My husband really hurt me... and on the outside it appears as if we talked and worked things out. But on the inside I still feel very bitter and hurt. I want to let this go, but I am having a lot of trouble doing so.
Is it really possible to just forgive and forget and move on? How does one do that?
I just don't feel like I have ever had the personality to let things go.
Is it possible for me to really get over this? I love my husband, but I just can't get over the hurt he has cause me. Am I fighting a lost cause?
2006-09-12 02:08:39 · 13 answers · asked by Legs 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh God no.. it was not physical.
2006-09-12 02:31:26 · update #1
I understand what you're talking about. There was a time when certain things that I will allow to be unknown here that I had to deal with in my marriage. It is hard to let go and move on. It took me nearly three years to somewhat completely get over it; however there are still days where I can't help but think about it. But I learned during this time that I was also aiding myself in not being able to get over it by not talking to my wife about how I felt.
I wanted to; however, everytime I tried the subject always turned very bitter (also caused by me).
What I done was finally put aside the emotions of anger and bitterness to sit back and talk. The talks themselves lasted for months but it has done our relationship a world of good.
Sure, I still have memories and I can still overwhelmed by them. The important thing is getting everything into the open and then being able to deal with the fact that the past is the past and the only thing we can change is the future by focusing on our present.
2006-09-12 02:14:26 · answer #1 · answered by Allan W 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know, I used to think so,that you could forgive and forget, but, now, I am not sure. I heard this song the other day, and it is so true. It said, "you know what they say, forgive and forget, re-live and regret". My husband did something really stupid a while ago, and I tried to forgive and forget. Now, he's done it again, so I guess I am in the re-live, and regret stage. It sucks. I love my husband, but I am not sure I will ever trust him again. And for some reason, he can never accept blame, he will try to turn it around like it was my fault. I don't get men, I really don't. I hope this helps you, or at least helps you understand what is going on. I want to forgive him, and trust him, and just love him, but he won't let me. I don't know what happened with your husband, but mine is always looking for greener pastures, so to speak. And maybe one day, he will find what he is looking for, but I have come to the sad realization, that it is not me. Lots of luck to you. Don't let him just do whatever, and leave you holding the bag.
2006-09-12 02:30:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It appears to who that everything is ok?..Did you 2 talk this over or not? A womans pain is a crazy thing in one conversation were fine 2 hrs later were not...men and women are different!!! A man can forgive and forget because hes not equipped with all the emotions us women are. I dont know him so I cant tell you if hes honest about it or not..I can tell you if you drag this around , your going to become more bitter. If he apologises and you still cant get over it..it may be a lost cause what more do you want him to do?? Men dont need to be reminded things are ok like us women do..take the apology and know its from his heart then live your life..its too damn short
2006-09-12 02:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you can forgive many things, but know one should expect that you would simply forget the hurt. Continued communication is the best remedy for this situation. Don't expect that things will be perfect overnight, take it one day at a time and give 100% and ask that he in turn gives 100%, if then things don't work you can at least say you have it your best.
2006-09-12 02:14:49 · answer #4 · answered by finished 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgive but NEVER forget. You have to do what's best for you. All that matters in the end is your happiness and if staying with him is going to continue to upset you, than maybe you need to look for other alternatives. Maybe spend a couple of days apart and see how that feels or something of that nature.
In the end it's really your decision and you have to do what's best for you or you'll never truly be happy
2006-09-12 02:12:13 · answer #5 · answered by bad_dog76 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if u chose to forgive thats one thing, but one never forgets when they've been truely hurt.. but if u chose to forgive then although u havent forgotten u need to put your best foot foward to not bring it up.. in further arguements.. and just like with most pains of the heart , they take time to heal.. so its a choice u have to make, is it something u can "FORGIVE" or is it a forgive with strings attached.. which is only a false forgiveness and u wont beable to keep it from eatting u up and destroying u and possibly ur relationship..
2006-09-12 02:14:48 · answer #6 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess that would depend on how your spouse hurt you. Was it something he said or did not say, was he cheating on you, etc. etc.
Some individuals can forgive and forget...it's called unconditional love. Maybe you should further discuss with your husband your feelings. It just might help.
2006-09-12 02:12:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just take it a day at a time. I have a hard time letting go, also. If you love your husband, try to make it work. Don't give up on it just because he hurt you. Hurt happens. Just take it day by day and you'll find later on that you have forgiven him.
2006-09-12 02:11:54 · answer #8 · answered by Jessie P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how u feel. and i am glad u said u still love him, forgive him unconditionally is totally necessarily and let him know how u feel ok.. give him time to repent and lets hope he will change for the better. it's not easy for him to do so thus u need to be patient. it's not easy to find someone let alone to marry someone u love, do pray if u are Christian and cheer up!
2006-09-12 02:21:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard to answer that question without knowing what or how he has hurt you, if it is physical, as in he abused you, then no, you cant forget or forgive him, you must leave the relationship, if its cheating on you, then its up to you as to weather you can feel you can trust him anymore, but without knowing what the hurt is its hard to give advice
2006-09-12 02:11:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋