mom's bills also ( she has a drug problem). Last month her Electricity got cut off so he had to pay two-hundred dollars to get them turned back on, so I had to pay most of our rent because he had to her electricity turned back on!! I am pissed because I feel that he should discuss things with me before he does it. And also that he doesnt need to keep paying his moms bills everytime she smokes up her money. I told him that she has to learn a lesson and if he continues to keep running behind her and paying for her mistakes she will never learn!! Suggestions please!!
2006-09-12 02:26:12 · 12 answers · asked by Aprilshowers 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It doesn't matter if this question is answered by a male or female. The point here is...What you see is what you get. You will not be able to change his behavior or the choice he's makinig to support his mother. On his own he'll need to see for himself that what he's doing is wrong. Supporting his mother's drug habit is definitely a clear indication that a co-dependant relationship is flourishing. Perhaps he feels the guilt and responsiblity of taking care of his mother... well, she's his mother. This feeling is very misplaced and unhealthy under these circumstances. He is supporting her for all the wrong reasons.
If you're not able to accept and live with the absolute worse part /thing about your fiance...(really think about what that is) then you need to move on.. with a quickness. Becasue marriage "is" for better or for worse... like it or not.
Ask yourself this question. "If he never changes on this matter.. is this something I'm willing to live with as his wife for the rest of my life?" Chances are he may never back down from supporting her. Even if she changes her pot smoking ways (or whatever she's on)... There might be some other time when she tries to milk him for money/support or payment of her bills because she's mismanaging her money for a completely different reason... Then what will you do?
Maybe you need really invest in marriage counseling prior to taking this very serious step. He could also benefit from counseling because it could help him discover why he feels the need to contribute to the decline of his mothers life (both physically and spiritually) all the while thinking he's doing something good for her.
REALLY consider what you're about to get into or you'll truly regret it if you don't.... TRUST!
2006-09-12 02:43:03 · answer #1 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you angry with him?
- He's good to his mother, who you think is unworthy of being nice to because she isn't perfect. Usually how someone treats his mother is an indication of how he'll treat his wife.
- Chances are this is a pre-existing debt (he was paying for her before he met you) so this isn't something "new" he would have had to discuss with you.
- Marriages are a meeting of equals. If he contributes most of the money, what do you contribute that gives you an equal say in how it's spent? Remember. You're not married yet, and if you try to cut his mother out when you're not contributing an equal amount of effort to the relationship, you may be forcing him to chose between you and her. And a good boy will ALWAYS side with his mother over some girl he met later.
2006-09-12 09:41:08 · answer #2 · answered by cmriley1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Needless to say .. he pays the majority of the bill and until you two are married.. you really don't have any rights to his banking accounts. I would however suggest that you before you get married to create a financial plan together and agreement before any money is spent its agreed upon.
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-12 09:29:32 · answer #3 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I guess I can see your point in the matter.... If she didnt smoke it up, than it would be a diffrent story.....
But this is still his mom, and I am sure if your mother or father or brother or sister needed something than you would help them out..... you even said that he pays all of your bills..... he should discuss it with you first, but he didnt cause he probably knew what your reaction was going to be...... I think that you maybe should take a step back and realize what you got...A MAN........that is taking care of you, and your bills....... they dont come around everyday.....
2006-09-12 10:00:33 · answer #4 · answered by Kimmy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you and think that she needs to grow up but on the other hand i have been in his shoes with my dad it was the same thing he smoked his money away and then came begging for bill money eventually i cut him off and he tried to sue me. Be very careful but talk to your bf and tell him he is not helping he any by covering her mistakes she has to hit rick bottom before she will grow up. GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-12 09:33:03 · answer #5 · answered by ru2tipsy2c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His mom needs help. He should take her for therapy instead of just bailing her out all the time. Be supportive about this - you should be helping with the bills anyway! Understand that she is his mother and he cannot just turn his back on her.
2006-09-12 09:32:05 · answer #6 · answered by Sofia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of funny to hear that the son is more mature than the mom.I had the same problem with my boyfriend constantly getting his parent out of money situations and I finally put my foot down.I just told him We and Us needs to be his priority now and that we work very hard for our money to just spend it on someone elses bills.I can understand an emergency,sure we'll lend you money but don't start depending on my income!!!Ask him would she do the same for him?probably not--she doesn't have much.she can't even take care of her self.Do talk to your man
2006-09-12 09:35:29 · answer #7 · answered by Belanova 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is HIS mom. He's gonna help her the best he can. I agree she needs to learn a lesson, but he still loves her.
2006-09-12 09:28:41 · answer #8 · answered by angel2005_2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can't LEARN a lesson- she cantr only fall into being a crack whore. She needs rehab, desperately. If he doesnt accept that your relationship is in big trouble
2006-09-12 09:29:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you fell victim to the pipe, would you want him to give up on you? that is his mother and he didnt tell you cause he already know how you would respond. once you are married it is a family problem. its not like its his uncle or cousin. a man who would give up on his mother would definitely give up on his WIFE! it might not be you and some dope, but it might be a little shopping problem, some extra weight, some atttention...?
2006-09-12 09:49:38 · answer #10 · answered by SCHANEEKQUEAH GOTTI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋