ok so heres the deal.....my hubby said that he is tired of having to buy me all my stuff (clothes,makeup,ect)..but yet he dosent want me working.......so what does marriage really mean? he says that his money isnt mine...that since HE works for it ..it is HIS. i thikn he is wrong and marriage is about sharing.
2006-09-12 03:10:24 · 15 answers · asked by danielle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He IS wrong, and if he keeps that crap up, he needs a good kick in the pants, lol. Marriage is about sharing EVERYTHING equally. It just does not work they way he's saying it does......and he's going to have to realize that if your marriage is going to work, don't cave in!
2006-09-12 03:13:25 · answer #1 · answered by freyas_kin28 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, then let him cook,clean do the wash and all the bonus stuff you do then...It's 50/50 .I don't work ....But, I went to see my daughter for 2 weeks ..And every thing went to hell in a hand bag while I was gone lol..lol...And I even laid out cloths,food,bills stamped ready to go etc.I do far more than he ever thought ...He has a new respect for all that I do since my trip...Oh ! And what about when they are SICK ? Hospital staff wouldn't put up with the grief he gives me BIG BABY ! We are a team ...I give a 100% on every thing I do.And I know he works hard that's why I don't mind. We do sit down and talk about money I tell him what I think is best for us as a whole...And as a woman I have needs make-up etc. But, I also shop for him and his needs ...I don't want him looking like a hobo...I love and respect him ..All I ask for is the same in return...And if by some chance we divorced I would be fair I know what I have put into this marriage.... Knock on wood that never happens...I don't know if I answer your question or got some stuff off my chest..I guess both,,I hope this has help ya in some small way. Stand your ground girl... Your his beautiful loving wife & he should act like it....Thanks <:3 }~
2006-09-12 10:36:33 · answer #2 · answered by pitterpatter47 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are supposed to love each other through richer and poor. There are no specifics about who's money belongs to whom...
I suggest you get an allowance so that you have your very own spending money that you can spend however you wish, whether it is $20 a week or $200 a week. Finances is the top reason for divorce, don't get sucked into the divorce rate. If he doesn't want to buy your stuff, how does he expect you to buy clothes and essentials if you don't have a job?
Here is the definition of marriage, in case you forgot:
A marriage is a relationship between or among individuals, usually recognized by civil authority and/or bound by the religious beliefs of the participants. The fact that marriage often has the dual nature of a binding legal contract plus a moral promise, can make it difficult to characterize.
In Western societies, marriage has traditionally been understood as a monogamous union, while in other parts of the world polygamy has been a common form of marriage. Usually this has taken the form of polygyny (a man having several wives) but a very few societies have permitted polyandry (a woman having several husbands).
2006-09-12 10:14:59 · answer #3 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My man thought it was going to be that way too! NOT! The truth is everything IS 50/50, additionally if he wants you home then sure but let him know as a WOMAN you need to have certain items and can't live as minimally as men can. When he decided that he wanted you to stay home rather than work then he should have been made aware that by you staying how you were expecting that he would maintain the finances of the marriage including the life style in which you were accustomed to prior to this given that you are after all sacrificing part of yourself to compromise in the accommodation of him and the well being of you all's children! Let him know you have the ability to obtain employment and not to think that he is in anyway doing you a favor! Of coarse when I say life style your accustomed to I do mean in moderate living! I was a stay at home mom that has just returned to the work force my daughter is now 1 year old and I went through this with my "man" ;-) and I told him point blank after I was tired of his mouth, you can either pay for a nanny, maid, and daycare or you can shut up and be glade you have a woman who's faithful, lives moderately, and takes care of the home and family. I also told him if you can do better then Do It and I will shake the hand of the woman who does! Good Luck, and let him know !
2006-09-12 10:39:21 · answer #4 · answered by souljagirpart2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spell-check, honey!
Depends on what state you live in what the legal part is. Most states are community-property states. That means you are a team, and any money coming in belongs to both-equally.Sometimes, if you inherit money-it belongs to JUST you.
Go to the library and ask the librarian to help you. Call a women's shelter or a local college-they will know.
Now, as for your relationship, you are living with a fossil. No matter what the state laws are, you are a team, from your vows. If your husband doesn't treat you like a full partner in your own marriage, then are you content to be his maid? To live his life instead of your own? That's what you are doing.
If you have kids with this idiot, you are teaching them that women don't matter, that men are bullies who get to do what they want. You are teaching them that life is painful, mean, and lopsided, and that there is no hope for their equality, unless they stay single.
Next time he says it is HIS money, tell him he works outside the home, but you BOTH EARN IT! Tell him you want to get a part-time job so you can have YOUR money. You shouldn't be in a position to have to beg for tampon money or to buy a new sweater if you feel like it.
Every decision in the marriage is yours and his-together-where to live, which coffee table to buy, whether or not to plant roses, and what to do when junior knocks up the neighbor.
If you are not a full-partner, get out now. It will only get worse.
If you lay around the house, watching TV all day and don't contribute one bit to the relationship-you are still entitled to better treatment and half the goodies.
BUT get off your duff, and get an education or a skill so you can dump that guy and get someone who wlll treat you right. Your husband would probably not like it one bit, since you would be preparing for your own life, and he might have to treat you better to keep you.
Do it anyway. This is your one shot at life-don't waste it out of fear or timidity, or being bullied. Take your life in your own hands and go. Don't be a victim.
Don't let him get away with that treatment of you. It isn't een GOOD for HIM. No man is a king in this country.
If he continues, after you have explained your view, GIVE IN long enough to very quietly go to the bank and take out 1/2 the money. Call him from a hotel in the next state over, or a women's shelter and tell him bye-bye.
Do NOT go back to him no matter what he says or does. It will start all over again.
2006-09-12 10:53:28 · answer #5 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is 50/50. You've 'joined together' in marriage and by law, what you two have is considered communal property owned by the both of you equally. First off, he's not your daddy. If you want to get a job, get one! I think having your own money will give you more security. It sucks to depend on someone that really is not willing to share.
2006-09-12 10:13:17 · answer #6 · answered by sashimitwist 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want you to go to work, then he should pay for everything in the home including your clothes and food - after all, I guess he pays the gas and electricity bills (and you use half of the fuel!)
Maybe you could reach a compromise by getting a part-time job so you can earn money for your own clothes and then he can save the extra bit he has to pay for a nice vacation?
2006-09-12 10:12:48 · answer #7 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So get a job! This will solve all problems. Why doesn't he want you to work? Why wouldn't he like the extra income coming in? That sounds weird; perhaps he has huge insecurities about you possibly being around other men, and if that's the case - that doesn't sound good. I believe when you are married to someone you make compromises, sacrifices and you share - but if in fact you were to get divorced, I think people should not try to take from their mate - they should just accept reality and move on. Now go get that job so you can afford to buy your own stuff.
2006-09-12 10:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
OMG... my husband is the same! It's not 50/50 in this marriage at all, and just because i'm home with the kids and he works, he thinks the money is his and I don't have a say in anything, and I'm starting to get fed up. I'm thinking about putting my daughter in day care, so I can get my own job and make my own money. I'm seriously thinking of divorce. I wish I can give you advice, but i'm practically in the same boat myself.
2006-09-12 10:14:49 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is about sharing. However, he feels he earns all the money to help the both of you get by. Why not focus on what you need right now and not what you want. If you want to buy stuff, get a part time job.
2006-09-12 10:12:50 · answer #10 · answered by quack 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋