Should I get involved in stepdaughters business?

Question

My stepdaughter is in a relationship that is very volatile.The father of her two sons drinks heavily and I believe smokes pot. She smokes also and takes paxil.They've been constantly fighting(physically)and just recently called me to take her boys for the night due to an altercation, police got involved.Her biological mother found out that the kids were with me and had a huge fit!I've raised my husbands eldest daughter (25) who ended up graduating from high school and having a great life. The kids who stayed with biological mother ended up with kids as teenagers and a whole lot of other problems. Their mother (hubby's ex)is an alcoholic and drug abuser.I've also taken in my stepsons kids for a year at a time when they were just born.So I'm wondering now that they are older, youngest stepdaughter is 21, and biological mother is going crazy should I just step out or help? My husband just doesnt want to fight with ex anymore so doesnt have too much to say in everything.

unlike the mail man jim we do not live in a trailer home and just have real problems that stem from addictions and divorces. So I believe that it wouldn't be enough to send any of us on the Jerry Springer show.Maybe he needs to stick to delivering mail instead reading it!

Answer 1

You should tell your stepdaughter that you are there if she ever wants your help, don't worry about the ex- she can have all the fits she wants.

Ultimately your step daughter is an adult and it is her decision if she wants your help, but it is your decision of how you will give the help. Talk to her, and accept her wishes.........

Answer 2

Forget the stepdaughter, she is already a waste. Protect the children at all costs, they are the only victims in this and if you dont do something now or the cycle will just continue. My parents had similar problems and I turned out ok but I adopted my brothers three kids out of foster care. As adults, step kids need to get their life straight but the kids need stability. Have restraining order on ex if she keeps messing with you.

Answer 3

Hey, I think you should be aware of the paxil side effects. It frightens me to hear these things, because paxil actually affects your ability to reason things out or to give a damn about anyone or anything. She may, in fact, think she deserves this. Visit the forum below, no need to join unless you want to ask questions. You can also search there for abusive relationships, and you will find many a paxil user/recovering user who has been in bad relationships and couldn't find their way out until getting off paxil. There is also a lot of anger and rage associated with paxil. Know the facts - I was almost written off too, but I am finally going off the horrific drug and who I am now is completely different from who I used to be.

Answer 4

If they ask for your help, you should help them, what their biological mother thinks is irrelevant, she's screwed up their lives enough as it is. It would be nice if you would be someone to provide some stability in their lives. Although it isn't always immediately apparent, it is very important for young people to have at least a few people that they can count on, and if they don't have you, whom do they have? So, step up and do what you need to do. I am sure your effort will be rewarded in the end.

Answer 5

STEP AWAY from this -- they are ALREADY Past the age of Majority in ANY State (Over 18 years of age) -- and UNLESS these Adult Stepkids WANT to make a SERIOUS EFFORT to change their ways -- then they will NOT change -- and anything you do will ENABLE Them to continue with their addictions and NOT deal with the consequences of the addictions.

PS -- give her the phone number of a Domestic Violence Shelter -- and tell her to call there when she needs to. That is the way to help her -- because until she WANTS to leave -- she will continue to go back and forth because you will be co-dependent and helping to enable this revolving door of abuse. SHE needs to learn INDEPENDENCE SKILLS on her own -- and you can't do that for her. SHE must make the choice.

Answer 6

Its a hard one ,on one hand they are not your problem but one the other they have a bad mother and so need some help,your husband should be the one sticking up for his kids.I would help them and to hell with the mother ,cut her off if she is that bad.But don't fall into the trap of doing for them what they should be doing for them selves as with all adult children ,you want to help but you don't want to make them reliant.the stepdaughter you mention needs to do something about her own life ,you should support her in getting the real help she needs to fix it .children of alcoholics have a lot of problems in relationships ,you might like to look it up and learn ,that would help you really help them all.good luck..

Answer 7

obviously the biological mother isn't into parenting. I think your stepdaughter is lucky to have you. Go get her and keep her safe, make sure your husband is also being a parent and help this kid before her boyfriend kills her.

Answer 8

Your husband should support you as you have supported him. You must be an angel to take on all that responsibility. Don't worry about what the alcoholic mother says. Don't talk or listen to her. But, don't let your stepchildren take advantage of you anymore. You have a life of your own. Live it.

Answer 9

You should let jerry springer figure this one out.....oh and check the tires on the right side of the trailer i think there going flat....


You can put your problems on the internet but your to good for Jerry Springer........haaaaaaa......I know you live in a trailor cause I deliver your mail

Answer 10

Since your step daughter is an adult, she can get help from whomever she wants to ask.

If she asks you and you want to say yes, you should.

Why does your husband have to even talk to his ex anymore? The kids are adults. He should stand firm with her. Or you can. Tell her she needs to talk to her kids about her issues, not you.