I've been married for 20 years. My husband and I don't seem to talk much anymore. We work all week long and on the weekends I'm so depressed I just want to stay in bed anymore. We don't seem to have anything in common. It seems when we had to struggle to survive when we were younger we were always strong together and now when life and things come a little easier we have nothing left. I feel so alone! Maybe to much time, life's strife and words have passed under the brige for us? And as sad as this make me I'm not sure I even care anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.
2006-09-09 22:35:58 · 20 answers · asked by Linda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm so sorry, Linda. I think you should implement a date night, and find a hobby the two of you can enjoy together. See if there's still something there to build on. And you know, Linda, if you're really that unhappy, there is life after marriage if you choose to leave.
2006-09-09 22:38:51 · answer #1 · answered by julielove327 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. My husband and I go days without talking. Its like he's happy to go to work just to be away from me. When he gets home I feel like were two strangers living under the same roof. He does his thing and I do mine. We have 2 daughters and I'm 39 weeks pregnant with the third girl. I think it kinda started when he found out it was another girl cuz he really wanted a boy. He says he's fine with it now but I feel like if it would have been a boy he would be taking better care of me. He also says mean things and I feel like he stares at other girls. He lost interest in sex and being affectionte but if a guy checks me out he gets all jelouse. I guess some guys are just weird like that huh? Well what I've done this pregnancy is read a lot. It just seemed to make it go by fast since I don't work. Well I hope our men change once our babies are born and good luck!
2016-03-17 11:15:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have just become a victim of society - we all have to work hard & we don't have time for others. You've drifted apart right under your nose & that's a shame.
Could you go away together for a night or two? That would take you from your normal surroundings & make you take notice of each other?
We've been married for 12 years & have young kids so there are times when I feel that my time is taken up with work & kids with no time for each other.
I'm sure there are plenty of couples out there who feel the same.
My question is you say that you don't care, but you care enough to ask for advice.
Make it work please, it obviously means a lot to you. You say you don't seem to have anything in common, but I bet you'll find your husband feels the same.
TALK!!! It is essentail is marriage & spend time together.
Good luck
2006-09-09 22:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by poppies say grrr! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Linda, I know and understand how you feel.....it's not uncommon. My hubby used to be so possessive, we did everything together....now we lead separate lives (and bedrooms). We still have feelings for each other, still work together, and support each other...but I am lonely too. He will not go anywhere, he doesn't like what I like and so I have told him I will go alone to the beach, or to the movies etc. He doesn't mind now. It gets me out of his hair. We seem to get along a lot better the less we see of each other, and I have told him that if ever I met someone else I would move out, and vice versa. But we still have respect for each other. Sad sad state of affairs.....we were hot lovers once....don't know why this happens and I really sympathise. Mine refuses counselling....guess you have already thought of that too. If I were you I'd do my own thing and see how he handles it. Think of it as a new adventure. Life is still there to be enjoyed. At our age we are usually free from raising kids to have more time for ourselves, so go live life and maybe he will come around. Good luck.
2006-09-09 22:54:34 · answer #4 · answered by Chatterbox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a life to live. Get out of bed and find a reason to be alive. You can do it. Find a hobby or friends to be with or visit the elderly or even get a job. If you are already employed, volunteer. You need to mingle with others. Life is grand. I have been with my hubby for 22 years and yes the comfort level gets into a rut and you both seem to be room mates rather than husband and wife. However, that doesnt mean you should just give up and live in your own little world. There is lots of things out there to do. Im me if you need to talk. I am in the same boat as you are but have found other things to do that waste away being sad. And I dont care anymore either, but I decided to not let it get me down. I have just learned to survive the golden years best I can. Good luck.
2006-09-09 23:39:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will share my experience strength and hope I'm not married but i was alone can relate my girlfriend and i have been going together for 7 yrs I'm on disability and she was unemployed she would be sleeping and i go to mettings she wasn't wanting to do anything at all with me or herself she fell into a deeps state of depression not eatting didn't want company didn't wanna talk with me nothing ziltch so I tryed to talk to her in the mornings over coffee and breakfast i thought it was me so i started cooking for her and our children and I felt i was wasting my time her food sat in the frig until either i ate it or it was pitched so i go to AA and NA meetings and I was feeling pretty bad before the meetings and after it was like a quit fix I'm ready to deal with this and run the home that worked for a while so i called my Sponsor and he told me do something for your girlfriend she is depressed and she needs help now she been out of work for 6 months no money of her own all bill comming from my little ole dis check my sponsor told me i need to take the bull by the horns and help cause she wasn't getting any better so i did i called around to get her counseling and found her a counselor and i started taking her out for rides and the beach and letting her get some sun lite it was helping along with the counseling and meds they giver and now she has a new job she has been their 2 months and she's looking at being hired for another job I stay home clean and cook and do laundry of my own it's the socks issue hahahaha but things are looking better we have gone to three meetings to the beach 4 times walks and talking to each other in the morning and even some of ya know what i mean so being alone has it's good points sometimes but it has the way deeper side of detachment from all life and things I wish you well I will say a nice dinner and some soft music dim the lites and cuddle or talk i have asked honey whats happeing to us i feel like we are drifting away from each other then i have to look at myself in the mirror and say hey ego what are you tryin to pull now it was self centeredness egotistical the seven deadly sins had appeared this is scarry cuz her and i did break up for six months I isolated my self big time I was a mess i lost my girlfriend my 16 yr old son was removed from the home due to his actions so i was alone didn't eat much just a bowl of rice daily and coffee and water and smokes I had to learn to love myself before i could love someone else and the other problem of the word love was i had to learn the meaning of unconditional love no matter how you act who you hurt or what you did good or bad I still love you because God Loves everyone of us on this earth no matter what unconditionally and exceptance is the answer to all my problems I had to look deep down inside where no one else was aloud I am Native American and I and my Girlfriend is doing better never perfect one day at a time and it works peace and luv to all good luck !!!
2006-09-09 23:13:08 · answer #6 · answered by Torch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 12years to my first hus, thise were the loneliest year of my life
I can't tell you to leave your marriage, but I can advise you to get help, discust thing with him and see if he feels the same
then seak help it might be a consolor it might be a vacation together check into taking a vac outside the US or a Cruise
If he is willing to talk about the situation you guys are in, that mean their is hope, mine wasn't I left, today I am the happiest woman on earth You've been in your marriage for so long don't just give up give it as much chance as possible
Good Luck
2006-09-09 22:46:16 · answer #7 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can understand how you feel Linda. I have been there. Your problem is very common. When a couple first got together, the other partner seems to be everything to him/her. The situation becomes worse if one of them becomes totally dependent on the other, whose behaviour, in later years may not be the same. (Which is quite normal).
That's why couples need to give each other their own space, even though they are married. Each of you must have your own outlets, even if you may share some common activities.
Sincere and honest communication is the key. Do not keep things to yourself, especially if you harbour dissatisfaction or unhappiness with the behaviour of the other party. .
2006-09-09 23:46:32 · answer #8 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to feel alone all the time. I don't any longer cause i opened my eyes and seen all the people that care about me around me, I think the only time that i really feel alone is when i am fighting with the person that i really care about. cause it makes me feel so empty inside that i automatically need to go and make up with them. because they have always been there for me even when i did things out of fear. So i no longer feel alone and i feel sorry for anyone that does. cause chances are that they aren't really alone, and there is someone that cares so much for them right in front of their faces and they are just to damned blind to see it.
2006-09-10 03:42:45 · answer #9 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've been married for 3 years, but have been dating my wife for 10yrs. sometimes it gets boring, but you need to find a hobby, something to do to make your better, more confident. by doing this i've always felt happier and wanted to share my accomplishments with me wife, this has help to give us something to talk about. go make some friend and hang out, you shouldn't stay home and do nothing. your fight now is for you not anyone else, if there is no you there is nothing. let me know what you decide feel free to email me.
2006-09-09 22:41:55 · answer #10 · answered by viper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋