My fiance and I just had a child 2 weeks ago. This weekend we decided to go out with our friends to let off some tension. Yesterday I went with my girls to play pool and have a couple drinks. I left at 8 and was home by 11pm. Well, tonight he goes out-to a night club.He leaves at 11pm. I am not comfortable with this. I trust him, but I know we have not had sex in months due to my pregnancy and healing time after c-section. He loves to salsa dance, so I know dancing will be in his agenda-but I still worry that something will happen while he is there. He is very attractive and I worry that he will see the in-shape women at the club after seeing my post pregnancy body and stray a bit. Is it ok for him to go to the club, or am I right about worrying?
2006-09-09 18:09:10 · 16 answers · asked by Pondering 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The best way to have your fiance feel like becoming a father and a husband is like being locked up in prison would be to treat him like a prisoner.
If you let him see that he will still have his friends and can still have fun, you have a better chance of keeping him around. Tell him to go and have a great time.
2006-09-09 18:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by Zana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing to worry about if he loves you and you trust him to be loyal. No offense, but a lot of this is being amplified by the mess of hormoes readjusting in your body. I went through a bad post partum experience. Honestly, I don't think at 2 weeks, either of you should be going out to party. It's best to bond with the baby, and try to calm everyone's nerves a bit. It might be even more stressful to have to fit into the nightlife mold 2 weeks after pregnancy.
It's not okay for him to go to the club, but not cause he might cheat on you. You have a child now, a little creature that depends on you. There is no more YOU time, and that is the sad but realistic truth. YOU don't go to nightclubs, YOU let off some tension at 9 or 10 when the kid's finally taking a long enough nap for you to shower after 3 days. Don't worry about him cheating, your relationship should've been secured (against issues like this) before you had a baby together. I'm not trying to be extremely critical, but it's something we all go through. Trying to stay in the "scene" when we're really just parents now. We shouldn't go to nightclubs that often. With or without your partner.
I hope you're feeling better soon though (the hormones will disperse, eventually)
2006-09-09 18:19:19 · answer #2 · answered by Dulie Woolie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he went with friends, it's probably fine. Esp. post pregnancy, he probably does have a lot of sexual energy pent up, but I doubt going to a night club with some friends is any more dangerous than him going to a strip club or renting porn and indulging in a little fantasy, as long as he adheres to a strict hands-off policy. I'm nine months pregnant myself, and I keep trying (mostly unsuccessfully since convincing him that sex won't hurt the baby is like pulling teeth) to encourage my man to get it all in now before the baby comes since we know it'll be probably 1 1/2 months or more before he'll get another chance. But, if the lack of sex is an issue for your guy, you can spice things up a little at home without hurting yourself by just making some time for the two of you when the baby's asleep or being babysat by wearing something nice, maybe cooking something nice or ordering out, and giving him a little oral sex. That way, he'll know you haven't forgotten him and doesn't feel neglected with the baby, so he'll be even less tempted to stray if he has been thinking about it.
2006-09-09 18:24:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a nightclub is a bad choice for a person who is in a committed relationship but it's not the end of the world. The man likes to dance!
As far as his straying, well if it's that easy for him to stray it won't have to be a night club. It could be anywhere any time. The setting of the night club is not the end or beginning of straying. It's what's in his heart.
Don't worry about it just tell him how you feel!
Good luck and congratulations on the new baby!
2006-09-09 18:14:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should worry too much. I think you should just let him know that you are uncomfortable with the arrangement. You two need to talk. If he acts like a jerk and doesn't respect or understand your feelings then I would say you should definitely have a long engagement. Don't rush into anything! Lay all the cards on the table! Tell him you would rather wait until you two can go out clubbing together. Good Luck!!! Mother of 3!
2006-09-09 18:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by ANGELA L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why didn't u go with him tonight? It's normal to feel that way although I would probably have a talk with him just to let him know how I feel about this arrangement. Once in a while is okay but remember that u two have a child now and your family is priority. He's not a single guy anymore.
2006-09-09 18:36:29 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
During and after pregnancy it is normal for the woman to feel unattractive and feel that the partner no longer is sexually attracted to them.
I think he's understanding of the lack of sex and if he's willing to have a child with you, then he's in for the long haul. He won't muck around behind your back. I understand your concerns, but i think you have nothing to worry about. Best of luck with the baby! Congrats!
2006-09-09 18:15:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going out with the girls playing pool opens up the door for your spouse to do as he pleases! Come on....Girl.....get it together....
If you want to be with your girlfriends invite them over for aerobics at home...and so what if your husband is there...hopefully your friends will dress appropriately! Get your body toned and in shape enough to go salsa dancing with your good looking hubby!
And don't deprive him of sex...give him some knee time...till your
body heals enough to engage fully in intercourse! You stay at home, your hubby stays at home, you only go out together or invite Friends over. That is what you need to do girl! Before you do anything get on your knees right now before the Lord by yourself and ask the Lord to guide you and your boyfriend, hubby, whatever he is...He is the one you love! Pray for him!
2006-09-09 18:30:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a mother who has no problem with my man going out, but you just had a baby, through c-section, and no offense, but his *** should be home attending to you two until things starting feeling and acting normal again. He should not be leaving at 11p. he should tucking you and the baby in at this time. ask him if he can wait a coupla weeks or months before going out to the wee night. Ask him to consider early a curfew until no longer necessary.
2006-09-09 18:16:15 · answer #9 · answered by wearyblossom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have trust in a relationship you don't have anything. I know you are feeling a little insecure with your post-pregnancy body but if you trust him there is nothing to worry about. He let you go out with your friends didn't he?
2006-09-09 18:14:42 · answer #10 · answered by Smart Ranger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋