How good is my poem? On a scale of 1-10?

Question

That Girl
by Savannah

Do you see that girl?
Sitting in the corner, just over there?
Just sitting there, should you even care?
Do see her, faking a smile?
Even though it's been one year;
She hasn't laughed in a while
Do you know why she tortures herself in this way?
Why she never has anything good to say?
That's because she hates herself, you see;
She's anything but you and me
When she comes home, she sits on her bed;
She shakes her poor thought-filled head
And sits there, thinking about her day
Wishing she could look a different way
And when the sun sets, it's time to go to sleep
She tries to be quiet; she doesn't make a peep
She's crying now, her bed stained with tears
This is what she hates the most, it's her greatest fear
Even though this is routine; crying everyday
She really wishes she could look this way;
All dressed up in a pretty white gown
Dressed up beautifully, her hair's neat and down
But everytime she thinks this, her face turns to a frown
Se will never look that way; she knows it for a fact;
She knew that being beautiful was the only thing she lacked
Everyday she's reminded of how hideous she looks
How she wants to cover her face with books
She doesn't believe the compliments;
"You're so wonderful and pretty!"
You know, it's a shame she doesn't believe it;
It really is a pity
How is it that hard
To not believe you're pretty?
So watch her;
Plaster on a fake grin everyday
Watch her abuse herself in such a horrid way
Watch her tell herself "No, you're ugly and you should know."
But why? Why is her self-image so low?
She's just not comfy in her own skin;
She doesn't feel like explaining it now
But why can't she just see?
Well, my friends, that person used to be me
I still have problems with my self-esteem
But just watch me closely
And see my smile gleam
Is it fake or not?
I'll never tell...
I just really hope that I'll end up well...

Answer 1

Very nice poem :O) We must understand that no one in this world is perfect in looks. We try so hard to copy the fakeness of hollywood celebrities, that we begin to see ourselves as not good enough. We see models in magazines ,and hollywood celebrites on our favorite TV shows, as perfect idols.

From childhood, our minds are shaped to believe that we must be a perfect and "hot" person to gain attention, like the celebrities do.The barbie dolls, the gap commercials, the movies, all give us a false idea of what beauty is.

I guarantee, if you turn off the tv, stop reading the magazines, and stop watchin "E" news, you will see a big difference in your self-esteem.

Have you ever noticed, that the models in magazines faces are air brushed? Their pores do not show at all...color is added to their eyes, and their bumps are removed by a graphic designer.
Do you ever wonder why there's been a rise in plastic surgery? We want to look like something, that just isn't real.

10! You're very good :O)

Answer 2

8

Answer 3

8
It was a little long, but I can't see anything that should be cut. Maybe something after "How is it that hard"; that's when I felt it lost a little passion. Since it is so long, you might make it into two parts.
I thought it was pretty well written (Except after 'How is it that hard', but I know it's hard to end long poems, so just give it a little editing.)
Keep up the good work. I liked it enough that I will be reading it again. And for me that is saying something.

Answer 4

Wow, that was actually surprisingly good. I really like the theme you delved into, and I would definitely encourage you to keep writing. Personally, I'm not too fond of the rhyming, but to each his/her own. I'd give it an 8/10.

Answer 5

ok I read ur poem twice. It's good, but it cld use some more thought and the rhyming's not consistent throughout the poem. I give it a six, u can do better, polish it a lil bit. But its a good effort, and good luck.

No hard feelings, just an honest opinion. :)

Answer 6

Interesting.... I was with you all the way, until the line: "She doesn't believe the compliments,...." I thought from that point on your rythm got a bit messy and the phrasing cluttered. It was certainly worth reading. Thank you.

Answer 7

ok for a beginer. You will learn you do not have to rhyme. A good poem does not mean it has to rhyme. 5 out of 10

Answer 8

5/10 Try a non-rhyming one next time

Answer 9

Without any reservations total 10/10. Wish you a happy and bright future.

Answer 10

Awsome i give it an 11