauvinist that needs to be dragged into the 21st century. Good luck.
2006-09-12 03:33:24 · answer #6 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems you have a seriously different way of seeing your roles. He's a bit of a "traditional", in that the man makes the money and is the boss. Where he deviates is in being rude about it. Here you are staying home, taking care of your (his) kids, and you're not being appreciated because you don't bring in any money. Well, there's a way to change that: tell him you don't like the feeling of being the second-class person in the house because you don't bring in any money. Discuss with him your need to feel whole, to feel appreciated, and then tell him you're going to start looking for a job, since that's what you feel will get him to respect you. He could get mad about it, or scared, or even agree that it will make him happy. If he's angry about it, just tell him it's all about respect. You've come to understand that's the only way he'll respect you. And if he's angry about you not taking care of the kids, tell him with the additional income, perhaps you'll be able to afford outside help. The thing is, your self-respect is important. You need to be a whole person, and you obviously can't be with him putting you down this way. Marriage should be a partnership between consenting, mature adults. It should be a sharing of and agreement about goals. You need to make some changes in order to find a way to give your marriage a chance, for both of you. I hope you find the way!
2006-09-12 03:22:08 · answer #7 · answered by Mary C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl I feel you 100%. Me and my husband were a lot like that. He makes 3 times what I make so I always felt like our marriage was not 50/50. I did all the cooking, laundry, dishes, even have to clean the toilet which I hate. And I felt like my husband took it all for granted. One day we got in to a big argument over taken out the trash, I asked him to take it out and never did so I eventually took it out. The next day when I came home from work I went straight to the bedroom. I did not say anything to him, He finally came in the room and asked what was for dinner. I told him I would get around to it. I never did, He had to fix himself a sandwich, he was so shocked. I did not clean up or wash towels or anything. I just laid in bed and watch TV. He keep asking what was wrong with me. I told him look around see all the towels in the hamper, they need washing. He mouth feel to the floor. He did not know what to say or what made me so upset. That night when he came to bed, he again asked me what was wrong, I told him I was not going to do anything around the house anymore because he took care of everything eles he could take care of the house work too. Needless to say he did not believe me, so the next day I did the same thing. He was so mad at me he washed the towels. I was smiling so big when he came to bed that night. He said he was sorry for not doing more around the house, now we take turn doing things, It might sound childish but it works for us, I still cook every night because honestly I would rather eat dirt then some of his dinners, but he now loads the dishwasher and he has started washing his on cloths and we take turn with the sweaping, bath room cleaning, and things like that. Maybe you could suggest that to your husband and if he want listen just stop doing things like I did, See what he thinks about that. Hope this can help you in some kind of way. Hang in there, If you really loves you he will adventually listen.
2006-09-12 04:28:24 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda Leigh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are a stay home mom. So is my wife. She complains that she does so much, cook, clean and take care of our two kids and sometimes even takes the garbage out because i forget to. I know how much she does and I appriciate it. but she always says..that she feels like a maid ..doing things for everyone 24/7 and i don;t look at it that way. I guess staying home with kids is a hard job because you don't get your own time.
Anyway, in your issue ...your husband should have picked that wet towel up for once. He seems too bossy. I think maybe you should not do his laundry and don't take the garbage out. That job should be his. Those are my jobs. My wife won't wash my clothes anymore because she says she has to do her own, and my two daughters, that's fair i think.
2006-09-12 03:17:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you feel that way but I agree with your husband....
I'm a married woman my husbnd works and of course make 5x times the amount that I do... However,I have 4 kids and I still work, coook, iron, wash, clean, and pick up the dirty towel.....
I have no problem with that what so ever... No you using having 2 kids to take care of is the reason why you are not working that is a poor excuse honey.... that should be all of the more reason you should be working....
I dont blame your husband at all.. If he is paying all the bills and making sure there is food, etc why not do the woman rule and take care of the house... Maybe you should read a bible and find out what a woman is suppose to do....
I agree with him 100% he is the King and you are the Queen play your Queen role and do as he say after all he is your husband.... You promised to love and obey he promised to love and provide
Good Luck
2006-09-12 03:32:01 · answer #10 · answered by Tee 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋