Being in a relationship (3yrs)- and both me and my boyfriend going through diffcult times and stress but how do I keep my cool when he talks to me like Im some stranger or dog (thats when he is sober) and when he drinks a few beers and then he'll say anything to hurt me..like "kiss my *** and say goodbye"? I loose my temper so easily but that only makes it worse- I tried saying in calm soft tone "Sho you rough on me and you hurt me"-but that also doesnt work. Do I just accept that he is stres (me 2 for that matter) and that this will go away? Its not fun going home after work no more.
2006-09-12 01:04:46 · 17 answers · asked by Ocean 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
WTF, i will say this, what is happening here is not a relationship it is a losing battle for both you and him, ask him if he needs time with out you, and tell him that you think that you need time away from him, if he is talking mean to you, and drinking, and you are talking mean to him, and you dont feel that it is fun any more, why are you still there?? just in case it will get better, i will bet he feels resentment towards you and thats why he is acting like he is, why would you want to be with him, im sure at one point he loved you and you loved him, but when it becomes a nightmare to come home, and he is drinking, there is deeper issues here, you have to identify them and then fix it, so i suggest talking to him and asking him to leave or you leave, and tell him that you need to find your self again, and that he also has to find himself again, but also tell him that you dont want him to go sleeping with other women and that you wont be sleeping with other men, as it will only compicate things, as im sure you do love him and dont want to take him back with some STD.
good luck
2006-09-12 01:07:25 · answer #1 · answered by Dawn C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Drinking in any relationship spells trouble. If he gets drink and hurts you...leave, he is not worth it no matter that you say you love him. Let him see what it's like without you around. If he truly loves you he'll clean up his act. But, 9 times out of 10, the woman ends up severely injured or dead. I can see he is an abuser and you are the abused. In many domestic crimes, the woman is blind to this. She thinks if she loves him and stand bys him, he will stop being a jerk towards her. She's wrong. He'll end up killing her in a drunken rage.
I know you don't want to heard this. Most relationships like this are always volatile. I am in a relationship with my husband right now but it is a good, respectful one. He has never hit me nor ever cursed at me.
This will not go away. He wants to get drunk. You need to care for yourself better and leave, even if it means going back to your parents. That's your best choice, for your own safety.
2006-09-12 08:16:07 · answer #2 · answered by greylady 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That doesn't sound like stress-related arguments, but rather something more deep rooted and something that i'm willing to bet isn't going away.
If you haven't already sit him down and have a serious talk, if these things don't improve, then it's time you re-evaluate your being in that relationship for your own sake.
2006-09-12 08:08:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the real time for both of you to prove , how much you care for each other , specially during troubled times . If he adjust his way of behaving in days time , its OK to continue , other wise time to say bye and moves out .
2006-09-12 08:19:17 · answer #4 · answered by your noon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants control and power over your emotions. You can't control his behavior, but you can control your own. Stay neutral and in your emotional center. Say things like, I'm sorry you're upset, Thank you for your comment, Thank you for your (unsolicited) advice, Thank you for your opinion, Whatever you say,... This way, you are not taking sides but it stops the argument in its tracks. He is putting priority on power and control instead of love and compassion. You don't need that, and you don't need him. I would dump him.
2006-09-12 08:09:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's tough, it's a shame he can't hear himself and see what he's like. I DO NOT recommend taping him though as this could make him really angry. Try asking him why he says these things. I'm sure you can be strong enough to be calm.
2006-09-12 08:07:19 · answer #6 · answered by claire 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have advised to let go , but it`s 3 yrs , and it`s no short time , so , get back to your mutual experience storage , and get your treatment , it is existed between you both .. and if it is a real strong relation , you will get rid of your worry ... best wishes
2006-09-12 08:09:44 · answer #7 · answered by Ayman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this shows that he really dont care for you if he drink and shout on you tahts really very bad leave him as soon as you can otherwise after marriage you have to suffer alot then at that time how will you keep urself cool
2006-09-12 08:09:53 · answer #8 · answered by munmun 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you seriously need to move on, hard thing to do but life has alot of stresses and thats a taste of what it will be like for you!!!!!!
2006-09-12 08:07:31 · answer #9 · answered by babyblue 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why do people insist on staying in relationships that tear them down??why don't you just dump him?if you aren't treated with respect why in the he** would you stay?/you can't be in love with someone who treats you like shi* so what the he** is your problem???
2006-09-12 08:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by punkin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋