I have been with my girl friend for 3 years now. In the beggining of the realtionship I was not the best to her and I had hit her and was a real d i c k. I haven't done this in over 2 years and things have been great since she has changed my life. Recently her mom was involved in an abusive relationship that led to police and stalking. It made my girl friend scared and now she says she can't be with me and take a chance of it ever happening again. I am not mad at her and I respect her descision however I want to be with her and I want her to know thats not the kind of person I am anymore. We are still best friends just not in a relationship right now. I want to know if there is anything I can do to help her with her fear and to let her know I will never do that again. I don't know about counseling and where to go and whether I should go alone or we could go together. I was thinking I could go first and then she could come later on or something like that. Please any help.
2006-09-12 03:07:50 · 8 answers · asked by jsnpasty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First of all its very scary to even think about being with an abusive man,,and the thought of being with one that has a past record of abuse is even harder. She will always wonder if she will do some thing to spark those tendencies in you, she will always worry if shes going to turn a corner and your fist will be out ready to punch her.You are going to have to prove yourself to her, counseling and therapy for a long time..You definitely need to go on your own for awhile, you need to find out what made you do that and what made you stop being abusive.is something going to spark that thought in your head again.If you want to go to therapy for her then it will never work,you have to do it for your self, i have seen abusive men change to none abusive men so yes its quit possible to never hit a women again..I have also know women who was abuse to catch her abuser off guard and bet the hell out of them with bats or what every she could get a hold of..so if you plain on abusing women in the future then you better think about that..you will one day come across a women who wont stand by and let you bet her, she will fight back..so please go to therapy for you. if she see that you are making a change for your self and your future then she will more then likely come back..on the grounds that you never hit her again..
2006-09-12 03:20:10 · answer #1 · answered by bllnickie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First off, I can tell just from reading this that you are sorry for what happened in the past, and that she has truly changed your life. I know it is hard to stay by her side and not be with her, but that is the best thing you can do right now. The fact that you have decided to respect her feelings about all of this, especially while she is so confused, will mean more than anything else to her in the end. Remain by her side and always be there. The best part of a relationship is the friendship and if you still have that, as far as I am concerned your still golden. She will figure out what she wants soon enough. Not many people in this world have enough strength to change their true character and become a better person but you are well on your way. Congratulations on your accomplishments so far and all the future ones still to come.
2006-09-12 10:20:26 · answer #2 · answered by OnE GiRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the counselor alone. Then, ask her if she would like to join you for a session or two or three. Don't push. No is no and you may have to let her go. And I know that will hurt. But truly, it has been my experience that if it is meant to be it will be. And maybe she was put into your life to help you grow and it is time to move on. It is not for us to know all the time. I know this sounds kinda mystic and full of bull, but have faith. In the long run it will all work out and we are never given more than we can handle.
2006-09-12 10:15:28 · answer #3 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Couples counseling may do you both some good since she has unresolved issues about your past behavior. A couples counselor may refer you to a batterers program if he/she feels that you should go. There are family service centers in most areas that provide counseling on a sliding scale if you don't have heatlh insurance. There are also programs for batterers which I believe are free of charge, but you go to those alone as far as I know.
Either way, it's your best bet.
2006-09-12 10:13:12 · answer #4 · answered by Avid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i respect the way you feel and i,m glad you regonize you had abussive issues in the past and you are going the right direction to seek for help and try to over come your girlfriends fear hopefully with intime you might get back together but i totally understand her fear with her mothers crisis and your past history just worriewd that you might back fire maybe counsoling will help you both i think you should go first since you had the problem then sugguest that your girlfriend to go and see where things go from there on if not just remember you will still remain good friends .
2006-09-12 10:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by theodore r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing is to give her some time and space to think things thru and see that you are a changed person. I commend you for wanting this to work and for wanting to be a better person. Counseling would be a wonderful thing and even better if she could share in that with you. It would speak volumes to her to know that this is something you are willing to change about yourself. Good luck!
2006-09-12 10:11:05 · answer #6 · answered by sashimitwist 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would like to commemorate u on your changed ways. go to counc. first and then ask her to come along, as a friend. u want her to understand how important this is for u NOT HER. this is something u have to control now and u want to make it clear u rn't changing for her your changing for yourself.
2006-09-12 10:23:36 · answer #7 · answered by crazyoverhee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe someone should forward this to her...that way she really know you mean it:)
2006-09-12 10:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋